makes me wonder

ending two plus weeks of being off, most of that time spent with B. A brief trip to Chi town went nicely. Most of it has been good. But, I wonder.....

I wonder how things can go pretty well, seem like we're on an even keel, and then blow up a bit. Aspects of event remind me too much of the times with M. This weekend is what is currently disturbing my mind.  Last Thursday night (I think), into the evening, there was a sudden need to "talk something over". It was concerns B was having because she kept having the camillecrimson blog site open up (supposedly) when she was just randomly browsing and using my computing environment. Something about concerns about whether I might look at porn far more than I'd said in a previous discussion and whether I might therefore be "addicted to porn" and whether "that's the kind of guy she can be involved with" and so on.  I later realized that this happened a few hours after an oblique reference to my schedule the remainder of this month - and her knowledge that I'll have an MEA meeting.... which always unnerves her due to A2.  Anyway we put that minor crisis to rest in short order. but then B had a pretty sleepless night. That happens... but I wonder......

Then Friday just felt a little "off" to me all day.... but I think I recall B slept quite well that night. Then Saturday, again felt "off". I mostly ignored it. Last night (Saturday night) I thought B was feeling amorous when we were headed to bed, but then seemed to want to sleep. This morning, being our typical Sunday morning..... we initiated some lovemaking, but B had lots of trouble relaxing, enjoying and getting off. Could be meds or depression, or whatever, but I wonder.....

Today continued to feel strained and difficult in some hard to pin down manner.

Currently she's at her place doing her laundry.

I'm just wondering where we really do have or can have a good healthy relationship or if that's not possible with her background and mine.

and if not, then what? With whom?

I've also been thinking about visiting some questions of my own with her, but the timing has not seemed right. I'm just not terribly willing to pursue semi-difficult questions when things already seem strained or odd.  Avoidance. 

I do keep wondering if there is something on her mind - some bombshell issue to drop, again....

Time will tell I supposed.