T: I totally get it about the A2 thing. I think I really pick up on her feelings for you and maybe that's why I felt the need to question if I was wrong in my prediction. I feel very strongly that she feels VERY strongly about you! I know you know this, but I think it's actually stronger than you even realize. Not to complicate your situation or anything!!

BH: well, apparently, as dense as she is about the energetic level, others certainly do seem to pick up on A2's feelings!! Today, in a nondemanding, but totally honest way, A2 did make it clear that she's ready and very much interested in a "significant other" relationship with me. She reviewed the last year together and all the mutual support and learning... how much fun and enjoyment we find together. Etc. And I am very, very tempted. I do care for her a great deal. And I am questioning myself about foregoing the potential based on the possible astrological issues. Yes, I think B and I, esp based on Rosemary's reading, could have a great thing... but, probably not right now....

B has suddenly taken a turn toward withdrawal -- and I'm certain it's because she picks up energetically on A2's feelings.... In fact, A2 had been doing a great deal of thinking and planning and talking about with her cousin and her half-sister about me and how to tell me how she feels and such over the last few days... and I think B picked that up. That, and the fact that in a week, I'll be more in A2's proximity than I have been lately.... and B finds that threatening..... and, if I'm honest, I'm not all that ambivalent toward A2. She seems to be taking me for who I am, as I am.... She's a lovely, loving person.....

I have to confess, I am very much considering letting things go to a more serious point with A2....

B and I have a lot of common interests -- camping and hiking, for instance, that I won't be doing with A2 (but could with TC, as she's got those same interests as well.....) And, on a metaphysical level, Beth has already helped me be even more comfortable with that aspect of the universe..... There's a lot to be gained and learned by a relationship of some sort with her, but with this latest "shying away", I'm leaning hard toward just putting that situation on a friendship basis.....

Irony is, I had been leaning the other way, but this weekend is the latest of several unexpected withdrawal behaviors on B's part.... I'm kind of feeling like it's just not time for that one after all. Maybe later in this lifetime, maybe in another.... But, I'm feeling a bit like I might ought to just put that one on an "occasional keeping of company" basis.... I was trying to convince myself that I should keep Linda on a friendship -- nonsexual basis -- but now, I'm really feeling like there's just WAY too much baggage and doubt inside of Beth for a "preference" toward her to be entirely appropriate at this point.

So, you've sort of touched where I was leaning.... treading lightly.... She is very sensitive, on several levels..... She doesn't know about TC, since that was on the non-contact path while B has been part of my life.... But, I have to say, I'm more comfortable with the idea of dealing with my very good friend who became more, A2, should TC re-surface, than I am by the idea of what might transpire if Beth and I become more involved and then TC comes back into the picture....

I guess my trouble is, I find it too easy almost to love. I could fall in love with B, or with A2, or with TC, or even with you..... and I care deeply about treating women I care for with great grace and kindness......


I think things are still early enough with B to allow for keeping things very light.... and she won't find that terribly hurtful..... OTOH, if we were involved as we could get, and then TC came into it.... B would be greatly, greatly troubled.....

Bottom line is, B, for various reasons is being really hot / cold -- flaky toward me.... I'm not sure I care to jump on such an emotional roller coaster as that....

at this moment, I'm rather inclined to go ahead with the A2 thing and let it play out its course as it will.

hmmmmmm.......

message back to my intuitive

this message almost is a journal entry so I'm dropping it into my journal.

Hi BH,

T: I've been sooo busy! My horse tore his MCL (ligament) so I've spent an average of 8-10 hours a day at the barn for the past 6 weeks icing and bandaging him on and off. 50% chance of recovery from this.

B: Sometimes I'd love to have a horse myself, but for all the money and trouble.
I do hope it goes well.

T: I got your message also, regarding A2. I'd like to talk to you about this because maybe she could be the one afterall? I'm not sure where your feelings are for her. I should have a little more availability this

BH: I don't really recall what I said in my message. I've been keeping communication with A2 kind of minimal this week. I have become quite interested in pursuing a further relationship of some kind with B (however deep or long it may or may not be....). And I went down to A2's last Sunday afternoon (which B knew about and tried to be accepting about but was a little troubled by.... even though she knew my purpose was to clarify with A2 my intent to keep things at a friendship basis, and that without the "benefits" (much as I might like to indulge now and then, LOL).

Anyway, A2's thinking has been shifting toward MORE involvement between us even as mine has moved toward being careful to keep it where it is at.... She had difficulty hearing me, apparently, that I've been seeing a lot of B and am quite interested in her..... and even though A2 has been encouraging me to find others, etc, etc, Monday morning she let me know clearly she was ready to move ours up a notch.... I danced around that as best I could and have been real cautious about her the rest of the week.

She's my best friend and I greatly fear hurting her (more than this week has). But, without the guidances, I've come to realize that she has a lot of unresolved issues with true intimacy and relationships. She is extroverted, yes, but her self-esteem, ESP re relationships, is terrible. I think pursuing an actual, serious relationship with her, without her having dealt with those things, would only lead to great hurt (as the relationship would not likely last) and would end the friendship, or course.

When I add to that your guidance toward caution re: A2, Rosemary's very clear indications that that's a relationship to just have fun with -- more would tend toward problems -- and Christine's guidance (the same -- don't get too serious, don't go too far).... I am very comfortable about not going further than this strong friendship with A2. Even though my heart absolutely aches at the idea that I may (be) hurt her.

Meanwhile, Rosemary did B's chart for me yesterday. LOTS of good potential there. Likely some other/past like connection. Good potential for a great relationship there..... but will take time to develop. For one, B is still very cautious due to her last relationship, as am I in many ways.... for another, B senses that my heart may not be fully available and that I may not have acheived all the healing I need to yet.... not to mention, she's cautious about my "Scorpio moon" and her own heart! Anyway, Rosemary seems to think it will continue to unfold on through Sept and then maybe go some place.

BUT, then there's the TC factor. Rosemary drew cards on that situation, too. You and she remain convinced that TC and I have some future together.... She sees TC as finally coming back into the picture in late August, having finally dealt with some issues and realizing they were hers, not others, and asking herself about why she quit talking to me when it was enjoyable.... and starting the connection back up....

Sooooo.. let's see here. I have myself in a roil over A2's feelings for me. I still wonder about TC. She may come back into the picture in the middle of my trying to pursue some greater connection and relationship with B, who is also quite compatible chart-wise..... Maybe I should just back away from them all!!

Huge sigh.... (and suppressing a flirty comment about you.....LOL)

T: week. I've been so swamped since my horse got hurt trying to manage him and still ride another horse, take clients, take care of the kids since they don't have school and oh yea, I have a husband too! :) I'll try to give you a call when I'm going back and forth to the barn. I usually have about 10 minutes at a time.

BH: I've been ousted from my union presidency and am working at a regular job now. I can take a call if I am not occupied, but this week's day times has some crazy stuff in it.... so we may have a challenge getting each other. Evenings work, after 5:30 and somewhat early (because after 8:30 or so B and I are often together). Mornings, I'm generally up by 7 or 7:30 on my way to work at 8:45


Thanks. and best to you and your horse and all. /BH




Take care,

T

Love life a challenge

Out of town woman A2, having become my best friend, wants to be more finally -- but we're not really compatible astrologically, and she's got deeper issues to deal with than she realizes or seems willing to face.

Local woman very interesting and interested. But cautious. Astrologically compatible. Probably a past / other life (or several) connection.

Way out of town woman peeved at me last Spring, I'm told will come to grips with her issues and come back into the picture.... It's a mess.

I have the first one on my mind a lot (A2) as I am trying not to hurt her....

Major change in my world in the last few weeks. Hard to
explain, but I lost my presidency to a 25 y.o. boy.
3 years out of school, for pity's sake. Not really lived
life at all. Yet, my organization's executive board chose to
install him in my place.... weird politics in the background.
Again, hard to explain. Let's just say this kid was campaigning
for real in the background, while giving me a story about
being nominated as a token opposition. It's a decision that
will prove to be harmful to the members' interests, but
not one I can reverse or change.... So, life moves on.

Fortunately, I have a good relationship with my counterparts
at the employer and I have a job waiting if I want it. It's not
really a question of taking it -- and it's a good opportunity --
it's just a matter of details.

Big adjustment, though. I will go from being almost completely
self-directed, with fulsome authority and autonomy, to having
to follow directions and have almost NO autonomy. Ouch!!

But life has taught me, if nothing else, to be flexible and roll
with the punches. And more and greater opportunity is likely
to come along. The job waiting is at least a credible stop-gap
for me.

Angel oracle guidance tonight

Well, so I went to get a DVD from my shelf to put on and my
"Healing with the Angels" deck (Doreen Virtue) called to me...

So I went through just basic exercise of casting 3 or
4 cards.... Very, very interesting.

Card 1: recent past -- New Beginnings. Yipe!! (and NO KIDDING,
that sure is what's up!! From the booklet, "A clean slate is
presented to you as you now encounter fresh opportunities
and novel experiences.... Embrace the new in your life.....
Sometimes we cling to old routines because they are
familiar....the angels ask you to be open to
new approaches to life..... allow yourself to be
stretched.....

Card 2: present life situation -- Self-Acceptance.
"Let go of negative self-judgements and enjoy
being you.... While it's important to have high standards,
it's important to view yourself through loving eyes.

Card 3: Near future events -- Miracles. "Expect a miracle....
be open to allowing God to help you resolve your
challenges in ways that will surprise you....Blessings are
surrounding you right now. Be open to a miracle
coming your way.

Card 4: Further future -- Truth & Integrity. "You are
guided to be very honest with yourself, and to be
true to yourself in all of your activities and actions....
Let go of anything inauthentic and all activities that
do not mirror your highest intentions for yourself.
Surrender troubling conditions.... Release the unhealthy
situation(s) and healing will happen rapidly....Expect
a miracle when you decide to "be true to you".

more info

I have come to find out that there was far more going on covertly to engineer the recent change to my leadership capacity than met the eye at first. Much more. Quite disappointing, I must say, that people I thought respected me apparently do not. There is a fundamental lack of integrity that occurred that is very very troubling.

But, it's time for me to move on for now and let it be!!

Other consderations

This change is a large financial blow to me. I'm going to have to rapidly assess how to deal with that, as well. Probably starting with forcing M to deal with the house we own together. I CANNOT any longer support her by being the sole payor of the mortgage on that property. This situation FORCES me to a point of having to press her to pay the mortgage herself, or better yet, buy me out. Or sell the place. The status quo won't work.

I can afford my lifestyle and choices that are likely going to be available with a new placement at the employer -- if I only have to pay MY expenses and not the old "joint" expenses. She will have to find a way to "step up" or do something..... Or lose the house, together....

I also have a very nice Ford F-150 that I probably better get serious about trying to sell. For the time being, if I can get rid of it, I should be able to pick up another cheap around town vehicle that could be minimally insured. With no truck payment and low insurance payments, that too would help massively in my new financial situation to come.

OTOH, I think I have to continue making at least basic progress with my own house. Certainly getting the carpeting installed as planned. Roof?? Needed, but I'm not sure what I'll do with this situation being what it is....

We'll just have to see.

Life changes

Today, my life took yet another unexpected turn. In effect, I lost a job that I thought was quite secure. I had a leadership position with an organization, governed by an executive board that elects the organization's leadership / officers. We've had a political war with some dissenters from within the greater membership for the last year.... which I thought I'd handled by and large gracefully for the organization. However, the board apparently, with perhaps too little aforethought, decided otherwise... and elected new leadership.

It's disquieting that they did such a thing with virtually no prior warning. I really did not see this coming.

Thing is, I don't know as they really assessed the potential consequences of their actions. I don't know as they understand that ultimately, they've fallen into the traps laid by the dissenters, even though the board is not part of that dissenting effort. They've essentially ratified the criticism mounted against me, personally.... and by extension, indicted the organization.

Not to mention, they've put a leader in place who is too young, has too little experience, etc. I don't think the broader membership is going to be well served by this change. It would be one thing to move toward succession in a considered and measured fashion. But what they've done here, however naively or inadvertently, bodes ill for the future of the organization. That worries me.

For my part, I am trying to stay optimistic -- confident that I will get through this in good order. Be placed in a good opportunity with the employer and that I will be, for my part,
OK in the long run. Big change.... but OK.

Still, I am disturbed and disquieted. All I can do is let things transpire as they will, though, and be open to a better future than ever.... whatever that may be for me.

Practically speaking, mucking out my office is not a small thing.... I'm not the most organized, either... So there are masses of papers to go through and organize in some fashion, even if that isn't my best talent. Mentoring the new leadership quickly.... etc, etc.... All that is more daunting to me than the prospects of finding a placement again at the U.

Big sigh.....

Her life

So, M has been making a point, I think, of having mostly less contact, and usually civil when she does. A little outside, at times, but mostly it's calm.... for now.

But, she booked a trip 2000 miles away, to ski for Xmas and all. Took her boy that lives in this area, and a friend of his (they drove!!) and had her older son meet her at the resort. It did NOT go well. I hear there was some good skiing, but wacko mom came out big time. The younger boy didn't complain much, but I know his tolerance got stretched a bit.... But, the older boy couldn't stand the scene overly long. Not a surprise. He's a bipolar person, and has to watch his emotional state. He's been working hard, I think, to keep his exposures to negativity low..... Anyway, I'd heard from the younger that the older boy seems to be buying his mother's "poor, abused me" stuff and that he pretty much agrees that "mom's really better off away from L".....

Here's the rest of the story. His aunt, whom I remain friends with, emailed him to see how things went and how he's doing, and here is what he wrote back to her. It is VERY TELLING about how ill M continues to be. I've left the names, as they're first names only and meaningless on their own:

Well since you asked... Yeah I had some serious reservations about spending 8 days with Mom and Josh, the only reason I went along with it was to support Mom being free of L (so she says) she was adamant on "the fam" spending Xmas together, so I went along with it, for as long as possible anyways. She was correct, it was freezing up there. Since everyone was bitching about me having the thermostat set at 75, one night I was wearing several layers, wrapped up in a blanket, wearing ski gloves in the condo. I've always been thin blooded but living in AZ for so long has taken it to the extreme. As far as snowboarding goes (or any winter sports for that matter) I'd rather not, the memory of my last outing when I broke my back is still fresh in my mind and I still feel the effects on a daily basis, so I'll stick to hiking, biking and camping thanks. I thought I made that relatively clear before hand, but occasionally we only hear what we want and not what is said. As far as the rest of the trip.... Yeah I talked to Lisa quite a bit, with her is where I really wanted to spend my holiday and she's been a huge part of my life and I far from enjoyed the company I was in, which is unfortunate but true. The first morning we were all together Mom was slamming cupboards as a way to wake Josh, I don't think she took into consideration that that was a rude way to wake me up, as if I should have expected anything less. Christmas day went like this-woke up-exchanged a few gifts-everybody left- I spent the day by myself- they came back and Josh and Mom had one of those verbally abusive arguments, she took off, Josh was bitching at me about her, when she returned they got into it again but this time mom started including me in her distain for josh (probably since I wasn't getting involved and defending her), so I started making reservations to get out of there. I packed my bag, booked a non-refundable hotel stay for the following two nights in Salt Lake City and the next day they all went skiing and when they came home I asked if someone would take me to SLC and mom said no, Josh said no, so I started looking into a rental car (again), of course nothing was available, so mom pitched a fit and said she'd take me even if it meant she might drive off the mountain because she was so tired. At that point I didn't want to get into a car with her anyways and I think it was shortly after she flung a flash light at me which flew apart after making contact with my shin and after she stopped flying off the handle and cussing at me that I informed her I would suck up the $100 I just wasted on the hotel room that night and stay at the condo if I could get a ride to the hotel the next day. So the remainder of the evening was spent listening to her talk shit to me and calling me everything but white but by the time she was on her way to bed she had settled down, she wrote me a check for $100 which I ripped up and threw in the trash. I interpreted that gesture as her attempt to excuse bad behavior or maybe it's her way of saying "I'm sorry". Needless to say when she realizes the check was never cashed I hope she understands that her informal apology was not accepted. Anyways, the next day things only got worse, after she dropped Josh and Andrew off at some ski resort she continued the onslaught of name calling, sarcastic remarks, verbal/emotional abuse- which I must say, having to listen to her put me down for an hour and a half certainly challenged my ability to keep myself in place of love and content. Even with my ipod on and the volume cranked up to drown her out I couldn't escape all the negative energy that was flowing my way. The entire experience was truly a living hell, but I learned a great deal. Family a side, those two are miserable people. Regardless of the fact that they are "blood", in my life I choose not to surround myself with people like that (hence I live 2800 miles away.) Between Josh trying to fire up arguments with me and Mom verbally trying to coax me off a cliff, thankfully I made it home pretty much unscathed (or so I keep reassuring myself), having only wasting 6 1/2 days and $400. At least when I got back to AZ I turned right around and drove to CA to see Bill, which was much needed and long over due. It was really great. I'm thankful that our relationship really evolved in the few days we shared together. Hopefully, someday you and I can do that. Considering most of the time we have spent together was when I was a little terror. Thank goodness I can't really be held accountable for being such a little shit back then! LOL

My life these days

is better than ever. I bought a foreclosed house I'm fixing up quickly. Will have created $40k or so in equity in it by summer. Enjoying living on my own. Dating. Have an FwB, although at our age, she'd rather be thought of as someone who hangs out with me, casually dating, and occasionally having sex..... Whatever. She's my best friend, but the romance bit isn't really a "thing" for good or ill or otherwise. Just a couple people who enjoy each other's company, and, occasionally, each others "parts". LOL.

Work's challenging for many reasons but it'll pass. Money's tight. But that will pass, too.

And, visiting with my son's family, enjoying my 5 y.o. grand-D, GREAT!!!

Catching up

Well, just a quick catch-up.

Love life, interesting. I now have a love interest (friends tempted to be more, much more) in A2, one in TC who is warming up quickly enough -- that one I need to be careful about having any rebound stuff happening, as this is the relationship that my metaphysicians think is "THE ONE", and now I have a local strong interest as well.

That last one I think is going to be fun. Not quite 10 years younger. Very whole, a little extra meat but great personality. Instant attraction on our first date. I don't see it terribly likely to be long-term, but I think it's going to be a really nice involvement. [could not recall who this referred to until I went back to old email. This was a reference to a lady from law enforcement who got wayyy too friendly, too soon. Deep kisses in the karaoke bar on the 2nd or 3rd date, plus an "interest" in having me come over to install an icemaker in her refrigerator.... made the "crazy" alarms go off. I dropped her after about 4 or 5 dates. ]

Meanwhile the EX is getting wonky about the disposition of the house. I think she MAY be suspicious that I'm buying something else (her son is probably hinting that to her). SHE isn't giving ME much info on her intentions, and I continue to manage the interactions between us very very carefully. Like this:

Her: Also, do you still intend to move back here once I'm gone?

ME: Not really, and I certainly do not plan to move back permanently
when that day comes.

Her: I guess I don't even know what this means. What do you intend to do with this house?

ME: Prepare it for sale and sell it -- at least that is the most likely.

She's going to be really unhappy when it finally hits that I've bought my own place, will move my six foot grand piano, and that her options on OUR real estate just got lots more limited -- mostly due to her nastiness and stubbornness and ragefulness.

Work-wise, I have some challenges -- I anticipate weathering them, but things are a little rough.

My A2 friend showed some of the behaviors last night that apparently she's had in the past put men off. She got really "out there" very assertive, lots of "you should" advise, way more energetic about my business than was useful for me at 10:00 at night when I'm trying to motor down. On and on about "those people are CALLING YOU OUT AND YOU HAVE TO DISH IS BACK. NO ONE CALLS ME OUT AND GETS AWAY WITH IT...." etc, etc.

I finally had to get a bit firm with her to back her off. I really needed more calm supportive conversation.

As I backed her off some, then she started in about how she's "used to people finding her a bit too much a lot of the time, but that's ok.... that's just who I am". etc.

I addressed that briefly. I don't think she really understood. And, she clearly doesn't understand how unwelcome men find unsolicited advice!!

I'm sure we'll talk today or tonight. It will be interesting to see if she says anything about last night's interchange. I won't. I will simply make note of it and learn from it. Now I know a bit more about her and her style. What that means for whatever we are headed for in this universe, we'll just have to see.....

It puts me off a little, but nothing I can't get over or otherwise put aside.

astrologer visit

happened yesterday. Kind of a follow up to the intuitive reading I had a few weeks back. Interestingly, the astrologer confirmed pretty much what my intuitive, and my intuition were telling me.... that my TC friend may lead to wonderful things..... but that my A2 friend has to be handled with some care..... that she might be quite a handful if we go the next step -- that SHE would be MORE bothered by a full blown sexual involvement that cools off later than I would. The astrologer says it's a real possibility that A2 would be much more attached than I would and would find going back to "friendship" difficult..... The astrologer even went so far as to say that it would be "real messy" once the line is crossed.

Considering that we are barely holding off being fully sexual, this has been an adjustment.... and I'm still not sure we won't go there....

Buying a house, challenging finances

Well, it appears I am buying a house and affording the new budget, supporting two mortgages, etc, will be a challenge. the house I look to be procuring is aggressively priced and offers a decent to excellent profit / equity opportunity. But, it's a tough budget I'll be faced with, that is for certain.

M will not be happy as I will probably have to force some issues on our joint assets, especially the stock account. Oh well. I don't live for her happiness and to avoid troubling her any more.

More interesting all the time

My friend in A2 and I are getting closer to an outright relationship, including sexual. We're struggling with how to go "there" and not damage the friendship if things don't work out, etc...

My friend in TC is continuing to experience some challenges in dealing with her feelings and grief over the end of the relationship she'd had.

T, my intuitive counselor saw no real issues or dangers in getting further involved with A2, but strongly feels I will end up, quite permanently and happily, with TC. It was interesting in a phone conversation yesterday that at one point, I said that TC needed some healing and recovery time and that it would be a year before she and I would be physical.... T said, that's what I was getting, but didn't want to put it out there.... confirmation, though. Take it slow and easy.

I also touched my friend in the local area, PK. T warned me way off of her. Said, accurately, that PK has too many of the same traits and neediness of my ex. That it would be unlikely to be a health-based relationship, etc... "run away"... Well, I won't do that, but I will be cautious about going further or giving PK any wrong impressions.

Finally, I called T about a house I was considering bidding on and her strong advise was BUY.

Numbers look a bit tight.... but, it's a great opportunity. House is still available and the prospective deal is pretty good. Maybe $90k to 95k.

Interesting few weeks

My visit to the north was very nice. Got a nice connection going with the TC lady. I think we'll see more of each other. Over the course of Wed, Thu, and Saturday, we spent a total of 7 hours or so together. Much road traveled.... My intuitive counselor had told me this was a likely "soul mate"..... Well, that's gotten interesting.

You see, my TC friend came to MY town last Sunday night to go to the concert of her ex-BF, whom she'd had a bilateral, amicable breakoff with..... He's an extremely gifted classical guitarist. I went as well, and we all, she, him, me, and a mutual friend, and a couple other guys my friends knew, all went out afterward together..... A little odd, but not bad (she told me later she was slightly uncomfortable, but handled it. ).

So, the "getting interesting" soul-mate wise.... Well, Tuesday, over the course of the day, my upper right breast muscles began to ache and get sore. Sorer and sorer over the course of the day and evening. For no known reason. No lifting. Viral? Maybe.... But, I think it was a diredct connection with TC....

You see, I called her just after 10 p that night.... we only talked a few minutes before she began to share that she was alone in her house (son had gone to visit his sis) and she'd been experiencing wave after wave of intense grief over the ending of her relationship (of seven years).

I spent an hour and a half 0n the phone with her, then went to bed....

There, as I started to sleep, I realized that my soreness was about where another person's heart would be relative to me in a full body hug....

and that I had been physically manifesting HER broken heart over the course of the afternoon and evening.

That makes me speculate that the "soul mate" connection MIGHT be past-life / karmic in nature....

In other words, the universe is giving me NO hints about these women in my life... At least no hints that are useful!!

Sigh. /Pop

Falling in love?

Hmmmm..... My AA friend is confused and confusing me... I care about her deeply. I could fall in love with her, really easily.... Teetering on the edge sometimes....

We are very natural together. Very comfortable. More so than she sometimes realizes. SHE had a friend who saw us together and commented how "relaxed" she looked while with me.... clearly her friend thought she was seeing a great match....

Well, my friend is very trepidatious because of past hurts. And, I'm not sure she's entirely recognizing her own feelings.... She's close to falling for me, too. That could get really complicating....

Why do I think she's nearly in love.... well, if I don't call her every day, she calls me. We're very good friends, and parts of us want to be much more. She talks of the difficulties of being mixed race as a couple -- tests my comfort level with that.

But, the most telling is this. She is in a leadership position in her area and has experienced the deaths of two staff people she knew over the course of two weeks. AA cares deeply about her folks. I knew she was hurting, and that she could use some support. So I sent her a nice note of sympathy. Showed some deep caring (because I care deeply for her).... She got that note Friday night, went to the funeral on Saturday... and told me last night that all she was thinking about about there was me. The deceased had the same birthday as me. She also was the "only woman in a sea of men" -- which AA kind of correlated to me (having been the oldest of 4, 2 brothers, two sons, two step-sons....)

AA took the note as indicating that I was falling or in love with her (not quite, but I could...) What I DON'T think she's in touch with is that it's been SO LONG since she's allowed anyone into her universe, to care deeply and express loving concern..... that I do and express it makes some unfamiliar loving feelings arise for her....

But, this is really quite the challenge for me, as well..... I thought she would only get more involved if she was in a permanent, one-last relationship, etc..... but I'm not sure that's the case. I feel as if we're likely to go further than I had expected.... more than friends with benefits, but less than a full-blown, exclusive relationship.

I don't know how I feel about that. I think I need to be able to have the latitude to explore the possibilities with TC, but I don't want to abrogate my relationship with AA.

And, knowing that TC could really end up moving overseas in a couple of years, really puts a touch of concern and confusion into that possible relationship in my mind.....

Like I said, I thought my visit with TC would help clarify the pathway..... but nope!! Gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other and just see where life leads me.

connections, possibilities, unclear pathways

Well, what an interesting few weeks. I just spent several days in the north country where I was able to make connections with an auld acquaintance, a greek woman I knew slightly a dozen years ago. I had stored memories and hopes, I suppose, about her, inside.... not sure why. Just did.

Well, we have visited now for a number of hours. Before we met FTF, we talked for a several hours by phone, an hour or so at a time, over the course of a few weeks. Just before I was to go to her neck of the woods, she happened to come into my area to lecture at the college, so we actually got our initial FTF over with a day sooner than expected, visiting over tea for over an hour and a half. Of course, THAT could have ended it right there. But it didn't!! When I got to her city the next day and called to check plans, to see if we were sticking to the plan to get together, she was more than interested. Picked me up, took me here and there showing me her office and her haunts. We spent two hours visiting and getting to know each other.

We had talked about maybe getting together again on Saturday, she cancelled an afternoon appointment.... she needs to do a bunch of CMEs though, and had decided she'd better work on those.... but, it was OK if we planned to have lunch. Well, I had things I should do, too, so an hour or so over lunch was going to be OK.

Well, I stopped by her office at noon as planned. She asked if I minded walking a while, she loves to walk and swim in the sunshine. So we walked together for nearly two hours before we stopped by a metaphysical / new age bookstore and hten went to lunch.

It was 3:30 in the afternoon or later before I took my leave..... Wow.

And she wanted to know when business might bring me back up.... and other remarks later when I called to let her know I was near to getting home, clearly showed a lot of interest.

Here's why... there MAY BE a strong karmic connection here. You see, it doesn't make complete sense that for 12 years or so, I've at least slightly kept track of her. Even more interesting, MY intuition / inclination and such to contact her coincided with when she was ending a 7 year relationship. (Holy shit, I just realized that ties into the 7 year cycling that my astrologer speaks of..... I'm in my 7/14 year from my latest failed relationship).

Anyway, it is facinating that when I began to think about trying to contact her, she was breaking off with her partner. Amicably. But, breaking off.

Then it gets a bit more complicated.....

One of the things that came into the conversation is that she plans to move back to Greece when her son graduates high school. 2 years hence. That's an odd twist to contemplate. Interestingly, my intuitive counselor asked me, "What's happening in two years?"

Well, there it is.... with my TC lady. Also a two year thing with my very good friend, maybe lover to be, in the nearby city (hour away). That friend AA, is retiring in 2 years. Both are women of color (Greek and African American, respectively). TC fits the picture my intuitive saw the best....

And, who knows....

I HAD hoped that this visit would make pathways clearer.... but, no such luck. LOL

Nice day

Spent today with my very good friend.... Very nice day.

Got tempted to violate my gentlemanly principles.... when it was getting about time to leave... so I did.... (leave, that is)

Life takes some interesting twists

I must say.

The other day, my intuitive counselor said she thinks I will be married again.... saw a woman in my future, "the one", with dark hair..... medium height. Maybe 130 lbs.... etc...

Eventually I gave her some info about my recently made best friend who lives in a town about an hour from me. There were lots of indicators that LC is the one.... but.... my counselor did wonder about "a son??".... I sloughed it off to LC being close to her neice and nephew....BUT....

I'm to visit a town in the north about 3 hours.... in a couple of weeks. Just on the off chance.... I found an address for a doctor I once knew -- a beautiful Greek woman -- physician.... I was smitten the very first time I saw her.....

Anyway, I dropped her a note.... figuring the chance that she would respond was pretty remote.... But, she did!! today when she received the note. She seemed very intrigued.

Bottom line is, we kind of have a date set for when I am in the area. And, her youngest child is a 16 y.o. boy....

So... one might just wonder.....

I'm really in a bit of a lather here.... I thought LC and I were headed in a very good direction..... I was entertaining notions that she's "the one", without getting too assumptive.....

But, now that MK has entered the picture.... I'm not sure where life is leading....

Guess we'll see. I have the privilege of sharing a brunch with LC tomorrow -- the first she's shared a Sunday with a man in a long time.....

We are developing feelings.... I know that.... But, who can tell where things will lead in this area or in the north country....

I'm absolutely blown away by all this.... completely....

Intuitive session

Went to my intuitive counselor again. What a warm, wonderful talent she is. And so beautiful --0 it is really difficult for me to leave that aside.... sigh....

Anyway, the crux of the reading was this.

M is continuing to try and suck energy, however she can. She needs an energy source, and I've been it. Wants me to try and have NO energetic connection with her for a solid week.

I need to cease allowing any connection especially on an energetic level. Close it. Lock it. Bar her. Visualization....

I've already begun to apply the advice, visualizing a vault door cracked open and leaking light / energy. I close it and lock it. It drifts open sometimes, and I do it again. I also am regularly visualizing the Enterprise under attack and the photons bouncing off the shields. Even as I write this.

TV also told me to do more to protect myself on the energetic level -- that M poses some dangers to me. Suggested I invoke the protections of the 4 archangels each day.

She also says she believes M to be very unstable and not to trust her. She was a little concerned about physical or other dangers to me. Suggested when I mentioned it that I probably should file the PPO.

We also talked that she's likely already met another man... dark haired, curlier -- not so nice as me ultimately. Confirmed this with the use of a pendulum.

On a more positive note, we also talked about my future relationship(s). She said she sees me married again. This time rightly. To an equal. A whole lady. Dark haired, maybe 5ft 3 or so, maybe 130#.... Eventually I gave her enough info to let us both know she is likely describing LC.

Said I am proceeding perfectly. Slowly. Letting trust build. Forging strong links in a chain. Need to be careful not to short-circuit anything.

I mentioned LC's desire that I "see others", and TV said that's not going to last long. Seemed to think that in a couple weeks, LC will be much more serious, and far less interested in my seeing others.... TV got goosebumps twice during the session -- usually indicating that the point in question is exactly right. From TV's vantage, it appears that LC and I are going to develop into that great love each of us would like to have. Cool.

As usual, drew an Angel card:

DIVINE TIMING!!!

Yow.

Have to let pieces of the puzzle fall into place. Don't skip or rush or the whole plan will lack a solid foundation. Pay attention to doors that are opening and shutting. Walk through those that open. Don't try to force those that are shut.