Well this is interesting. I see the last time my blog was almost exactly a year ago corresponded with our anniversary. Which is tomorrow. But I like that time I'm not having negative feelings and troublesome understandings about B. this is more about how interesting it is that certain conversations or situations bring on an anxious response for me.
So the backstory is that my wife had to have reconstruction of her upper front teeth at a cost of 8000 or so dollars to the periodontist, and $6600 to her dentist for four implants. I paid the $8000 because my resources are much greater than hers and she seemed to need that help. I do remember with some chagrin that when I offered to help her with the cost meaning something different in my mind like maybe 1/3 of the cost, she interpreted it as offering to pay at least half. Fortunately at this point in life I am able to be that generous.
Her general dentist wanted at least half of that bill paid and I agreed to loan my wife the money and take advantage of a very low interest charge offer on one of my credit cards. That bill becomes due in July and if not paid off incur way too much interest. She still seems to be concerned about how she will pay her portion of this treatment. And I have offered to bridge the situation further if needed.
I just today let her know about the July due date. And she wanted to know if I was asking her to pay me back by then. Again I don't want to be on empathetic or on generous. And I simply repeated that if necessary I could move assets and continue to let her take some time. The conversation was in no way negative or confrontational and I have a little reason to react poorly other than my past history in other relationships perhaps.
I observed that my anxiety level and blood pressure I think both went up after we concluded that conversation. And I even observed some muscular tension that occurred in my body.
Obviously we need to be able to talk about money matters, and I sure hope I get a handle on my nerves.
Not a lot more I want to express with this blog other than I'm glad that I have come to a point where I can observe and contemplate some of my reactions instead of letting them run away with me.
