Issues arising with B, Tarot

an attempt to clarify and inform and cover appropriate ground with B tonight did not go well.

Druidcraft Tarot reading
Hexagram spread very interesting (useful for insight into relationships)

card 1, THE APPARENT, CONSCIOUS ISSUE: The moon - change, perhaps a difficult emotional journey ahead. Maybe experiencing a felling of loneliness or isolation. Definitely a period of change with the attendant fears that go with change....
card 2, THE POINT OF TENSION: Q of Cups, R - this card has come up re: B before, and she readily affirms it as one of her representations. In the reverse, it speaks to emotional wounds, depths of feeling, quoting, "However she may want to express her love positively, her inability to find healing can make her emotionally dependent and manipulative."
Card 3, THE WAY TO RESOLUTION: the Lady - opening to trust and abundance. Open to love and trust. I think the meaning is to not allow the bumps in the road with B to damage my progress toward being able to love and trust -- esp considering there are, at times, some definite similarities she has with M. Not BPD, exactly, but some similarities in reactions and remarks.
Card 4, THE UNRESOLVED OR UNCONSCIOUS INNER DETERMINENT: Rebirth - a call to change. Perhaps a crossroads / decision that must be made (between the two women I love?? hmmm) "You have chosen life and emerge reborn" - perhaps apt for what I've been doing this past couple years!
Card 5, THE PIVOT OF CHANGE: Ace of Wands, R - feeling blocked, experiencing frustration - a sense of barrenness rather than potential -- but this feeling will pass.
Card 6, THE KEY TO HARMONY: Six of Cups, R - may be either releasing old wounds, or clinging inappropriately to a person or situation that has long ago ceased to be of value to you. Attending to the past to grow and learn is all well and good, but you must let go of attachments to events that have already occurred..... I feel as if this is a reference to my tendency to let the way M would react, or my defense mechanisms relative to her, still dictate the way I comprehend or create undue issues / anxieties for me.... B says I create the drama in my relationships (at least with her....) I'm not sure I agree.... but who knows.

very strange dream

I don't often remember dreams, but I certainly had some strange one(s) last night. I recall watching some kids chase and harass a couple of dogs, harmlessly, then a different set of older kids had another dog trussed up across a wood fence structure. I intervened in that... I was watching from my bedroom and thought I was nude, but it was too important to intervene quickly. My wife / woman called the police, I think. Meanwhile I tore the fence apart to get at these kids and untruss the dog. Next thing I recall, the governor (beautiful Gov. G) was at my house to assist or follow up. I remember walking down the hall with her and my woman? and perhaps another person or two. Realized then that contrary to what I'd thought when I went out after those kids, I had lounge pants on -- I wasn't nude, and mentioned that. Gov G said, "thank heavens" or "it's a good thing.... for the best" or something.... We were headed back to my bedroom. THAT turned out to be something like my bedroom in my last house with my ex-wife. I recall lounging on the bed with Jennifer and talking and half watching the TV in this particular corner. Tried to look up something about the capitol. Just talking and being friendly. I recall she had a pink froo froo dress on -- kinda sexy. Anyway, just chatting. Finally, I recall being on the phone with her, looking for some signs that were supposed to be made and available from MSU printing.... as I hung up from her, my phone rang and it at first appeared to be a political call -- but then it was a woman (M or B, likely) who said something about dragging me back here -- "You blew it".

Sttttrrrraaaannnnggggggeee.....

I think part of it comes from getting mail yesterday directly from my crazy Ex, M at my street addy. I am NOT happy about THAT. But I also have some odd stuff running in my psyche right now because the energy with B is "off". In the latter case, I think I'm going to let her call me today if she will -- otherwise allow the slight distancing or whatever that might need to happen for a bit.

don't know what the guv thing was all about -- other than she was pretty hot in pink!

Card spread re: B

Well, to help me with the disquieted feeling (part of which has occurred between us regarding perhaps celebrating our b-days together this weekend -- an conversation exchange regarding whether to celebrate this weekend... I told her that would be best as I will be tied up the weekend of my b-day.... well, I could tell she extrapolated that to assume (rightly) that I would be involved with A2.... and said, "well we'll have to see how that works out...."

Oh well.

3 card spread, Ascended Masters deck

Issue: Focus upon your strength
Action: See the other person's point of view
Outcome: Positive change

I think it's telling me to trust myself, find my learning and be compassionate and understanding toward B as she copes with her love feelings even as I tend toward being emotionally detached right now even for love. (lots of practice previously with other emotions and M!!)

interesting times and a card spread

Well, it's been interestingly up and down with B. Not going to go all in to it. Just felt a bit disquieted tonight over some interaction and some energetic dislocation I feel between us. I know a big part of it is her struggle over feeling more strongly toward me than I toward her. I love her, but not wholly and solely. But I am really concerned that, deny it as she will, she may very well be "in love" with me. That's complex because emotionally she's not entirely capable of "sharing" and I'm not yet at a point where I should settle down to one primary, "only" woman. I need to heal. To get more comfortable on my own and in my own space and I need to make sure I'm not just repeating past patterns.

to the card spread.... well next posting