a little worried / anxious / mad

 Still stewing about my new PCP office treating my requested referrals as "routine". 

Very anxious to get this high PSA level checked. I imagine it means a "whole round" including the horror of another needle biopsy. Those are not fun. 

very challenging not to show an indication of my worries to B. But until I'm closer to some answer or at least knowing what I'll be chasing here I really don't want her worrying on top of trying to manage her own bad back pain issues. 

Sigh. Probably will try to touch base with my friend Erik - at least talk out loud to someone.

Oh shit - maybe prostate cancer

 Just had a lousy round of UTI - unusual in a male. Pretty well non-symptomatic now. 

Finally caught up on routine blood tests. I see a few anomalous results that have little meaning to me. BUT... .my damned PSA shows 45 (holy fuck!). 

Last time tested was 2021 - skipped blood tests by and large in 2022 because of the slow loss of my long time PCP - retiring - sold practice - easing out. 

Anyway, in 2021 PSA like 3.1 - normal range. 

Fucking HUGE jump in a year and a half or two. Worrisome. 

Keeping it to myself bcause B has her own painful serious conditions. Will wait for some diagnostic answers. 

Trying to be patient about the pending urology referral. Damned NP wrote it as "routine". Not hardly. 

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!!