I have a little concern about disagreeableness that arose this past Wednesday or Thursday. I forget which. I was quite tired from being awake and up too late, etc. Apparently wasn't warm and friendly enough at our usual noontime phone conversation, and apparently my "indifferent attitude" put her off and made her pretty steamed.
When she came by after work, she was kind of spoiling for a fight. Accusing me of being manipulative and thinking she's highly dependent on me, and so on.... Frankly, a little too much like the accusations I was experiencing with M in the latter years.....
This seems to happen once in a while. The question that is running through my mind, though is.... was this really projection?? I have to wonder if these are questions and concerns running through her mind and emotions that she needs to be posing to herself..... or maybe they're rattling around and she hasn't really quite realized it....
I am a little concerned about the accusation toward me, since I am not remotely aware of any such controlling behavior, etc....
Is it my lack of self awareness?? Or hers??
Saturday, March 27, 2010
PTSD sure does stick with you
Yesterday I made the error of sending an email to my Ex BPD partner to let her know about a swimsuit sale I knew she'd be interested in. Just to be nice. Big mistake.
Her reply was an excuse for her to try and engage me about a jointly held package of timeshare stays in Cancun. She's apparently feeling sorry for herself and wanting a cheap vacation -- wanted to know the status of the "freebies" for the package that "she was supposed to be able to use as part of our settlement...."
She also whined about not being able to continue to afford her house and "having to take a bath on it."
I took a walk shortly after reading the message and was very surprised at how much anxiety and reaction (PTSD) I was having. Stemmed a lot from not really wanting to try and let her know the freebies certificates expired before either of us really were ready to use them. Plus, the message was later in the afternoon -- timeframe tells me she had likely begun to drink.....
There was no way to gain anything by replying, yet anxiety arises at the reaction eventually to a lack of response. I ultimately took a page from my days going to my T -- she'd have wondered WHY I replied, had I done so.... more than implying that a healthier step would have been to simply delete it... and not to engage M..... So, that's what I did. I felt good about that. Still a little back of the mind concern about not replying.... but I am leaving it be.
The selling the house thing is/will never get any sympathy from me. As I explained to her son, when I quitclaimed the place, it was worth at least $200K with roughly $140K owed. M made the idiotic decision to roll her car loan balance of $20K or so, and heaven knows what else, into the new mortgage balance (which happened during the easy money time, just before the crash). Bottom line: she apparently now has a payment that is at least $400 per month higher than it should be.... with more prudent decision making.
PLUS, she got convinced by her on/off boyfriend to "sell" him her Vue (he still owes her a bunch apparently) and buy a new Jeep Liberty -- for payments of around $450 per month.... AND, he's helped her dig a humongous financial hole of credit card balances. This is not the extremely frugal, financially prudent woman I once loved. This is a very disabled, troubled lady that will probably never fully recover financially from her bad decisions.
I feel bad for her. But not more....
Her reply was an excuse for her to try and engage me about a jointly held package of timeshare stays in Cancun. She's apparently feeling sorry for herself and wanting a cheap vacation -- wanted to know the status of the "freebies" for the package that "she was supposed to be able to use as part of our settlement...."
She also whined about not being able to continue to afford her house and "having to take a bath on it."
I took a walk shortly after reading the message and was very surprised at how much anxiety and reaction (PTSD) I was having. Stemmed a lot from not really wanting to try and let her know the freebies certificates expired before either of us really were ready to use them. Plus, the message was later in the afternoon -- timeframe tells me she had likely begun to drink.....
There was no way to gain anything by replying, yet anxiety arises at the reaction eventually to a lack of response. I ultimately took a page from my days going to my T -- she'd have wondered WHY I replied, had I done so.... more than implying that a healthier step would have been to simply delete it... and not to engage M..... So, that's what I did. I felt good about that. Still a little back of the mind concern about not replying.... but I am leaving it be.
The selling the house thing is/will never get any sympathy from me. As I explained to her son, when I quitclaimed the place, it was worth at least $200K with roughly $140K owed. M made the idiotic decision to roll her car loan balance of $20K or so, and heaven knows what else, into the new mortgage balance (which happened during the easy money time, just before the crash). Bottom line: she apparently now has a payment that is at least $400 per month higher than it should be.... with more prudent decision making.
PLUS, she got convinced by her on/off boyfriend to "sell" him her Vue (he still owes her a bunch apparently) and buy a new Jeep Liberty -- for payments of around $450 per month.... AND, he's helped her dig a humongous financial hole of credit card balances. This is not the extremely frugal, financially prudent woman I once loved. This is a very disabled, troubled lady that will probably never fully recover financially from her bad decisions.
I feel bad for her. But not more....
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