M, my ex, is well into the process of filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Strangely, she listed me as one of her possible creditors. I tried to check with her attorney about what that nonsense was all about, but never connected with him. Oh well. She didn't owe me any money. I suppose there could be an effect on the remaining joint assets (some timeshare stuff). Or she may pull some shenanigans. Can't do a thing about it though.
I think a big part of the reason for her filing is the foreclosure on our old house/property. I'm sure there's a fair sized deficiency balance that will result when the bank finally fully possesses that place and sells it. Apparently she still thinks, and has an attorney to help accomplish it, that she might yet force them to restructure her mortgage..... But I doubt that will actually happen.
For one, she's reserved all the money that should have gone toward the mortgage - the lady has $12k in the bank for heaven's sake. I think the laws require that there be at least a little effort that continues by the debtor to pay regularly on the mortgage....
Too bad. It's a really nice house and property. It'd be kind of nice to get it back by a purchase, but it's still too far out for a satisfactory commute and for being even remotely active in a social scene.
Will be mildly interesting to see what transpires.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Feeling disquieted
Last night on my way out the door I caught my new boss's boss and had some conversation I'd wanted to for a while. Regarding certain issues with arbitrary policies dictated by my immediate supervisor, and more general topics about our business as well. Anyway, I didn't recollect that B was going to be home by shortly after 6p.
I got home at roughly 6:40 and rather than make up an excuse or story, I simply told the truth about where I'd been and why I was a bit late. Mind you, I didn't expect B to be home before 7 or 730 per normal. She said she told me of the early quit, but I didn't hear it.
Anyway, it did pass through my mind that since this new boss is a woman.... B might have her now all-too-typical jealous/insecure reaction.... She did.
Last night after we went to drinks and dinner a bit more came out. I didn't think it was a negative conversation, just a conversation. But I think she stayed a bit tense about it. Doesn't help that she had some lousy medical news yesterday and was feeling a little unwell herself, just as I am not feeling great (I continue to be struggling to get over this nasty winter bug that's hit the Midwest).
Anyway, as I contemplate some of what was said and has been said, it's occurring to me that deep down B truly believes that I am either actively unfaithful, or that I inevitably will be. She cannot seem to accept in her subconscious that it can be otherwise.
If my analysis is true, I think that augers poorly for the future of the relationship. I don't see how a couple can have a long-term, vital, honest relationship when one of the two cannot bring themselves to believe the other will keep a fidelity commitment.
I think that's a huge concern. However, at the moment, I'm also realizing that with health issues and feeling generally lousy, it's pretty hard for either of us to tolerate much emotional roil and cognitively put it aside....
So, I'll try to continue to be patient and quiet about this concern. Still.....
I got home at roughly 6:40 and rather than make up an excuse or story, I simply told the truth about where I'd been and why I was a bit late. Mind you, I didn't expect B to be home before 7 or 730 per normal. She said she told me of the early quit, but I didn't hear it.
Anyway, it did pass through my mind that since this new boss is a woman.... B might have her now all-too-typical jealous/insecure reaction.... She did.
Last night after we went to drinks and dinner a bit more came out. I didn't think it was a negative conversation, just a conversation. But I think she stayed a bit tense about it. Doesn't help that she had some lousy medical news yesterday and was feeling a little unwell herself, just as I am not feeling great (I continue to be struggling to get over this nasty winter bug that's hit the Midwest).
Anyway, as I contemplate some of what was said and has been said, it's occurring to me that deep down B truly believes that I am either actively unfaithful, or that I inevitably will be. She cannot seem to accept in her subconscious that it can be otherwise.
If my analysis is true, I think that augers poorly for the future of the relationship. I don't see how a couple can have a long-term, vital, honest relationship when one of the two cannot bring themselves to believe the other will keep a fidelity commitment.
I think that's a huge concern. However, at the moment, I'm also realizing that with health issues and feeling generally lousy, it's pretty hard for either of us to tolerate much emotional roil and cognitively put it aside....
So, I'll try to continue to be patient and quiet about this concern. Still.....
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Hmmm... Been sick for 5 days with a nasty URI. B is on the downside with hers - she's been ill - hard at times - for nearly a month, poor thing. I think I'll have this pretty well done by Sunday, myself. There will be a little residual, but not all that much. This is similar to the bug that took me out for 5 days last May. ( I could not recall when, but my fussy boss lady mentioned it in terms of a possible work slip. .
So anyway, I didn't have the energy to rise to a fight with B just before noon. Had to give her a lot of reassurance - apparently I left my browser set to "Private browsing" all day without realizing it.... and she encountered that last night (she always alleges to do such things accidentally - "not snooping".... I'm not so sure about that.)
So, of course, that gave rise last night to her usual rounds of anxiety about other women, that I am involved in some way shape or form (easy sex, seeking other relationship(s), etc).
I'm not and told her exactly that, yet again. She did press to know why I had bothered to be privately browsing then and I told her truthfully that I'd take a quick look at some porn, but then realized I was really in no mood or state to continue with that viewing and such. Told her, again truthfully, that that's the only reason I ever use that function.
One of my responses - that she could have seen exactly what I'd been up to by checking history turns out to be errant on my part. I experimented afterward and discovered that nothing is tracked at all during the private session, period. I thought some was, at least in the cache, until one quits out of the private use. Oh well, my error.
Anyway, when I said that, she denied looking/checking the history - says she doesn't "snoop in your stuff..."
Yeah, sure. That's why the mail client I KNOW I quit out of I regularly find open after she's been on the computer.
Doesn't other me much. I try to be mostly, but not utterly, an open book.
She was pretty worried that I'd have a very negative reaction and end the relationship. That harks back to a couple weeks ago when I did some air clearing with her about some concerns of mine that had arisen - and told her that if I felt like I was consistently back in a situation where MY anxieties (tightness of chest, that sort of thing) were getting regularly triggered due to her sometimes withdrawn, quiet disposition that sometimes is just her, but often is a sign that "there's troubledness" nigh.... If I started feeling regularly as I once did with M, I'd end the relationship.
She did wonder for herself if there are maybe too many toxic elements for here in this relationship as well....
But in this particular case, partly because I don't feel well enough for umbrage, we had a reasonable and level airing of her concerns and my responses.
All in all, that's progress - went well.
So anyway, I didn't have the energy to rise to a fight with B just before noon. Had to give her a lot of reassurance - apparently I left my browser set to "Private browsing" all day without realizing it.... and she encountered that last night (she always alleges to do such things accidentally - "not snooping".... I'm not so sure about that.)
So, of course, that gave rise last night to her usual rounds of anxiety about other women, that I am involved in some way shape or form (easy sex, seeking other relationship(s), etc).
I'm not and told her exactly that, yet again. She did press to know why I had bothered to be privately browsing then and I told her truthfully that I'd take a quick look at some porn, but then realized I was really in no mood or state to continue with that viewing and such. Told her, again truthfully, that that's the only reason I ever use that function.
One of my responses - that she could have seen exactly what I'd been up to by checking history turns out to be errant on my part. I experimented afterward and discovered that nothing is tracked at all during the private session, period. I thought some was, at least in the cache, until one quits out of the private use. Oh well, my error.
Anyway, when I said that, she denied looking/checking the history - says she doesn't "snoop in your stuff..."
Yeah, sure. That's why the mail client I KNOW I quit out of I regularly find open after she's been on the computer.
Doesn't other me much. I try to be mostly, but not utterly, an open book.
She was pretty worried that I'd have a very negative reaction and end the relationship. That harks back to a couple weeks ago when I did some air clearing with her about some concerns of mine that had arisen - and told her that if I felt like I was consistently back in a situation where MY anxieties (tightness of chest, that sort of thing) were getting regularly triggered due to her sometimes withdrawn, quiet disposition that sometimes is just her, but often is a sign that "there's troubledness" nigh.... If I started feeling regularly as I once did with M, I'd end the relationship.
She did wonder for herself if there are maybe too many toxic elements for here in this relationship as well....
But in this particular case, partly because I don't feel well enough for umbrage, we had a reasonable and level airing of her concerns and my responses.
All in all, that's progress - went well.
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