Goddamn it all to hell.
We are soon (by the end of July) to have new neighbor. A nice lady named Deb....who is, god forbid, MY age, single, and fairly attractive. She's slender, well coiffed. Pretty outgoing, maybe extroverted. Bit of an over-sharer. But, by and large Deb seems like "a catch" for someone.
B hasn't even me her yet. Her mood disorder flaring up from Thursday onward really prevented any introductory steps, sigh.
For me, I've noted she's attractive. But also that she has some maladies (back) that are similar to B's.
Regardless, I've been pretty certain and chagrined that when B finally meets Deb, she'll see her as a rival and potential sexual interest or more of mine. Never mind I committed to be faithful and bound to our "vows" and general rules. Beth is fucking hardwired to be fearful of losing her primary relationship... which, BTW, poisons the damned primary relationship.
A little background - B has been crashing and bouncing relative to mood and depression since last Thursday. She's also NEVER really found herself totally in a place where she can believe i won't stray - even though I HAVE NO HISTORY OF CHEATING within my prior long term relationship nor this one.
So, what brought this shit to the fore? Apparently, last night after it was lights out and we both were headed to bed, B observed a light on in the dining area, thought I'd left it on, or such, and witnessed me "doing something with my phone". I truly don't know what I might have been doing. Maybe reading at a new book, or seaching Google. What the ever!
But, OF COURSE, she "went there" as she further inquired and wondered if I'd been texting with Deb and maybe having regular interaction. I assured her (truthfully) that I hadn't had any more direct conversation with Deb since Sunday when she knocked on our door. I did send an innocuous neighborly email, but not at the timeframe in question.
So, to get to the REAL point - I am kind of pissed off. A lot is missing in the ticket. But it's also a frustration
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