A little over the top

Nearly 15 texts, 6 or 8 emails....

I can't say that I'm surprised. Now that A2 has professed love for me, she's done so over and over and over in message after message after text after text. She really wants to come this way (or I may go hers) to do what? Some of the last things one does?? Try and salvage things? What....?

But here's the thing. When I could have fallen in love with her, she couldn't with me, or at least, couldn't face and express those feelings.

In fact, it wasn't that long ago, this winter I think, when I made idle statements that she started to interpret as "I love you" statements. Statements that were more expression of affection, acknowledgement of the deep love between good / best friends.

and it scared the HELL out of her. If she thought I was even remotely going to touch those words, she'd react, almost to the point of clapping her hands over her ears to not hear me.

I think that's when I knew it was time to rethink where things were going, or could. Other factors were involved, but that was a big one. After all the time, and plainly great connection and deep friendship (that I hope abides).... to be scared, SCARED that I might express LOVE to her.... that came to be too much. Too clear that her emotional intimacy issues need some solid work.

Other things niggled, but were less of a triggering factor. She's not very affectionate. Likes an occasional private hug, to greet, leave, etc. Not much for kissing (blames MY breathe -- coffee/beer -- but even good thorough mouth cleansing didn't make much dent in the lack of kissing stuff). She's very dim on public display like holding hands, or arms around, etc.

And, she's really a bit narcissistic. A 30 minute phone conversation will be no more than 5 minutes of words from me (I know I can be taciturn, but really). She can go on and on about what's on her mind or the latest intrigue in her unit or with the state affiliate. Never much about feelings or personal topics, unless you include the worry over some temporarily infirm friends that she's worried about and visiting regularly.

Last thing that strikes me is her most annoying tendency to give advice when none is asked for. Often with the poisonness words, "You should..." It's a communication style more typical of a man. Anyway, being an extrovert, I like to talk about concerns and issues out loud to help sort and talk them through. But, I'm not necessarily looking for advice. I usually just sloughed it off. But, it was / is an annoyance.