So, I read a story in the paper today about younger people who choose to keep their own places, but come to "stay over" almost constantly with their boyfriend/girlfriend. They don't consider themselves to be cohabiting. They're tending to want to retain an "out", etc etc.
Interestingly, I think that defines us as well. Twice the age of the young people studied, but it sure seems like it describes our situation.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
finances, utilities and water
So, B has started walking on eggshells about her use of water and electricity around my house. Taking most showers at her apartment for instance. Maybe laundry there as well. I'm feeling a bit troubled about the shift that direction. I don't really want to have her feeling so uncomfortable here at my place.
I've kicked around utilities figures and found that having B stay over is costing me maybe $20-30 per month. When you consider the way she helps to pick up and clean around the house, that seems like a fair trade. Especially if she takes just a little reasonable care to be a bit more conservative in water and electric use in particular. (Like not running massive amounts of water while working in the kitchen, or not leaving refrigerator door hanging open. ) I wouldn't mind if she pitched in a bit of $ once in a while, but it's not all that necessary when the money is close to diminimus.
As for laundry, my thought is that is still makes no sense for her to trundle laundry up and down her two flights of stairs, apt to basement, when it's all first floor here. I also realized part of my "issue" over laundry is that there's been a tendency for B to freely use the laundry supplies that I buy, but not to really appropriately replace them. I just had to buy fabric softener the other day -- and I buy in containers that are supposed to do over 150 loads!!
So, I'm thinking a "fair trade" would be if she keeps the laundry room supplied for the both of us, that would seem fair. All I really would ask beyond that is that the laundry soap be skin-friendly to me.
I was nearly at the point of bringing this stuff up and trying to talk through a bit further when she got dressed and headed out for errands and to get herself around via her apartment. Oh well. Later I guess.
On other subjects, we did seem to get closer to "being on the same page" (her words) over the last few days and evenings as we began to talk out past $$ issues regarding trips ("do you want me to pay you back?" No. Just keep arrangements in the future), and eating out (trying to do more trading off of who pays, asking in advance).
Progress I suppose.
And it's not lost on me that we've again had a fairly major blow out without a breakup.
I've kicked around utilities figures and found that having B stay over is costing me maybe $20-30 per month. When you consider the way she helps to pick up and clean around the house, that seems like a fair trade. Especially if she takes just a little reasonable care to be a bit more conservative in water and electric use in particular. (Like not running massive amounts of water while working in the kitchen, or not leaving refrigerator door hanging open. ) I wouldn't mind if she pitched in a bit of $ once in a while, but it's not all that necessary when the money is close to diminimus.
As for laundry, my thought is that is still makes no sense for her to trundle laundry up and down her two flights of stairs, apt to basement, when it's all first floor here. I also realized part of my "issue" over laundry is that there's been a tendency for B to freely use the laundry supplies that I buy, but not to really appropriately replace them. I just had to buy fabric softener the other day -- and I buy in containers that are supposed to do over 150 loads!!
So, I'm thinking a "fair trade" would be if she keeps the laundry room supplied for the both of us, that would seem fair. All I really would ask beyond that is that the laundry soap be skin-friendly to me.
I was nearly at the point of bringing this stuff up and trying to talk through a bit further when she got dressed and headed out for errands and to get herself around via her apartment. Oh well. Later I guess.
On other subjects, we did seem to get closer to "being on the same page" (her words) over the last few days and evenings as we began to talk out past $$ issues regarding trips ("do you want me to pay you back?" No. Just keep arrangements in the future), and eating out (trying to do more trading off of who pays, asking in advance).
Progress I suppose.
And it's not lost on me that we've again had a fairly major blow out without a breakup.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
rocky
B and I are running in to some rocky times. Just when my son and family (and 9 y.o. grand D ) are to visit. I think we're OK now, but we've had some very harsh and difficult conversations the last few nights.
She's kind of bushwacked me with the subjects and discussions. I think we've dealt with what we must and then, unexpectedly timed and in an unexpected place she'll bring some follow up discussion into the mix.
Last night, she pulled out of me that I've been having some serious concerns about financial balance within this relationship. We kind of resolved a lot of it, but there's still some to figure out (utilities share).
I also was chagrined to find out that the "melt down" (her term) I had over the new bathroom rugs and decorations has stayed with her all this time. Made her realize " I still don't feel emotionally safe in this relationship" and so on. Sigh. And was the predicate for not giving notice to her landlord and moving on in.
She's posed the idea a time or two that "maybe she's just not emotionally healthy enough for me" and "I hate to think, but maybe this relationship has run its course".
I'm still not quite "there", but patience is wearing. I'm not sure just how to deal with the less healthy aspects between us and if we don't, this isn't going to be long term after all.
She's kind of bushwacked me with the subjects and discussions. I think we've dealt with what we must and then, unexpectedly timed and in an unexpected place she'll bring some follow up discussion into the mix.
Last night, she pulled out of me that I've been having some serious concerns about financial balance within this relationship. We kind of resolved a lot of it, but there's still some to figure out (utilities share).
I also was chagrined to find out that the "melt down" (her term) I had over the new bathroom rugs and decorations has stayed with her all this time. Made her realize " I still don't feel emotionally safe in this relationship" and so on. Sigh. And was the predicate for not giving notice to her landlord and moving on in.
She's posed the idea a time or two that "maybe she's just not emotionally healthy enough for me" and "I hate to think, but maybe this relationship has run its course".
I'm still not quite "there", but patience is wearing. I'm not sure just how to deal with the less healthy aspects between us and if we don't, this isn't going to be long term after all.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
last week
was strange. In Chi-town at an assembly. Had B my fiancee in my room and enjoyed the town.... had A2 check in right behind us at the hotel, new boyfriend in tow (thank heavens!!) and weirdly..... ending up in a room next to ours. Fortunately there wasn't any direct FTF interaction in our hallway and our bathroom buffered between the rooms -- so no undue noises were heard.....
Interesting situation. Weird, but interesting.
Hopefully A2 is finally moving on. Although it was not lost on me that the new B.F. was kind of a clone of me. White guy, 50s, with a tummy..... LOL
Interesting situation. Weird, but interesting.
Hopefully A2 is finally moving on. Although it was not lost on me that the new B.F. was kind of a clone of me. White guy, 50s, with a tummy..... LOL
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