The night B4 I was flying out (setting an alarm at 5:30a) we had a "not-quite-fight". It actually went pretty well. But, aspects ought to be recorded.
Long and short is this -- evening was going swimmingly. Both of us enjoying the company, etc.... but about 10:30p, I realized that A2 would be arriving on her flight to CA soon and I would NOT be able to take her call letting me know she'd landed safe.... So, I took a quick moment to text her ("tired, going to bed, 5:30 alarm....") so she'd know why I didn't take her call....
As luck would have it, B walked into the kitchen just as I was finishing the message and ASSUMED I was texting her "rival for my affection" (my terminology, not hers).
Mind you, she didn't ask, and I didn't volunteer inf0 -- but I DID choose to continue what I was doing in a nonplussed manner, since we'd had a discussion about my tendency when we first started seeing one another to close my computer when she came back in a room -- making her wonder what I was hiding.... THIS time I did NOT act guilty or as if I were hiding something or any such thing.... Just finished and went on to the living room.
But the fuse was lit....
About an hour later, suddenly B was dressed and "going to go on home..." I didn't really assume she'd jumped to the conclusion she had.... so, hoping for the best, I just said, "Decided that 530 alarm wasn't very attractive, huh...?" She noted later that she should have just agreed with that statement and headed out. But, she didn't. She went on to say I'd hurt her feelings. Huh!!??
I pressed her to tell me how it was I'd done that?? "by texting A2 while you're with me".
THIS time, following my T's advise, I didn't let it drop at that sort of thing and didn't let the situation develop into one that was going to cause me anxiety as happens at times with B.
Nope. I pressed onward a bit.... told her quite firmly that she might be making an assumption that's who I was texting, but that she couldn't KNOW that to be the case, hadn't ASKED, and I certainly wasn't going to volunteer info like that..... And, for that matter, for all she really knows, I was texting my son, since I was due to fly out in the a.m. and there might have been a detail or two to clear up.
In other words, she was making an inappropriate assumption and I wasn't going to let it stand at that.
She actually held up a while on taking off, so we could go ahead and talk about it a bit further. Some interesting info DID come up.... like, she DID know where I'd spent the previous weekend.... although she wasn't going to say so outright, it came out clearly that she knew because a mutual acqaintance that she'd seen on Saturday ( a busybody from our choir) had commented that "L" can't be here because he's visiting his GF in A2.... It took me a while to figure out how the busybody even knew about it, and then I recalled her asking me again to come and sing when she played at the retirement home. I told her my plans at that point, never ever supposing it would become a matter of interest or gossip for her to pass on to B (and, unbeknownst to me, hurt her feelings then as well I'm sure).
Anyway, that revelation gave me the opportunity to state that when the contention about the upcoming weekend had occurred before, that I SHOULD have said plainly, (as my T suggested)something like, "I thought you did not want to know details or TMI. Is that different than I understood? Do you want to know more details of my weekend?" that sort of thing....
Of course, I am very UNhappy with the "friend"....
I went on, though, to outright ASK what if any info she wanted about the texting (she declined).... and I further went on to say that I really thought we needed to think about and talk again about how to handle our other involvements and information about them -- that I really didn't think how it was currently being handled was working particularly well.
I elaborated a bit that it seemed to make little difference if I was reserved with info or not -- that B tended to make assumptions, right or wrong, about my plans when I am unable to be with her. And she ends up unhappy whether or not I provide TMI.
So, I guess we will see what happens from this point....
Day after plus
Well, our conversations since I left town, while understandably few and short in duration, have been warm and friendly (typical). EXCEPT I didn't hear from her at all yesterday (nor did I prompt contact -- just thought I'd see what happened....)
Now, TODAY, I did text her mid-morning, and got a text back from her about being out of town. hmmmmm
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