Nice day

Spent today with my very good friend.... Very nice day.

Got tempted to violate my gentlemanly principles.... when it was getting about time to leave... so I did.... (leave, that is)

Life takes some interesting twists

I must say.

The other day, my intuitive counselor said she thinks I will be married again.... saw a woman in my future, "the one", with dark hair..... medium height. Maybe 130 lbs.... etc...

Eventually I gave her some info about my recently made best friend who lives in a town about an hour from me. There were lots of indicators that LC is the one.... but.... my counselor did wonder about "a son??".... I sloughed it off to LC being close to her neice and nephew....BUT....

I'm to visit a town in the north about 3 hours.... in a couple of weeks. Just on the off chance.... I found an address for a doctor I once knew -- a beautiful Greek woman -- physician.... I was smitten the very first time I saw her.....

Anyway, I dropped her a note.... figuring the chance that she would respond was pretty remote.... But, she did!! today when she received the note. She seemed very intrigued.

Bottom line is, we kind of have a date set for when I am in the area. And, her youngest child is a 16 y.o. boy....

So... one might just wonder.....

I'm really in a bit of a lather here.... I thought LC and I were headed in a very good direction..... I was entertaining notions that she's "the one", without getting too assumptive.....

But, now that MK has entered the picture.... I'm not sure where life is leading....

Guess we'll see. I have the privilege of sharing a brunch with LC tomorrow -- the first she's shared a Sunday with a man in a long time.....

We are developing feelings.... I know that.... But, who can tell where things will lead in this area or in the north country....

I'm absolutely blown away by all this.... completely....

Intuitive session

Went to my intuitive counselor again. What a warm, wonderful talent she is. And so beautiful --0 it is really difficult for me to leave that aside.... sigh....

Anyway, the crux of the reading was this.

M is continuing to try and suck energy, however she can. She needs an energy source, and I've been it. Wants me to try and have NO energetic connection with her for a solid week.

I need to cease allowing any connection especially on an energetic level. Close it. Lock it. Bar her. Visualization....

I've already begun to apply the advice, visualizing a vault door cracked open and leaking light / energy. I close it and lock it. It drifts open sometimes, and I do it again. I also am regularly visualizing the Enterprise under attack and the photons bouncing off the shields. Even as I write this.

TV also told me to do more to protect myself on the energetic level -- that M poses some dangers to me. Suggested I invoke the protections of the 4 archangels each day.

She also says she believes M to be very unstable and not to trust her. She was a little concerned about physical or other dangers to me. Suggested when I mentioned it that I probably should file the PPO.

We also talked that she's likely already met another man... dark haired, curlier -- not so nice as me ultimately. Confirmed this with the use of a pendulum.

On a more positive note, we also talked about my future relationship(s). She said she sees me married again. This time rightly. To an equal. A whole lady. Dark haired, maybe 5ft 3 or so, maybe 130#.... Eventually I gave her enough info to let us both know she is likely describing LC.

Said I am proceeding perfectly. Slowly. Letting trust build. Forging strong links in a chain. Need to be careful not to short-circuit anything.

I mentioned LC's desire that I "see others", and TV said that's not going to last long. Seemed to think that in a couple weeks, LC will be much more serious, and far less interested in my seeing others.... TV got goosebumps twice during the session -- usually indicating that the point in question is exactly right. From TV's vantage, it appears that LC and I are going to develop into that great love each of us would like to have. Cool.

As usual, drew an Angel card:

DIVINE TIMING!!!

Yow.

Have to let pieces of the puzzle fall into place. Don't skip or rush or the whole plan will lack a solid foundation. Pay attention to doors that are opening and shutting. Walk through those that open. Don't try to force those that are shut.

Not much reason to post lately

Business as usual. Last Saturday was a PITA when I went to the house to fix the mower and mow-- that gave M far more opportunity to engage with me than I wanted to allow. Lots of whining about money and what she has to do and all that.

Mostly, though, the contact has been almost nonexistent. I told her last week I wouldn't take / return her calls, and to the maximum extent possible I'm trying to stick to that.

Last night after work, her son went with me to try to muck out more of the garage. That gave her some more chances to act out with me -- she got pretty nutty and nasty. Her son didn't much care for it, and it was not lost on him that I tended NOT to start any conversation or engage in unnecessary interaction, no matter how much she tried to provoke me with nasty cracks, accusations and remarks.

Anyway, my lack of availability, response and all that is what it is. Whether it drives her crazy is NOT my problem.

I am actively trying to "shut down" to her on all levels including the energetic level. I may have to stop journaling about her at all in order to keep her out of any thoughts....

Angel cards today

Well, on a more interesting and positive note, this a.m. I up and decided to draw an Angel oracle card. I thought I was doing it in regard to the later interaction with M.... but, actually, what I drew was the Soulmate card.... and I realized that might very well be related to my very good friend, LC, that I've made... for whom and from whom some interest seems to be really developing.

In fact, I scribbled a quick note that I had been trying to think of M as I drew, but realized that LC had been crossing my mind all morning.... so....

But, there is also a transitional aspect to the card's meaning.

It says, "your prayer for a soulmate relationship is answered..."

The explanation goes on to talk about desiring a partner with a similar philosophy and common interests.... a great love.... Yet, it also talks of "If you are in a current relationship, your angels ask you to release this partnership to them..... they can help you to gently end it so that your new love may appear.....

Very very interesting.

I also felt like I should draw another card. Again, trying to draw re: M. This time, Friendship. Again, a mixed message -- speaking a bit to both relationships.... "Changes in your friendship are occurring..... appreciate the healing benefits of a true friend." "Not only is your life changing on the inside, but on the outside as well." It goes on to speak of transition (M) and finally says, "This card also signifies that you are ready to receive new friendships with people who mirror your interests and ambitions."

Wow.

I really feel like this is speaking a great deal to the prospective new relationship with my now, very good friend LC.... while also acknowledging transitions.... again

Wow.

Today's coffee

was also predictable, as she chewed on me for several different things, starting with not understanding how I can expect to do much maintenance in a couple hours a week. I told her I don't expect to and there's not all that much that's vital.....

Other yadayada

The really interesting part, though, was when I tried to tell her the speech -- don't love you, won't engage in further communication.... etc, etc.... Her first response was "So, you are abdicating your interest in the joint property??!!" "No. I still have a business interest and property interest. "

Anyway, she went on, "So, you have a girlfriend already?? Dating?? " "No, and I'm not dating" "Oh, you're just horny".... "Nope."

Anyway, then she went on to get a smirky look on her face.... and said something like, "Well, I've been intending to stop all this nasty stuff and move on..... I'm ready...." And sort of had this cat that ate the canary look on her face.....

My guess is that she's got, or think's she's got, someone waiting in the wings....

NOW, interestingly, her son just called and said that in the call HE just had with her, she practically said so..... saying something to him like, "L isn't going to have anything to do with me anymore.... But, I'm not going to have an problem meeting someone.... Maybe I already have...."

And her son said her could just visualize that look on her face that I told him about....

I told him the only thing that will bother me is if she has someone move in with her in MY house..... He said that wouldn't fly with him, either..... and I suspect he'd lay into her over that one....

We'll see what we see!!

Interesting few days

M had me really upset and bothered when yesterday she invited me to go to coffee and maybe to a local play.... Bothered me lots to have to deal with the aftermath if I turn her down, etc, etc....

Anyway, I did agree to have the coffee, because there were some conversations that have been put off a bit... But, I stopped and talked to another friend (lady, acquaintance) for some advice.

She really tore into me. Insisted that by trying to be kind, I was actually being mean. As someone else had told me, she insisted I needed to tell her unambiguously that I don't love her anymore, that I don't want see her, or go places with her.... and that I am no longer going to take her calls or return her voicemails, etc, etc. Yes, again, the good old "no contact rule" so familiar to us in the online support group.....

Anyway, I pretty much made up my mind to tell her that very thing at today's coffee....

Weird mood

I have a friend whose wife is in worse shape than M by some -- BPD comorbid with paranoid schiz. Serious breaks with reality this week. Awful situation.

My friendship that had been deepening with a peer from a town about an hour away, appears to have to be backed off on.... she started with some none too subtle verbal signals a couple days ago. I was home late last night, so I didn't call her. I chose not to call her tonight in an attempt to honor her apparent need, as I read it, for some distancing.

And, I spent $60 or so at the strip club and met an extremely beautiful young woman. 27 or 28 y.o. Blend of Spanish and Asian / island features. Great personality. Smart. Interesting..... I actually ended up giving her my contact info with the idea being we might get together some noon hour for coffee.... she's a senior at the University that I work for.... I don't need to get into her pants (I'd like to, though -- she is stunning -- so to say otherwise is a lie).... I'd just enjoy her company.

Oh, and I was supposed to have gone to the house today to take care of some stuff, but M started acting out yesterday / last night and it seemed that I was NOT allowed / or to go out... Didn't get an answer to my phone call or a call back.... So, of course, I'm feeling a little guilty. A little bit concerned about "the price I'll have to pay", and all that.... AND have studiously ignored an impulse to at least run by the house to check on things.... at least from the road.
Stupid, stupid idea -- taking responsibility that isn't mine.... I've managed NOT to do so, though!!

One month anniversary

Says she. Probably true. Anniversary of when I left the household.

That and the rough conversation we had yesterday p.m. seemed to be something she has stewed about.... 'cause I got a nasty VM around 3 p.m. -- usual accusations of emotional abuse (I think she's defining not answering her calls as abusive....) and of blaming her for everything.... and on and on and ont.

then, an hour plus later, I get calls that I take and it's about "doing a walk through" on the yard work, etc, as well as the need to do some maintanence on the lawn tractor....

sigh...

Apologies?! Indeed!

Well, M called last night, no VM and I didn't call back. Called again early in the day today, which I did return. She said, "Well, I was more up for this last night.... Anyway, I apologize for Wednesday night...."

Then she wanted to get all in to how offended she was over the things my son had said to her and all that. I didn't give her much on that. I told her the cause was her nasty phone message left in the first place. Had that not been made, S would not have had any conversation with her at all, no matter who called whom.

She still insists HE called her, and left a nasty message.... I just told her that the call logs would tell me who called whom.....

Of course, by the time I was at work, she called to demand to know how to see those call logs. Told her they are NOT available to her. Period.

That's because giving her access to hers would give her access to mine and who I talk to and for how long is NONE of her business. Of course, I didn't tell her that. Just that I would not provide the access. Period.

M's contact with my son S

Well, based on the call I got from my son, S last night, and then after hearing M's anguished and angry messages that later resulted, here's what I think I know.
5
Sometime around 8:00 to 8:30 p.m. last night (Sept 5) M called my son in Raleigh NC. Left him a VM accusing him of participating in MY (her imagined) hiding of money.... etc, etc... and apparently went on to carry on about how she was going to SUE him, get his house, and throw him and his wife and daughter OUT ON THE STREET. S says the message was 5 minute 14 seconds in length.

He was very angry when I got a hold of me, but I calmed him by convincing him he had nothing to gain by interacting with a "crazy person". He agreed NOT to call her, but warned me that if she called HIM, he would be extremely nasty to her. Extremely.

Well, her later messages of the night indicated that she HAD heard from S and gotten an earful. She seemed to claim that he'd left a VM message for her saying that she was "a terrible person, a slut, a whore, a homewrecker and a drunk". She left some angry and offended messages for me, but before she was done, she left sobbing and anguished messages about how "I'm NOT all the things he said I am.... " Plainly he hurt her as he intended.

BUT, my real concern had to do with whether HE had called HER or vice versa.

I talked with him this evening, and ascertained the following (which can be proved out when I next get a Verizon billing.....

M called him roughly 8:00 or so last night. Left a brief VM.
S called back, her phone was off, and he left a brief return message along the lines of "got your call, calling you back" or something, maybe a little ornery, but not offering much reaction.

She shortly after called again -- that call went to VM, and is the 5:14 (length) call referenced above.

And, according to S, later in the evening (not sure of the time) she called him again. HE'D had 3 beers or so -- took the call -- and laid into her in the extremely nasty manner he said he would. Very hurtful, and intended to be so.

I regret that happened, but OTOH, she brought it on herself. She never should have called him in the first place. For any reason. Had she NOT called again into the night, the diatribe he engaged in would not have occurred.

And, frankly, after having his home and family outright threatened, he had a right to be angry.

I'm noting this because I need to check the logs when the bill comes.

Log of # of calls

OK, I listened to 2 or 3 voicemails from M early in the evening. She's since called incessantly from her cell and from home.

At this point:

22 calls from ~ 5:00 p until 10:500p -- at times, every few minutes..... Ring. VM, call back.

17 voicemails which I may not even listen to.

absolutely awful.

this has got to stop

More acting out and all that

This evening has been a lot of additional acting out and compulsive behaviors out of Marilyn. She's called my cell incessantly. Worse, she called my son in NC and left a very threatening voicemail:

Apparently referring to the proceeds from the sale of her home in our previous town, she asserted that I had apparently stolen or otherwise misappropriated the money... who knows how... and informed my son that she thinks he probably helped me with that AND that she and her volunteer lawyer would be suing me and him and HE and HIS wife and child would be losing their home and out on the streets....

Got him really upset.

He settled down when I told him that I had included a request to bar contact with my family in the pending Personal Protection Order.

Still, she's again gone way the hell out there. Bad, bad news.

Hardball time!

Threats and more threats

M is threatening:

Do you think that a civil court is going to NOT notice that once your income significantly increased you no longer had any use for me and, further, went so far as to continue keeping me out of our "joint" finances so that you could spend all of my money and as little of your income on our joint and individual expenses as possible? Do you really think that I will NOT drag you through every legal venue I can in order for you to get the comeuppance you so sorely deserve? Do you not know that one of my very best qualities (to your detriment) is being tenancious? Have you considered what could very well happen to your job once all of what you have done becomes common knowledge? I certainly would not want you to be my blue collar union president once all of what you have done to me comes to light. Have you thought about those ramifications?

Do the math. The paltry sum that you have contributed for the past year or so has put me in a position of having no reserve resources at all. What you have done with your money is your business, I suppose, and it's too bad that you have little reserve to show for it... but you have and always have had very bad spending habits....


Now, the fact of the matter is, I moved nearly $15000 from my personal account to the joint account during the last half of the year. $3600 more from my savings then and since.

And though she doesn't care to face facts, I've paid plenty of joint and my bills out of my personal checking. Plenty.

She imagines a bunch of squandering or some misappropriation of assets -- she can look all she wants. Neither happened. So there is nothing to find.