Had a really late meeting. Got home at 10 p.m.
She appears to be asleep -- but who knows. BR is dark. She's laying quietly. Didn't talk when I came through the room.
Either asleep, or studiously leaving me be.
Either one is fine.
She has to know I'm again at the breaking point with this relationship shit and her intense neediness.
But, it's nice that there were no phone calls and no notes. Amazing, based on past behaviors, but nice.
She clearly went out somewhere at some point today because some Priority mail packages I forgot to deal with are gone. And, she'd picked up today's mail from the mail box.
And, again, amazingly, it appears maybe she drank little or no alcohol (I expected to find no beer in the fridge). But, looked like most all the beer I put in there yesterday is still there.
Odd....
But not.
I suspect she drugged herself fairly heavily when she got back from whatever errand or outing she engaged in.
tomorrow s/b interesting. I think she's supposed to go the the "big city" with her sister to shop a bit (an activity M is none too fond of...)
Wonder if she'll get out and go....
Monday, June 25, 2007
Cortisone and M - AND NO nasty notes!!
Amazingly, today I had no upset / nasty phone calls, and no nasty notes when I got home.
I see she went through the mail and opened some bills -- that's fine. No problem, she should at least occasionally see what the flow of bills and obligations looks like.
Anyway, this a.m. before I left, I put a note near her pills: "I have to wonder if the Prednisone has been part of what's been going on the last couple days. "
The EXTENT of her reaction was to leave the "drug book" out, with the emotional side-effects under adrenocorticoids (systemic) circled.
I think it was a way of agreeing with me that this was part of the issues.
Certainly it was a similar cortisone / wine / dysphoric meltdown as I have seen repeatedly before.
I see she went through the mail and opened some bills -- that's fine. No problem, she should at least occasionally see what the flow of bills and obligations looks like.
Anyway, this a.m. before I left, I put a note near her pills: "I have to wonder if the Prednisone has been part of what's been going on the last couple days. "
The EXTENT of her reaction was to leave the "drug book" out, with the emotional side-effects under adrenocorticoids (systemic) circled.
I think it was a way of agreeing with me that this was part of the issues.
Certainly it was a similar cortisone / wine / dysphoric meltdown as I have seen repeatedly before.
Remainder of today, so far
Well, I VMed her in the a.m. with the message that I didn't know when her T appt was, but could do lunch if M kept her appt (if her guts would allow, after NOT taking her evening meds last night)...
Also, I think I just made the one call / message, I told her that I saw her email and that "I'm tired, but not pissed or angry."
Just tried to provide her a little reassurance about the effects of last night on my mood.
I recognized the cycle.....
More in the following messsage.
Also, I think I just made the one call / message, I told her that I saw her email and that "I'm tired, but not pissed or angry."
Just tried to provide her a little reassurance about the effects of last night on my mood.
I recognized the cycle.....
More in the following messsage.
Sorry??!!
Got this in email from M at about 9:30 a.m:
"sorry I bothered your sleep last night"
That's it. Nothing more, nothing less....
Of course, she hasn't returned my call / VM to her cell -- I called mid-a.m. and offered to go to lunch before / after her T appt if she made it....
Haven't heard a thing more.
"sorry I bothered your sleep last night"
That's it. Nothing more, nothing less....
Of course, she hasn't returned my call / VM to her cell -- I called mid-a.m. and offered to go to lunch before / after her T appt if she made it....
Haven't heard a thing more.
Aging
She's reading a book about "Successful Aging" and has really picked up on the need for good socio-community support.....
which, from what she seems to be saying, I am denying her in some manner.
I do agree that we don't have that kind of support system in place. Not by any means.
Neither do either of us exercise enough, eat really right for longevity, etc, etc.....
Looking more and more like we cannot have a life, permanently, toghether.
Big surprise, that.
which, from what she seems to be saying, I am denying her in some manner.
I do agree that we don't have that kind of support system in place. Not by any means.
Neither do either of us exercise enough, eat really right for longevity, etc, etc.....
Looking more and more like we cannot have a life, permanently, toghether.
Big surprise, that.
Genesis
Oh, part way through the evening, after one pissing match or two, she brought me this quote:
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).
and said, "This haunts me"
I said, "What do you think that it means?"
M, "I think it's more important to know what YOU think it means. You were the one who was the Bible-thumper when you were young."
I just said, well in the context of the times, it's certainly a reference to a young man leaving the household of his parents and establishing his own. However, it's certainly not meant to be taken as ending a relationship with the parents or literally having nothing to do with them.
After all, how would that play in to the commandment, "Honor your father and your mother"?
I then countered with, "What about the old saw: 'a son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is a daughter all of her life".
How is it that in traditional terms as you are viewing it, a man is supposed to "leave his parents" but a daughter is allowed / expected to retain a relationship with hers? How is that appropriate???
She didn't have much answer to that.
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).
and said, "This haunts me"
I said, "What do you think that it means?"
M, "I think it's more important to know what YOU think it means. You were the one who was the Bible-thumper when you were young."
I just said, well in the context of the times, it's certainly a reference to a young man leaving the household of his parents and establishing his own. However, it's certainly not meant to be taken as ending a relationship with the parents or literally having nothing to do with them.
After all, how would that play in to the commandment, "Honor your father and your mother"?
I then countered with, "What about the old saw: 'a son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is a daughter all of her life".
How is it that in traditional terms as you are viewing it, a man is supposed to "leave his parents" but a daughter is allowed / expected to retain a relationship with hers? How is that appropriate???
She didn't have much answer to that.
For me to think about
At one point last night she got into feeling rejected in some manner..... Mostly because at times she's angrily ready to move on from this relationship, other times, she's accusing me of "kicking me ot the curb". Often this happens within the same flow of consciousness. Minutes apart.
When she made the rejection observation, not really angrily, I asked for clarification.
She repeated how she's feeling / felt / is "devalued, discounted, by you and your mother" (case in point: M is still carrying resentment over my mom's remark on Mother's Day that M took to be another instance of my mom thinking M just freeloads or something....)
Anyway, she crystallized it like this, and this is what I want to think about:
"Devaluing and discounting ARE rejection"
When she made the rejection observation, not really angrily, I asked for clarification.
She repeated how she's feeling / felt / is "devalued, discounted, by you and your mother" (case in point: M is still carrying resentment over my mom's remark on Mother's Day that M took to be another instance of my mom thinking M just freeloads or something....)
Anyway, she crystallized it like this, and this is what I want to think about:
"Devaluing and discounting ARE rejection"
This a.m.'s note
Short and sweet...
"Bottom line: you are emotionally unavailable to me. That's totally unacceptable in a long-term relationship. Totally." With a sad face drawn next to it.
Well, there were times in last night's conflicting where I kind of knew she wanted some reassurance, caring words, and all....but I was under fairly whithering attack for the most part.
Can't offer the emotional support when I'm being fought with and accused and generally treated as THE problem.....
It's her dystopia she's creating. She needs to find a way to stop that.
"Bottom line: you are emotionally unavailable to me. That's totally unacceptable in a long-term relationship. Totally." With a sad face drawn next to it.
Well, there were times in last night's conflicting where I kind of knew she wanted some reassurance, caring words, and all....but I was under fairly whithering attack for the most part.
Can't offer the emotional support when I'm being fought with and accused and generally treated as THE problem.....
It's her dystopia she's creating. She needs to find a way to stop that.
Her dysphoric version of a property split
Oh, you can get rid of me....
All I ask is the house, (sign my half / part of the equity over), my car (who makes the payments?), the money in savings and the stock account and you can get rid of me....
I remarked, a little testy, "So, I should impoverish myself!!"
That really set her off -- "You make twice what I do, you can start over"
I didn't engage much further, other than to ask her how it is she thinks she'd make the house payments.....
She stayed steamed and offended at my "impoverished" statement / reaction. For at least a couple hours. Still carried on about it when I went downstairs to see about turning the TV volume down. And again later.
This gets right down to why I don't consider marriage at all viable any more. She would be terribly vindictive in a court fight over assets -- which is only going to come into play if we were married and divorcing.
Not interested in giving such a disturbed personality that much sway over my assets, thank you.
All I ask is the house, (sign my half / part of the equity over), my car (who makes the payments?), the money in savings and the stock account and you can get rid of me....
I remarked, a little testy, "So, I should impoverish myself!!"
That really set her off -- "You make twice what I do, you can start over"
I didn't engage much further, other than to ask her how it is she thinks she'd make the house payments.....
She stayed steamed and offended at my "impoverished" statement / reaction. For at least a couple hours. Still carried on about it when I went downstairs to see about turning the TV volume down. And again later.
This gets right down to why I don't consider marriage at all viable any more. She would be terribly vindictive in a court fight over assets -- which is only going to come into play if we were married and divorcing.
Not interested in giving such a disturbed personality that much sway over my assets, thank you.
Last night, more went on
She had the TV on so loud downstairs that I could not sleep. About 12:30a, I came down and turned down the volume and turned it off becasue she was not in the room.
That caused some conflict because "I was listening to that" (from outside, on the deck, 30 feet away, with the sliding door closed).
Moments later, she came upstairs, "Did you have a little nap?" "No, haven't slept yet".
She tried to engage repeatedly in a conflict over property splitting, which I refused to do in the middle of the night.
Later, maybe 1:30 a.m., she sort of attempted to flop, literally, herself into bed. Flopped around (seemed to me to be an irritant), said something about how "I didn't take my meds tonight, so my guts probalby won't let me go to my T appt tomorrow."
I didn't say much about that.
She got up, but had to continue to harp and angrily engage. I offered to go to the guest room. She went downstairs, with nasty remarks.
I finally took myself off to the guest room.... which also infuriated her. Not long after I'd made the bed and settled in, she burst in and said, "Oh, what the hell ever".
I finally fell asleep, woke at 5:30 a, and moved to the master BR, (had to unlock the door) lest she think I was completely angry and withdrawn.
I'm not. This is just more of the same and it will be dealt with eventually. One of will probably have to leave before this summer is over. Quite maybe sooner.
That caused some conflict because "I was listening to that" (from outside, on the deck, 30 feet away, with the sliding door closed).
Moments later, she came upstairs, "Did you have a little nap?" "No, haven't slept yet".
She tried to engage repeatedly in a conflict over property splitting, which I refused to do in the middle of the night.
Later, maybe 1:30 a.m., she sort of attempted to flop, literally, herself into bed. Flopped around (seemed to me to be an irritant), said something about how "I didn't take my meds tonight, so my guts probalby won't let me go to my T appt tomorrow."
I didn't say much about that.
She got up, but had to continue to harp and angrily engage. I offered to go to the guest room. She went downstairs, with nasty remarks.
I finally took myself off to the guest room.... which also infuriated her. Not long after I'd made the bed and settled in, she burst in and said, "Oh, what the hell ever".
I finally fell asleep, woke at 5:30 a, and moved to the master BR, (had to unlock the door) lest she think I was completely angry and withdrawn.
I'm not. This is just more of the same and it will be dealt with eventually. One of will probably have to leave before this summer is over. Quite maybe sooner.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Bottle # 2 made it worse and worse
not to mention the Prednisone in her system....
Wanted to record this while I'm recalling it, too:
One of the things she pissed around about was a txt message from my older son --
which she prompted by her own adolescent txts...
I didn't let that go far before I called her on it. I said, "And what occurred just BEFORE you got that (dog doo-doo) message?" She acknowledged she'd sent him "a few txts..." I recall it -- it was a thoroughly adolescent exchange between the two of them, that she initiated.
Then, not able to resist, I asked, "And, what about the nasty txt message you recently sent him? Why would you do that?"
Of course, she denied it was all that nasty..... Or out of line....
Anyway, in this instance, being "caught" with the truth of her own recent impropriety, she rather changed the subject.... for the time being. I don't really recall to what.... just more of the same.... Then, over the course of the night, she repeatedly informed me, "I've just been waiting for when you would throw that txt message into my face." "I knew you would eventually" (then, why send it, I might wonder) and "S has a big mouth, I knew he would let you know. AND that you would 'throw it back in my face'.
I did keep trying to disengage. Couldn't help but be a bit reactive at times. Yelling back at her, as she has been doing. That sort of thing. I would attempt to leave, and she'd say another provocative thing. I finally ended up parking myself back in front of her on the deck and letting her just carry on until well after dark (mosquitos aside -- although, it struck me as typically narcissistic that she didn't even notice the trouble I was having with them....)
Even after we went into the house, by 10:30 or so, I tried to leave and go to bed, settle down. But, she kept at her dysphoric stuff. I'd no more than settle down and stay nonreactive, than she'd go at it a different way. Again, each time I'd try to leave the room, she'd say something sarcastic or provocative.
Finally, again, I just gave up and parked myself in the living room and let her just vent and carry on some more and some more and some more. ISN'T VENTING SUPPOSED TO EVENTUALLY GET THINGS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM??
I did go upstairs by 11:00, but.... she went round some more, up and down the stairs, etc.
She evern, middle of the night, started a dysphoric tirade about her terms for a property settlement -- to which I calmly stated, "I am not having a property settlement conversation in the middle of the night."
Of course, that was after my initial reaction to her terms.... (see another message)
Damn foolishnesss
Wanted to record this while I'm recalling it, too:
One of the things she pissed around about was a txt message from my older son --
which she prompted by her own adolescent txts...
I didn't let that go far before I called her on it. I said, "And what occurred just BEFORE you got that (dog doo-doo) message?" She acknowledged she'd sent him "a few txts..." I recall it -- it was a thoroughly adolescent exchange between the two of them, that she initiated.
Then, not able to resist, I asked, "And, what about the nasty txt message you recently sent him? Why would you do that?"
Of course, she denied it was all that nasty..... Or out of line....
Anyway, in this instance, being "caught" with the truth of her own recent impropriety, she rather changed the subject.... for the time being. I don't really recall to what.... just more of the same.... Then, over the course of the night, she repeatedly informed me, "I've just been waiting for when you would throw that txt message into my face." "I knew you would eventually" (then, why send it, I might wonder) and "S has a big mouth, I knew he would let you know. AND that you would 'throw it back in my face'.
I did keep trying to disengage. Couldn't help but be a bit reactive at times. Yelling back at her, as she has been doing. That sort of thing. I would attempt to leave, and she'd say another provocative thing. I finally ended up parking myself back in front of her on the deck and letting her just carry on until well after dark (mosquitos aside -- although, it struck me as typically narcissistic that she didn't even notice the trouble I was having with them....)
Even after we went into the house, by 10:30 or so, I tried to leave and go to bed, settle down. But, she kept at her dysphoric stuff. I'd no more than settle down and stay nonreactive, than she'd go at it a different way. Again, each time I'd try to leave the room, she'd say something sarcastic or provocative.
Finally, again, I just gave up and parked myself in the living room and let her just vent and carry on some more and some more and some more. ISN'T VENTING SUPPOSED TO EVENTUALLY GET THINGS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM??
I did go upstairs by 11:00, but.... she went round some more, up and down the stairs, etc.
She evern, middle of the night, started a dysphoric tirade about her terms for a property settlement -- to which I calmly stated, "I am not having a property settlement conversation in the middle of the night."
Of course, that was after my initial reaction to her terms.... (see another message)
Damn foolishnesss
A beer, a bottle of wine, more whining, and another
bottle of wine cracked.
Yup. She can't resist. No food. A beer or two. Most of one bottle of wine. Into the next. Getting into the SOS with me, again.
On and on.
Until I challenged her. Told her that it was a bit hard to believe that if the visit from my folks were to take place in Sept / Oct, that we wouldn't be going round and round the same stuff, different time.
Her attitude / history / view of her relationship with my mom woudn't be different....
etc, etc.
But, as soon as I suggested that HER attitudes and behaviors and feelings would be the same no matter the time frame, her focus changed...
back to the anxiety, severe -- that my dad may tumble down the stairs....
the preference for an in-law apartment being added on.....
No acknowledgement that much would be the same for her part.
Yup. She can't resist. No food. A beer or two. Most of one bottle of wine. Into the next. Getting into the SOS with me, again.
On and on.
Until I challenged her. Told her that it was a bit hard to believe that if the visit from my folks were to take place in Sept / Oct, that we wouldn't be going round and round the same stuff, different time.
Her attitude / history / view of her relationship with my mom woudn't be different....
etc, etc.
But, as soon as I suggested that HER attitudes and behaviors and feelings would be the same no matter the time frame, her focus changed...
back to the anxiety, severe -- that my dad may tumble down the stairs....
the preference for an in-law apartment being added on.....
No acknowledgement that much would be the same for her part.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Coming home
Just got a call, "I guess I'm coming home because I don't have $167 to spend on a hotel room."
"Really pisses me off"
"Just thought I'd warn you"
"Really pisses me off"
"Just thought I'd warn you"
Off she goes
Well, I'm not entirely sure she should be driving... but, she up and packed a change of clothes and just took off to a hotel for the night
Near as I can tell it's because I didn't answer the "what should I (have) do (done) with my hand?" question in a way that she was happy with.
She left sputtering and spouting off about how I "just consider her a fuck-up" and "deeply flawed because she has to take meds" and other clues to how her head is spinning out of control with her emotions....
Plainly lots of self condemning thoughts pushing through. Lots of negativity toward herself.
I've said before, I don't have to say nasty things... she says enough, out loud and to herself, for both of us....
Near as I can tell it's because I didn't answer the "what should I (have) do (done) with my hand?" question in a way that she was happy with.
She left sputtering and spouting off about how I "just consider her a fuck-up" and "deeply flawed because she has to take meds" and other clues to how her head is spinning out of control with her emotions....
Plainly lots of self condemning thoughts pushing through. Lots of negativity toward herself.
I've said before, I don't have to say nasty things... she says enough, out loud and to herself, for both of us....
What do you think I should do with my hand?
says she a moment ago.
But, unfortunately, what she meant was, "What SHOULD I have done...."
which rotated right back to all the angst and trouble this visit has caused...
all the housecleaning that only she can do, to hear her say....
on and on.
Oh that she would actually report some of this behavior truthfully to her T.
and have a fully honest relationship with her T.
but I digress...
She's clearly sore (see next message -- she remarked about this in her stream of negativity as she left the house) that I said at the start of this last 3 weeks that it was her decision to quit physical therapy....
She quoted that and said I'd made the statement several times. That's probably true. I don't pretend to understand why the house had to be competely cleaned in a matter of days, with as little help from me as possible (or so it seemed).
Oh, the better to be matyred....
Of course, she doesn't recall that most of the time, early on, whenever I can home early or stayed home an extra day to try to help, she inevitably started fighting with me about the situation -- spending energy on the fighting instead of letting me get on with pitching in around the house.
Nope. She's not likely to recall that....
Only how "she had NO choice, because she WAS EXPECTED / HAD TO or whatever, to clean the house and prepare to host and entertain my folks."
OTOH, I don't thing they expect any such thing.... hence my dilemma when she demands my absolute agreement / validation of her POV and her martydom....
But, unfortunately, what she meant was, "What SHOULD I have done...."
which rotated right back to all the angst and trouble this visit has caused...
all the housecleaning that only she can do, to hear her say....
on and on.
Oh that she would actually report some of this behavior truthfully to her T.
and have a fully honest relationship with her T.
but I digress...
She's clearly sore (see next message -- she remarked about this in her stream of negativity as she left the house) that I said at the start of this last 3 weeks that it was her decision to quit physical therapy....
She quoted that and said I'd made the statement several times. That's probably true. I don't pretend to understand why the house had to be competely cleaned in a matter of days, with as little help from me as possible (or so it seemed).
Oh, the better to be matyred....
Of course, she doesn't recall that most of the time, early on, whenever I can home early or stayed home an extra day to try to help, she inevitably started fighting with me about the situation -- spending energy on the fighting instead of letting me get on with pitching in around the house.
Nope. She's not likely to recall that....
Only how "she had NO choice, because she WAS EXPECTED / HAD TO or whatever, to clean the house and prepare to host and entertain my folks."
OTOH, I don't thing they expect any such thing.... hence my dilemma when she demands my absolute agreement / validation of her POV and her martydom....
Me and my family's visit's fault -- that the hand isn't better
That's what I gather. I've now been told repeatedly that she "had no choice" but to quit physical therapy for her hand / arm (tendonitis) because she couldn't forego use of her dominant hand for any number of days....
Had to get ready for this (ill-timed) visit.
A few minutes ago, she popped in to the living room to tell me, "Lest you think it's just arbitrary, I've quit taking the Prednisone because it's not much use if I can't do the rest of it: rest, warm soaks, etc, etc. And, I just don't have time right now".
So, she keeps crucifying me, but she's the martyr....
Had to get ready for this (ill-timed) visit.
A few minutes ago, she popped in to the living room to tell me, "Lest you think it's just arbitrary, I've quit taking the Prednisone because it's not much use if I can't do the rest of it: rest, warm soaks, etc, etc. And, I just don't have time right now".
So, she keeps crucifying me, but she's the martyr....
OMG, on and on
Well, I shouldn't be surprised.
As far as I know, ALL M had to eat today was a cup of yogurt. Oh, correction.... tomato juice this a.m. and tonight and she just munched a few almonds or something.
For some reason she got up and got real active today. Wore herself out.
Of course, this evening, the beer got started on.... which, on an empty stomach, soon served to loosen her bad feelings and her tongue.
So, off she went -- over the same negative territories. Over and over and over again.
My mom, my family....
"I told my T that I'll be history soon". (Why? askd the T? "Because when push comes to shove, he'll choose his family over me...."
No kidding. And, who would be doing the pushing and the shoving, I wonder.
She wouldn't let up no matter how gracefully I tried.
Demanded validation.... I can give her understanding and empathy -- but for her, validation means agreement with her viewpoint and her "hurt". I don't agree with many of her issues / roots of the issues -- so I cannot "validate" her POV.
I have managed to disengage without getting outraged, or having to threaten to leave the house....
Let's see... what else -- Oh....
M, "this comes at such a bad time. I was just feeling good about us again, and then all this baggage hits -- with your family visit...."
She just cannot see the reality she creates for herself. It is her pathology that "makes her made the house spotless". Hers that gets so completely tense over "your mother and how she (treats, views, etc) me." Hers that makes her completely ornery about all the commensurate issues of having my folks, or my family, about.
Not mine.
MY POV is that assuming no abuse patterns, and no outright in-law hostiity, everyone ought to just be able to get along.
As far as I know, ALL M had to eat today was a cup of yogurt. Oh, correction.... tomato juice this a.m. and tonight and she just munched a few almonds or something.
For some reason she got up and got real active today. Wore herself out.
Of course, this evening, the beer got started on.... which, on an empty stomach, soon served to loosen her bad feelings and her tongue.
So, off she went -- over the same negative territories. Over and over and over again.
My mom, my family....
"I told my T that I'll be history soon". (Why? askd the T? "Because when push comes to shove, he'll choose his family over me...."
No kidding. And, who would be doing the pushing and the shoving, I wonder.
She wouldn't let up no matter how gracefully I tried.
Demanded validation.... I can give her understanding and empathy -- but for her, validation means agreement with her viewpoint and her "hurt". I don't agree with many of her issues / roots of the issues -- so I cannot "validate" her POV.
I have managed to disengage without getting outraged, or having to threaten to leave the house....
Let's see... what else -- Oh....
M, "this comes at such a bad time. I was just feeling good about us again, and then all this baggage hits -- with your family visit...."
She just cannot see the reality she creates for herself. It is her pathology that "makes her made the house spotless". Hers that gets so completely tense over "your mother and how she (treats, views, etc) me." Hers that makes her completely ornery about all the commensurate issues of having my folks, or my family, about.
Not mine.
MY POV is that assuming no abuse patterns, and no outright in-law hostiity, everyone ought to just be able to get along.
So, so day
Last few days had been OK. She's busted by her fibro. Hadn't been too churlish or difficult.
Today, however, was a bit more so - so. Volatile.
She tried to get some things done that were a bit much for her body (hand/thumb/arms/fibro.
Of course, as she hurt, or was otherwise unhappy with the world, I got the splash.
I had one bit of temper early in the day.
Both of us mostly settled down to work around the yard, in the p.m., though. Not much more conflict. A little more crabbiness from M, but I didn't rise to any bait.
Today, however, was a bit more so - so. Volatile.
She tried to get some things done that were a bit much for her body (hand/thumb/arms/fibro.
Of course, as she hurt, or was otherwise unhappy with the world, I got the splash.
I had one bit of temper early in the day.
Both of us mostly settled down to work around the yard, in the p.m., though. Not much more conflict. A little more crabbiness from M, but I didn't rise to any bait.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
A manifestation?
OK, different subject.
Last night, at about midnight, 12:30a, I THOUGHT M came through the room and brushed my foot. I was dreaming and remember kicking, like three times, before I woke up. I thought she was in the room, and then went to the hallway on her side of the bed. Almost sounded like she was using the guest bathroom. I rolled onto my back so as to cuddle her in the crook when she came to bed....
...when I realized I wasn't hearing anything more.... and the TV downstairs was still on.
So, I got up. Came downstairs and quizzed her. She said, no, she hadn't been up. Wanted to know what happened... I told her, and she just said, "Well, the veil is thin"
(a statement she's made regularly for years).
I just remarked that if it were that, then something got knocked for a loop -- sent a long way away....
I did do some protections before going back to sleep....
Hmmm.... too very strange that something manifested that physically in my presence. That doesn't tend to happen, in part because I'm dense in this plane, but also because I'm not an entity to mess with on the other planes.
otoh, could have been one of the cats happened to touch my foot....
Last night, at about midnight, 12:30a, I THOUGHT M came through the room and brushed my foot. I was dreaming and remember kicking, like three times, before I woke up. I thought she was in the room, and then went to the hallway on her side of the bed. Almost sounded like she was using the guest bathroom. I rolled onto my back so as to cuddle her in the crook when she came to bed....
...when I realized I wasn't hearing anything more.... and the TV downstairs was still on.
So, I got up. Came downstairs and quizzed her. She said, no, she hadn't been up. Wanted to know what happened... I told her, and she just said, "Well, the veil is thin"
(a statement she's made regularly for years).
I just remarked that if it were that, then something got knocked for a loop -- sent a long way away....
I did do some protections before going back to sleep....
Hmmm.... too very strange that something manifested that physically in my presence. That doesn't tend to happen, in part because I'm dense in this plane, but also because I'm not an entity to mess with on the other planes.
otoh, could have been one of the cats happened to touch my foot....
The tsunami finally stopped?
Well, Friday p.m., evening, and Saturday. The nice M seems to be here, instead of her evil twin. Yesterday, Saturday, went really really well. I got up late -- slept in some -- had my usual breakfast. She was up shortly after. We talked over some errands that needed to be done (bird seed at the feed store, little grocery shopping). And, she decided to go along with, because, "by the time we're done, it'll be time for some lunch...."
So, we did all that, went to lunch, went to the coffeehouse for an hour or so after. Got home mid-afternoon, and together tackled the master BR closet. She's been needing to switch out winter clothing for summer for a long while -- had been bitter about not having time.... anyway, we each worked on our sides and then it was done.
Stayed friendly. No real upsets or frustrations. Etc.
Evening -- made a steak on the grill. Salad. Summer supper.
Hung on the deck until mosquitos drove us inside....
I did think she might "get friendly" before I got too tired, as each of us seemed to be signalling at least a little bit of interest.... But, I tend to leave that to her as it's too easy to offend her on the sex stuff...
Sure enough, though, she came to bed about 2 a.m..... not real frisky... but a little, so finaly we made some light love. First time since vacation.....
She remarked she'd been neglecting me... I showed some concern at a point as her breathing got even that she was getting sleepy, and she said, "I'm NOT going to fall asleep on you two nights in the same week..."
Later, cuddled up, she said, "I've been missing you." "I've been right her" "I know, but I haven't."
I finally said, "I've missed you too".
To which she said, "That's an empathic statement." "Is that a good thing?" "Yes, a very good thing. Thank you".
Life in Oz goes on.
So, we did all that, went to lunch, went to the coffeehouse for an hour or so after. Got home mid-afternoon, and together tackled the master BR closet. She's been needing to switch out winter clothing for summer for a long while -- had been bitter about not having time.... anyway, we each worked on our sides and then it was done.
Stayed friendly. No real upsets or frustrations. Etc.
Evening -- made a steak on the grill. Salad. Summer supper.
Hung on the deck until mosquitos drove us inside....
I did think she might "get friendly" before I got too tired, as each of us seemed to be signalling at least a little bit of interest.... But, I tend to leave that to her as it's too easy to offend her on the sex stuff...
Sure enough, though, she came to bed about 2 a.m..... not real frisky... but a little, so finaly we made some light love. First time since vacation.....
She remarked she'd been neglecting me... I showed some concern at a point as her breathing got even that she was getting sleepy, and she said, "I'm NOT going to fall asleep on you two nights in the same week..."
Later, cuddled up, she said, "I've been missing you." "I've been right her" "I know, but I haven't."
I finally said, "I've missed you too".
To which she said, "That's an empathic statement." "Is that a good thing?" "Yes, a very good thing. Thank you".
Life in Oz goes on.
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