Unbeknownst to B last evening I had an episode as I was returning from the neighbors house it was very upsetting emotionally to me. There was a very young raccoon near the bottom of our footsteps who is clearly either badly injured the near death or has distemper or rabies but the poor thing was sick injured or suffering somehow. I wasn't sure it was safe for me to get some gloves and try to pick it up and ugly word dispose of it. I tried to use a flat shovel to pick it up and move it but it had enough life in it to scurry away we tried to go toward its den under the porch but I did stop it from doing that at first. Honestly though all I really did was probably injure it further, panic it, made things worse for the poor animal. It looked at me with such helplessness it was heartbreaking. I really had no reasonable way to put it out of its misery at least not that I could think of that was safe for me. But it's still a little emotionally wrenching to think about. After I tried to move it a couple of times you could struggle to get out on the tree lawn near the bottom of the tree which was a perfectly good place for it. But when I checked a couple of hours later it was partway back up the driveway I think it was trying to work its way back to its dad which I attempted to have blocked with that shovel. This morning to shovel was knocked over so either there was something in there when I blocked that pushed its way out or the sick little thing struggled and scratched and pulled despite waning strength and crawl back under the porch. I'm afraid that means we'll end up having a dead animal under there but it can't be helped.
To be honest I thought B might've seen me trying to do something with the poor animal and that what she was upset about but it wasn't. Of course for me I couldn't tell her about it she's so tenderhearted. Even though I was hurting a little even into the morning until we went to lunch.
After we got back from lunch I was really tired and I realize that some of my own emotional struggles were in place. I was planning to head to camp to prepare the motorhome to bring back today. She told me she had kind of hoped I would wait until tomorrow. So it occurred to what was making me feel so tired was a combination of feeling a little responsible for her insecure feelings and then also responsible for her wishing I stayed the day with her and left tomorrow. Bottom line feeling responsible for someone else's emotional state which is very tiring. Interestingly similar to her emotional weight lifted off of her when she explain herself from last night this morning, I found that on the drive to Camp Wai realization why I had been so tired and what the root of it while I felt better pretty quickly.
