Nice day

Spent today with my very good friend.... Very nice day.

Got tempted to violate my gentlemanly principles.... when it was getting about time to leave... so I did.... (leave, that is)

Life takes some interesting twists

I must say.

The other day, my intuitive counselor said she thinks I will be married again.... saw a woman in my future, "the one", with dark hair..... medium height. Maybe 130 lbs.... etc...

Eventually I gave her some info about my recently made best friend who lives in a town about an hour from me. There were lots of indicators that LC is the one.... but.... my counselor did wonder about "a son??".... I sloughed it off to LC being close to her neice and nephew....BUT....

I'm to visit a town in the north about 3 hours.... in a couple of weeks. Just on the off chance.... I found an address for a doctor I once knew -- a beautiful Greek woman -- physician.... I was smitten the very first time I saw her.....

Anyway, I dropped her a note.... figuring the chance that she would respond was pretty remote.... But, she did!! today when she received the note. She seemed very intrigued.

Bottom line is, we kind of have a date set for when I am in the area. And, her youngest child is a 16 y.o. boy....

So... one might just wonder.....

I'm really in a bit of a lather here.... I thought LC and I were headed in a very good direction..... I was entertaining notions that she's "the one", without getting too assumptive.....

But, now that MK has entered the picture.... I'm not sure where life is leading....

Guess we'll see. I have the privilege of sharing a brunch with LC tomorrow -- the first she's shared a Sunday with a man in a long time.....

We are developing feelings.... I know that.... But, who can tell where things will lead in this area or in the north country....

I'm absolutely blown away by all this.... completely....

Intuitive session

Went to my intuitive counselor again. What a warm, wonderful talent she is. And so beautiful --0 it is really difficult for me to leave that aside.... sigh....

Anyway, the crux of the reading was this.

M is continuing to try and suck energy, however she can. She needs an energy source, and I've been it. Wants me to try and have NO energetic connection with her for a solid week.

I need to cease allowing any connection especially on an energetic level. Close it. Lock it. Bar her. Visualization....

I've already begun to apply the advice, visualizing a vault door cracked open and leaking light / energy. I close it and lock it. It drifts open sometimes, and I do it again. I also am regularly visualizing the Enterprise under attack and the photons bouncing off the shields. Even as I write this.

TV also told me to do more to protect myself on the energetic level -- that M poses some dangers to me. Suggested I invoke the protections of the 4 archangels each day.

She also says she believes M to be very unstable and not to trust her. She was a little concerned about physical or other dangers to me. Suggested when I mentioned it that I probably should file the PPO.

We also talked that she's likely already met another man... dark haired, curlier -- not so nice as me ultimately. Confirmed this with the use of a pendulum.

On a more positive note, we also talked about my future relationship(s). She said she sees me married again. This time rightly. To an equal. A whole lady. Dark haired, maybe 5ft 3 or so, maybe 130#.... Eventually I gave her enough info to let us both know she is likely describing LC.

Said I am proceeding perfectly. Slowly. Letting trust build. Forging strong links in a chain. Need to be careful not to short-circuit anything.

I mentioned LC's desire that I "see others", and TV said that's not going to last long. Seemed to think that in a couple weeks, LC will be much more serious, and far less interested in my seeing others.... TV got goosebumps twice during the session -- usually indicating that the point in question is exactly right. From TV's vantage, it appears that LC and I are going to develop into that great love each of us would like to have. Cool.

As usual, drew an Angel card:

DIVINE TIMING!!!

Yow.

Have to let pieces of the puzzle fall into place. Don't skip or rush or the whole plan will lack a solid foundation. Pay attention to doors that are opening and shutting. Walk through those that open. Don't try to force those that are shut.

Not much reason to post lately

Business as usual. Last Saturday was a PITA when I went to the house to fix the mower and mow-- that gave M far more opportunity to engage with me than I wanted to allow. Lots of whining about money and what she has to do and all that.

Mostly, though, the contact has been almost nonexistent. I told her last week I wouldn't take / return her calls, and to the maximum extent possible I'm trying to stick to that.

Last night after work, her son went with me to try to muck out more of the garage. That gave her some more chances to act out with me -- she got pretty nutty and nasty. Her son didn't much care for it, and it was not lost on him that I tended NOT to start any conversation or engage in unnecessary interaction, no matter how much she tried to provoke me with nasty cracks, accusations and remarks.

Anyway, my lack of availability, response and all that is what it is. Whether it drives her crazy is NOT my problem.

I am actively trying to "shut down" to her on all levels including the energetic level. I may have to stop journaling about her at all in order to keep her out of any thoughts....

Angel cards today

Well, on a more interesting and positive note, this a.m. I up and decided to draw an Angel oracle card. I thought I was doing it in regard to the later interaction with M.... but, actually, what I drew was the Soulmate card.... and I realized that might very well be related to my very good friend, LC, that I've made... for whom and from whom some interest seems to be really developing.

In fact, I scribbled a quick note that I had been trying to think of M as I drew, but realized that LC had been crossing my mind all morning.... so....

But, there is also a transitional aspect to the card's meaning.

It says, "your prayer for a soulmate relationship is answered..."

The explanation goes on to talk about desiring a partner with a similar philosophy and common interests.... a great love.... Yet, it also talks of "If you are in a current relationship, your angels ask you to release this partnership to them..... they can help you to gently end it so that your new love may appear.....

Very very interesting.

I also felt like I should draw another card. Again, trying to draw re: M. This time, Friendship. Again, a mixed message -- speaking a bit to both relationships.... "Changes in your friendship are occurring..... appreciate the healing benefits of a true friend." "Not only is your life changing on the inside, but on the outside as well." It goes on to speak of transition (M) and finally says, "This card also signifies that you are ready to receive new friendships with people who mirror your interests and ambitions."

Wow.

I really feel like this is speaking a great deal to the prospective new relationship with my now, very good friend LC.... while also acknowledging transitions.... again

Wow.

Today's coffee

was also predictable, as she chewed on me for several different things, starting with not understanding how I can expect to do much maintenance in a couple hours a week. I told her I don't expect to and there's not all that much that's vital.....

Other yadayada

The really interesting part, though, was when I tried to tell her the speech -- don't love you, won't engage in further communication.... etc, etc.... Her first response was "So, you are abdicating your interest in the joint property??!!" "No. I still have a business interest and property interest. "

Anyway, she went on, "So, you have a girlfriend already?? Dating?? " "No, and I'm not dating" "Oh, you're just horny".... "Nope."

Anyway, then she went on to get a smirky look on her face.... and said something like, "Well, I've been intending to stop all this nasty stuff and move on..... I'm ready...." And sort of had this cat that ate the canary look on her face.....

My guess is that she's got, or think's she's got, someone waiting in the wings....

NOW, interestingly, her son just called and said that in the call HE just had with her, she practically said so..... saying something to him like, "L isn't going to have anything to do with me anymore.... But, I'm not going to have an problem meeting someone.... Maybe I already have...."

And her son said her could just visualize that look on her face that I told him about....

I told him the only thing that will bother me is if she has someone move in with her in MY house..... He said that wouldn't fly with him, either..... and I suspect he'd lay into her over that one....

We'll see what we see!!

Interesting few days

M had me really upset and bothered when yesterday she invited me to go to coffee and maybe to a local play.... Bothered me lots to have to deal with the aftermath if I turn her down, etc, etc....

Anyway, I did agree to have the coffee, because there were some conversations that have been put off a bit... But, I stopped and talked to another friend (lady, acquaintance) for some advice.

She really tore into me. Insisted that by trying to be kind, I was actually being mean. As someone else had told me, she insisted I needed to tell her unambiguously that I don't love her anymore, that I don't want see her, or go places with her.... and that I am no longer going to take her calls or return her voicemails, etc, etc. Yes, again, the good old "no contact rule" so familiar to us in the online support group.....

Anyway, I pretty much made up my mind to tell her that very thing at today's coffee....

Weird mood

I have a friend whose wife is in worse shape than M by some -- BPD comorbid with paranoid schiz. Serious breaks with reality this week. Awful situation.

My friendship that had been deepening with a peer from a town about an hour away, appears to have to be backed off on.... she started with some none too subtle verbal signals a couple days ago. I was home late last night, so I didn't call her. I chose not to call her tonight in an attempt to honor her apparent need, as I read it, for some distancing.

And, I spent $60 or so at the strip club and met an extremely beautiful young woman. 27 or 28 y.o. Blend of Spanish and Asian / island features. Great personality. Smart. Interesting..... I actually ended up giving her my contact info with the idea being we might get together some noon hour for coffee.... she's a senior at the University that I work for.... I don't need to get into her pants (I'd like to, though -- she is stunning -- so to say otherwise is a lie).... I'd just enjoy her company.

Oh, and I was supposed to have gone to the house today to take care of some stuff, but M started acting out yesterday / last night and it seemed that I was NOT allowed / or to go out... Didn't get an answer to my phone call or a call back.... So, of course, I'm feeling a little guilty. A little bit concerned about "the price I'll have to pay", and all that.... AND have studiously ignored an impulse to at least run by the house to check on things.... at least from the road.
Stupid, stupid idea -- taking responsibility that isn't mine.... I've managed NOT to do so, though!!

One month anniversary

Says she. Probably true. Anniversary of when I left the household.

That and the rough conversation we had yesterday p.m. seemed to be something she has stewed about.... 'cause I got a nasty VM around 3 p.m. -- usual accusations of emotional abuse (I think she's defining not answering her calls as abusive....) and of blaming her for everything.... and on and on and ont.

then, an hour plus later, I get calls that I take and it's about "doing a walk through" on the yard work, etc, as well as the need to do some maintanence on the lawn tractor....

sigh...

Apologies?! Indeed!

Well, M called last night, no VM and I didn't call back. Called again early in the day today, which I did return. She said, "Well, I was more up for this last night.... Anyway, I apologize for Wednesday night...."

Then she wanted to get all in to how offended she was over the things my son had said to her and all that. I didn't give her much on that. I told her the cause was her nasty phone message left in the first place. Had that not been made, S would not have had any conversation with her at all, no matter who called whom.

She still insists HE called her, and left a nasty message.... I just told her that the call logs would tell me who called whom.....

Of course, by the time I was at work, she called to demand to know how to see those call logs. Told her they are NOT available to her. Period.

That's because giving her access to hers would give her access to mine and who I talk to and for how long is NONE of her business. Of course, I didn't tell her that. Just that I would not provide the access. Period.

M's contact with my son S

Well, based on the call I got from my son, S last night, and then after hearing M's anguished and angry messages that later resulted, here's what I think I know.
5
Sometime around 8:00 to 8:30 p.m. last night (Sept 5) M called my son in Raleigh NC. Left him a VM accusing him of participating in MY (her imagined) hiding of money.... etc, etc... and apparently went on to carry on about how she was going to SUE him, get his house, and throw him and his wife and daughter OUT ON THE STREET. S says the message was 5 minute 14 seconds in length.

He was very angry when I got a hold of me, but I calmed him by convincing him he had nothing to gain by interacting with a "crazy person". He agreed NOT to call her, but warned me that if she called HIM, he would be extremely nasty to her. Extremely.

Well, her later messages of the night indicated that she HAD heard from S and gotten an earful. She seemed to claim that he'd left a VM message for her saying that she was "a terrible person, a slut, a whore, a homewrecker and a drunk". She left some angry and offended messages for me, but before she was done, she left sobbing and anguished messages about how "I'm NOT all the things he said I am.... " Plainly he hurt her as he intended.

BUT, my real concern had to do with whether HE had called HER or vice versa.

I talked with him this evening, and ascertained the following (which can be proved out when I next get a Verizon billing.....

M called him roughly 8:00 or so last night. Left a brief VM.
S called back, her phone was off, and he left a brief return message along the lines of "got your call, calling you back" or something, maybe a little ornery, but not offering much reaction.

She shortly after called again -- that call went to VM, and is the 5:14 (length) call referenced above.

And, according to S, later in the evening (not sure of the time) she called him again. HE'D had 3 beers or so -- took the call -- and laid into her in the extremely nasty manner he said he would. Very hurtful, and intended to be so.

I regret that happened, but OTOH, she brought it on herself. She never should have called him in the first place. For any reason. Had she NOT called again into the night, the diatribe he engaged in would not have occurred.

And, frankly, after having his home and family outright threatened, he had a right to be angry.

I'm noting this because I need to check the logs when the bill comes.

Log of # of calls

OK, I listened to 2 or 3 voicemails from M early in the evening. She's since called incessantly from her cell and from home.

At this point:

22 calls from ~ 5:00 p until 10:500p -- at times, every few minutes..... Ring. VM, call back.

17 voicemails which I may not even listen to.

absolutely awful.

this has got to stop

More acting out and all that

This evening has been a lot of additional acting out and compulsive behaviors out of Marilyn. She's called my cell incessantly. Worse, she called my son in NC and left a very threatening voicemail:

Apparently referring to the proceeds from the sale of her home in our previous town, she asserted that I had apparently stolen or otherwise misappropriated the money... who knows how... and informed my son that she thinks he probably helped me with that AND that she and her volunteer lawyer would be suing me and him and HE and HIS wife and child would be losing their home and out on the streets....

Got him really upset.

He settled down when I told him that I had included a request to bar contact with my family in the pending Personal Protection Order.

Still, she's again gone way the hell out there. Bad, bad news.

Hardball time!

Threats and more threats

M is threatening:

Do you think that a civil court is going to NOT notice that once your income significantly increased you no longer had any use for me and, further, went so far as to continue keeping me out of our "joint" finances so that you could spend all of my money and as little of your income on our joint and individual expenses as possible? Do you really think that I will NOT drag you through every legal venue I can in order for you to get the comeuppance you so sorely deserve? Do you not know that one of my very best qualities (to your detriment) is being tenancious? Have you considered what could very well happen to your job once all of what you have done becomes common knowledge? I certainly would not want you to be my blue collar union president once all of what you have done to me comes to light. Have you thought about those ramifications?

Do the math. The paltry sum that you have contributed for the past year or so has put me in a position of having no reserve resources at all. What you have done with your money is your business, I suppose, and it's too bad that you have little reserve to show for it... but you have and always have had very bad spending habits....


Now, the fact of the matter is, I moved nearly $15000 from my personal account to the joint account during the last half of the year. $3600 more from my savings then and since.

And though she doesn't care to face facts, I've paid plenty of joint and my bills out of my personal checking. Plenty.

She imagines a bunch of squandering or some misappropriation of assets -- she can look all she wants. Neither happened. So there is nothing to find.

Now the threats have started

I suppose it was inevitable. The threats, veiled and direct both, have started over the last few days. I quit calling her or responding sometime around Tuesday or Wednesday after she got rude and incivil in her tone and messages. That lack of contact, even negative interactions, drives her crazy - but that's not my problem. It's hers.

But, as a result, over the last day and a half she's taken to leaving me voicemails that threaten to "expose" my financial improprieties or something. There isn't anything to expose, but she's trying to act like there is.

She talks of a paper trail. Of incriminating evidence. Of going to my employer's HR dept with ??? Of the possiblity that "you'll lose your cushy position."

Accusations of "spending all my disability money on yourself"

on and on.

Facts won't bear her out.

She left a firm demand, many times, that "you call me BY 9:00 a.m. and plan to have a serious discussion about all the financial issues by 10 a.m." yadayada

I simply voicemailed back that I got her threatening phone calls and would not be responding at this time due to the need to keep my head clear for my job duties.

Guess we will see whether she's going any further or not.

I think I have called her bluff and she's got nowhere to go with this crap!!

Last night

I deliberately ignored M's phone calls through the evening and night. She was going pretty crazy. Power was out again, briefly, so she was going ape-shit over that. Then crazy over "where are you? " "XX is at the topless club maybe" and on like that.

Truth of the matter was, I spent a night relatively alone... well, not exactly. I stopped at my son's bar and had a beer and a sandwich. Then his girlfriend's bar (not hers, but she tends), then headed home to my apartment.

Spent lots of time talking to my very good friend who is both trying to help me transition and who is really finding herself challenged by her own (unspoken) feelings that are developing toward me.

I'm interested. But at the right time.... however, strong as she is, I keep having to reassure her that at the moment all we're headed into is a close friendship.

I even promised NOT to outright ask her out "on a date" (as opposed to going out with a friend....) until the year turns.....

Meanwhile, M kept going crazy. Called and called. Left numerous messages. Few that I kept.

She finally quit. Apparently went back home and found the electricity back on. Then emailed me to complain that the WIFI was messed up at the moment.... Sigh.


I see this a.m. that she called 3X around 1:30a.m. without leaving any messages. Glad the phone is somewhere I don't hear it.

Excellent Blog entry from a BP

One of the folk on the online support group posted this. Unattributed, so I can't go see what else this BPD person might have posted....
Oh, found it: http://theshapeofdays.com/

Blog
Sunday, August 5, 2007, 8:12 am
How do you put a title on something like this?
For the past year and a bit, I've actively avoided writing anything
too personal on this Web site. Which is ironic, as it originally
started out as a sort of public diary. It was an outlet of sorts, a
place to write about stuff I couldn't talk to anyone about.

But with time, things changed. I gained a microscopic speck of
notoriety for some articles I published here back in the fall of
2004. The set of people who read this site and the set of people I
actually know in real life began to overlap. This site began to have
professional implications for me; I could conceivably get or lose
jobs because of this site.

So I clammed up. I stopped writing about my life and started writing
about things.

I can't do that any more. This morning I'm going to write a post that
I've been putting off writing for … god. For years and years. My
whole life, it seems.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------

Some of my friends know this already. Like, two of them. I think.
Others may have guessed. Most, particularly my casual acquaintances,
probably have no idea.

I have a mental illness. It's very serious.

It's called "borderline personality disorder." The reason they call
it "borderline" is because it's right there on the cusp between
normal and psychotic. Yeah, I said psychotic. Due to a brain defect
or malfunction, psychotic people perceive the world in a
fundamentally different way from normal people. Psychotic people
might hallucinate or they might not, but the defining characteristic
is what the doctors call a profound disconnect from reality. What
they think is going on isn't actually what's going on.

My problem — I don't have a good word for it; call it a disease,
handicap or disability and my eyes roll — my problem is a little
different from that. I also have a profound disconnect from reality.
But I'm aware that I have it. That's what puts me on the borderline,
rather that right in the middle of psychosis.

The defining characteristic of my whatever-you-want-to-call-it is an
inability to form and maintain normal human relationships. Romantic,
platonic, social, professional, whatever. I have a deep-seated fear
of abandonment. I often feel betrayed for no reason. I believe that I
am a worthless human being, and consequently doubt that anyone could
actually desire my company/love me/enjoy talking to me at a party, et
cetera. Out of fear of losing personal bonds, I push people away as a
defensive reaction. See, I think they're just going to abandon me
anyway, so fuck `em.

I go through periods of uncontrollable rage. That is to say, the rage
is uncontrollable. I get angry for no good reason, or at best for a
very, very insignificant reason, and it doesn't go away readily. I'm
not dangerous in any meaningful sense, at least not to others. But I
can be very difficult to be around.

My mood swings have been clocked as being faster than the speed of
sound. Believe me, if we could find a way to harness my mood swings,
we'd never have to burn a drop of oil again.

During times of extreme stress, I experience what the doctors call
dissociation. I sort of lose control of my thoughts and actions. I
see myself from the outside, with no conscious control over what I'm
saying. I find that I've said things I never meant to say, never
should have meant to say. It's an extremely difficult sensation to
describe, and an extremely unpleasant one to experience.

I was talking to a friend — one of the two people — recently. She
asked me, "If you realize this is going on, why can't you just not do
it?" I think I laughed, though I didn't mean to be rude. It's the
most obvious question in the world. It's just that the answer is also
obvious, if difficult to understand. The part of my brain I would
ordinarily use to make judgments and draw conclusions is the very
part that's affected by this problem. I can't just don't-be-like-that
because my brain literally doesn't work that way.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the bible
of sorts for the study of the mind, compiling the sum total of human
understanding — such as it is — of psychiatry, includes a nine-point
checklist of characteristics that mark a person who may have a
borderline personality. I score eight out of nine. That's the best
score I've gotten on a test since high school.

Here's the bad news. My problem is essentially incurable. There's no
pill for it. There's no universally, or even widely, effective
combination of drugs and psychotherapy. I am extremely resistant to
therapy or counseling because I have such serious problems developing
trust. I am the best liar you've ever seen. On the worst day of my
life I can tell you I'm fine, even great, and make you believe it.
Because I'm so afraid you'll abandon me — where "you" is a friend,
lover or somebody trying to help — because you see me as different,
less normal, less whole, less … lovable.

Being the way I am has cost me nearly every job I've ever had. It's
cost me nearly every relationship, of any type, I've ever had. It's
gotten me into so much financial trouble that I can't even imagine,
much less see, a way out. It has, in a very real sense, ruined my
life. Sorry for the melodrama, but I'm just trying to explain this as
best I can.

I'd like to take a sidebar here and say that this is an extremely
difficult post to write. My curse, if I can be allowed a moment of
self-pity here, is that I've got this extremely serious and, yes,
life-threatening disorder of the brain, but I'm left aware and
rational enough to understand the stigma associated with it, and to
fear being treated as a disabled person rather than just as a person.
This, in a nutshell, fucking sucks.

So why am I doing this? Why am I "coming out" like this? The honest
answer is that I don't know what else to do any more. I've tried
everything I've ever known how to try. I've gone to the emergency
room seeking admission as a psychiatric inpatient. (I do not
recommend this, by the way, unless you think spending twelve hours
handcuffed to a chair next to a drooling meth addict is lots-o-
laffs.) I've attempted to confide in friends. I've been on drugs —
the prescription kind, I mean. I've seen therapists. I've even
prayed, back before the Almighty — if He even exists — stopped taking
my calls.

So now I'm screaming in the dark.

Maybe there's somebody out there. Maybe there's somebody out there
who's like me. Somebody who's learned to live and function with this
… ugh. This handicap, for lack of a better word. Maybe that person
will send me an e-mail with a magic incantation for surviving with
this.

Or maybe I'll be that person for somebody else. Maybe some twenty-
year-old girl is sitting out there right now, in the wee hours of a
Sunday morning, crying in her dorm room and wondering why she can't
be like everyone else. To that person, whomever and wherever you are,
I don't have any answers. I'm sorry. I don't really believe, deep
down, that anyone does. I probably can't be your friend, just like
you can't be mine. People like us can't really have friends, not in
the long run. But understand that you are not alone. I'm in this too.
Right there with you.

Maybe that'll help somebody.

I honestly don't know.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------

So what do I need? I honestly don't know. I need to feel like I
matter. Like the things I do have meaning. Like people are affected
by me in a positive way. I need constant reassurance. It's pretty
pathetic, really. Emotionally, I'm a lot like I child. I need
positive attention, and when I'm not getting it — even for just an
hour — I feel like I don't deserve it and will never have it again.

A defining characteristic of people like me is that we're incapable
of seeking positive attention in socially acceptable ways. "Hey, do
you wanna go see a movie?" is impossible for me, because all my brain
allows me to see are the obstacles in the way. Of course you don't
want to go see a movie with me. I'm a pain in the ass. I'm impossible
to be around. I react strangely — intensely positively or intensely
negatively — to anything that happens. Of course you don't want to
sit next to me in a dark movie theater for an hour and a half.
Obviously. And if you say no? If you're not interested in seeing a
movie, or you have other plans? Well, that just confirms everything I
suspected all along.

And dating? Please. Don't even talk to me about dating. Not an option.

This isn't my choice. It's how my brain works. And the fact that I'm
aware of it doesn't mean I can just make it stop, because the part of
my brain that I would otherwise use to make it stop is the part
that's malfunctioning. Being self-aware doesn't cure it. At best, it
mitigates it, and during the worst times it can't even do that.

So what do I need today, right now? I don't know that either. Today
is going to suck. Send me an e-mail. Leave a comment here. Tell me
you understand. Tell me you don't understand and ask me questions. If
you don't hear back from me in an hour, send me another e-mail and
say "Hey, asshole, write back to me." And keep doing it until I
believe that you actually give half a damn.

Or don't. Just go hug your kids or something. Tell them they're good,
and that you love them. Tell them that you love them even when you're
not telling them that you love them. Maybe by doing so — I have no
reason to believe this; I'm just making this up as I go — but maybe
by doing so, you'll prevent somebody else from growing up to be like
me.

House key?!?!

One of the ridiculous exchanges tonight was over her demands that I tell her how to change the keypad # and to turn my house key over to her.

On the latter, I flat-out told her NO. I've half of the house, and I should have the resources necessary to enter or otherwise inspect the property.

the next a.m., I did help her try to reset the garage door code....

and I half offered to pass my key on to her sister....

Such fun tonight

Well, I went over tonight -- supposed to be to go over some financial stuff and questions and to finish mowing the lawn...

Naturally, she had to start in on other stuff first. I kept trying to get to why I was there, but she had to carry on -- I frankly don't recall the details -- only that we didn't cover all that much of what I THOUGHT I was there for.

I did cover some important areas: the amount of $$ I've moved to joint accounts, per my records, the deposits into the stock account (and the lack of withdrawals thereof) as well as the current valuation (hey, looks like about an 8% return annually, and that's with the market low over the last few weeks.)

Anyway, I have a little recall of one stupid-ass thing she carried on about. Seems the nightstand area from my (former) side of the bed got all cleaned up. I recall doing it one day, but not when.... Well, SHE'S decided that I must have been in the house WITHOUT permission when I did that bit of cleanup.

I wasn't (but I don't really recall when I did clean it up). But, she's really convinced herself that the only explanation is that I was there when she wasn't and without her permission.

She's wrong, but can't seem to hear me explain otherwise. I haven't been in the house, or even on the premises without her approval ever since she demanded that.

Weird evening - weird take on a picture

M showed me a pic from 3 or 4 years back -- From left to right:

my dad, M, my older stepson's G.F. at the time, her dad, me, my mom.

My mom is clearly squeezing me and laying her head on my chest to show her continued affection after all these years.

M has a different take, and not for the first time offered an Oedipal opinion.

What a crock.

M keeps trying to claim that my mom and I are "too close" etc, etc,

She really got to outrageous when she called out the door, as I was leaving, "When your Dad dies, your MOM will be crawling into YOUR bed."

Amazingly offensive!