don't know if I've spelled that correctly.
got home a bit early today, as planned, to continue to help with the "crazy" level of housecleaning, as I term it.
M wasn't home. Dont know if she'd gone off to an appt or to lunch or what. But, she arrived shortly after I'd changed my clothes to get started.
With her book, "Sometimes I Act Crazy".
Quiet and staying to herself. Hooray
Looks kind of like she's taking a day off....
Appending Sunday:
Well, Friday p.m., I spent several hours cleaning the kitchen, while she continued to rest and read on the deck (that's a good thing).
She's been reading "Sometimes I Act Crazy" a more current book by the same authors as wrote "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me".
(She finished it yesterday; not sure that she got all that much out of it, since the primary treatment options still remain things she's resistant to doing....)
Anyway, afternoon went as it went. And, she seemed almost friendly, finally.... so, we actually went and ate. I offered to take her to Applebees, but she chose to just go down to the corner pub -- something that has been known to be OK, or bad, depends.... Food can be decent, never great. Prices on beer have gotten a little high... but I digress
Amazingly, she had only ONE pint of beer. Almost as if she was trying to be careful not to overdrink.... Part of her knows there is a huge issue with alcohol and loosening her bad mood and nasty remarks.... So, I was glad for that.
Came home. Watched a little TV, reading, etc.... she had a glass of the sparkling wine she'd opened night before (ran out of beer, white wine, etc.... poor thing).
Then, after a bit, she poored what was left into her glass and a flute for me and brought it to me with a toast. "How about we just get over it and get on with it...." or something like that..... a clearly reconcilial statement, whatever it was....
And, shortly after that, I went to bed in a peaceful way - and was unbothered. She came to bed, cuddled up some (late) and seemed to go to sleep in a good mind....
Friday, June 15, 2007
Late conversations and note this a.m.
She started by 8:00 going at me. Up and down with the energy. Worse with each beer, etc.
I managed not to have an angry reaction this time.
When I finally got to go to bed, she came and engaged me a couple more times. Finally, she let on to some feelings that hadn't been so clear -- obscured by the raging....
Came up and said something like, "would it kill you, make you break out in a rash, to say something like, "M, I fucked up. I'm sorry and I will try never to repeat the mistake. I love you and I want you to be part of my life..." Then she headed back downstairs.
I cogitated on that and when she came back up 5 min later, I did tell her almost exactly that. She then said, "I don't even know what do to with that...." like she has before.... needs to feel loved, even when outraged, can't quite handle being loved.
Note this a.m., though:
"Thank you for saying you want me in your life. That means a lot to me. How to acheive that remains a mystery as to how that works."
I managed not to have an angry reaction this time.
When I finally got to go to bed, she came and engaged me a couple more times. Finally, she let on to some feelings that hadn't been so clear -- obscured by the raging....
Came up and said something like, "would it kill you, make you break out in a rash, to say something like, "M, I fucked up. I'm sorry and I will try never to repeat the mistake. I love you and I want you to be part of my life..." Then she headed back downstairs.
I cogitated on that and when she came back up 5 min later, I did tell her almost exactly that. She then said, "I don't even know what do to with that...." like she has before.... needs to feel loved, even when outraged, can't quite handle being loved.
Note this a.m., though:
"Thank you for saying you want me in your life. That means a lot to me. How to acheive that remains a mystery as to how that works."
LTD note
So, because she was acting like she might take off, days, weeks, whatever, I left her the recent several mailings from the LTD co for releases and recertification (the harassment, every 3 years or so). Not to mention trying to be better about having HER take care of HER business.
Mind you, I've helped her manage the LTD stuff from the first. And, there's never been a question of opening the mail and letting her know if there was an issue or forms to take care of....
Until now, while I am "the enemy".
Anyway, left her the forms so that if she truly was taking off for any notable time, she could deal with those....
So, a note, of course, left on them:
"How about I "never" saw any of this (like J's (her son's) dental cobra (a fly-by for both of us, but it's my fault!!) Which by the way I HAVE NOT seen this. YOU opened these "confidential" letters addressed to me so I guess it's up to you."
Of course, that's crazy, since I cannot sign for her.... never had her declared incompetent, but maybe that was a mistake....
Mind you, I've helped her manage the LTD stuff from the first. And, there's never been a question of opening the mail and letting her know if there was an issue or forms to take care of....
Until now, while I am "the enemy".
Anyway, left her the forms so that if she truly was taking off for any notable time, she could deal with those....
So, a note, of course, left on them:
"How about I "never" saw any of this (like J's (her son's) dental cobra (a fly-by for both of us, but it's my fault!!) Which by the way I HAVE NOT seen this. YOU opened these "confidential" letters addressed to me so I guess it's up to you."
Of course, that's crazy, since I cannot sign for her.... never had her declared incompetent, but maybe that was a mistake....
Thursday, June 14, 2007
fighting with everyone
let's see.... she called her son in AZ, ragged on him
me
younger boy by vm
sent a testy txt mail to my son (over the grand-daugher visit)
hmmm
Seems to me she doesn't get along with much of anyone these days.
me
younger boy by vm
sent a testy txt mail to my son (over the grand-daugher visit)
hmmm
Seems to me she doesn't get along with much of anyone these days.
Did you ever go see that astrologer?
she suddenly asked out of the blue....
I mostly put her off the subject. Not much to remember, I told her....
a few noncontroversial things....
mostly dodged the question....
I did tell her the Astrologer told me we are NOT so astrologically incompatible as M has claimed.)
Mostly just convinced her that not much memorable was said.
(that's actually because I mostly put it out of my mind)
I mostly put her off the subject. Not much to remember, I told her....
a few noncontroversial things....
mostly dodged the question....
I did tell her the Astrologer told me we are NOT so astrologically incompatible as M has claimed.)
Mostly just convinced her that not much memorable was said.
(that's actually because I mostly put it out of my mind)
Why do I even guess at a time?
OK, so now I'm feeling like I shouldn't even bother to estimate my time to get home. Maybe I should just adopt an attitude of "when I get there, I'm there."
This a.m. I left a note:
M, I w/b home as soon after noon as possible. Maybe we can talk before you go anywhere. (a reference to her "intent to leave"). L/L
(the latter a reference to her suitcase and her attempt to go off elsewhere at least for a few days).
I got home at about 2:30.
She wrote on the note:
"Oops.... sorry. I read this as noon (like lunmch) not afternoon (like evening)"
reminds me of her talking about a conversation she had with her kid yesterday -- where she complained that I'm still not coming home very early.... to whcih he said, "Mom, anytime before 9:30 is early"
Now the only reason he had to say that or base that on is HER telling and complaints.... of course, he also tends to tell her what she wants to hear, as well. Easier that way
This a.m. I left a note:
M, I w/b home as soon after noon as possible. Maybe we can talk before you go anywhere. (a reference to her "intent to leave"). L/L
(the latter a reference to her suitcase and her attempt to go off elsewhere at least for a few days).
I got home at about 2:30.
She wrote on the note:
"Oops.... sorry. I read this as noon (like lunmch) not afternoon (like evening)"
reminds me of her talking about a conversation she had with her kid yesterday -- where she complained that I'm still not coming home very early.... to whcih he said, "Mom, anytime before 9:30 is early"
Now the only reason he had to say that or base that on is HER telling and complaints.... of course, he also tends to tell her what she wants to hear, as well. Easier that way
Make amends? Huh??!!
Wanted to get this down. One of the really strange rounds of conversation last night was one in which she claimed that Monday or Tuesday night when she went up to bed first, she acually hoped / thought I'd be up shortly -- and she "intended to try and make amends" whatever THAT might mean.
I said, you acted like you wanted to be left alone and you went upstairs with scarcely a word. How would I know you expected me to follow or come up soon?? Or whatever...
She fussed some about how I'd been completely disengaged from her (yup.I was reading a magazine while she had her female porn on [aka Emeril, Stacy & Clinton, etc, etc.]
I said, so.... you felt rejected because I didn't come to bed and get attention that I didn't know you wanted to give?? Or something??
Of course, she took things off in some other more nasty direction at that point, athough I don't recall the particulars.
I said, you acted like you wanted to be left alone and you went upstairs with scarcely a word. How would I know you expected me to follow or come up soon?? Or whatever...
She fussed some about how I'd been completely disengaged from her (yup.I was reading a magazine while she had her female porn on [aka Emeril, Stacy & Clinton, etc, etc.]
I said, so.... you felt rejected because I didn't come to bed and get attention that I didn't know you wanted to give?? Or something??
Of course, she took things off in some other more nasty direction at that point, athough I don't recall the particulars.
Last night / this a.m.'s note
After what I had exprssed over the course of the p.m. early evning -- admitting considerable work life pressure and essentially asking for some space to cope -- after she still cycled through much of her same issues, esp w/ my family....
including "being the other woman"
and that marriage would like fix that....
and my refusing to go too far into all that at 10:30 at night.....
she left this note (and I see a suitcase ready to go upstairs):
"this is what I heard you tell me in various ways yesterday-
- Get over my issues regarding your parents' visit for 3 weeks in july and the burden of responsiblity it puts on me [note: a reference to her belief the house has to be utterly clean before my mother steps in to it -- and M is the only one who can do that or do that right] -- never minnd the phsuical and emotional pain I'm enduring right now
--and the only variable [she says in the note] in this is me
-I'm causing you to be unable to do your job, especially because your job is particularly difficult right now
So my conclusion is that if I am not here, your life will be just hunky-dory. I can arrange that because I'm more tired of all of this than you could ever be.
(like Rachel Ray says, see you when I see ya /m
including "being the other woman"
and that marriage would like fix that....
and my refusing to go too far into all that at 10:30 at night.....
she left this note (and I see a suitcase ready to go upstairs):
"this is what I heard you tell me in various ways yesterday-
- Get over my issues regarding your parents' visit for 3 weeks in july and the burden of responsiblity it puts on me [note: a reference to her belief the house has to be utterly clean before my mother steps in to it -- and M is the only one who can do that or do that right] -- never minnd the phsuical and emotional pain I'm enduring right now
--and the only variable [she says in the note] in this is me
-I'm causing you to be unable to do your job, especially because your job is particularly difficult right now
So my conclusion is that if I am not here, your life will be just hunky-dory. I can arrange that because I'm more tired of all of this than you could ever be.
(like Rachel Ray says, see you when I see ya /m
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Nice to have such a supportive partner - not
Hmmmmm let M know today that work pressure was almost overwhelming, when on top of all the issues at home (which to my mind she's created).
Tried to get her to back off all this crap a little....
didn't really work. She strted in by early evening. Kept at it. Kept pushing bottons.
Tail end of the night, 10:10ish, she complained about her fibro -- I offered to rub cream or whatever and she turned that into a toxic interactin about how Id failed to massage her hand for her.....
Worse and worse... .she just won't give up the toxic emotions.
She's made my folks coming to visit an impossible situation for her, me, all.
Tried to get her to back off all this crap a little....
didn't really work. She strted in by early evening. Kept at it. Kept pushing bottons.
Tail end of the night, 10:10ish, she complained about her fibro -- I offered to rub cream or whatever and she turned that into a toxic interactin about how Id failed to massage her hand for her.....
Worse and worse... .she just won't give up the toxic emotions.
She's made my folks coming to visit an impossible situation for her, me, all.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Voicemail & Note
Of course, I no more than went to bed last night than she voicemailed me. More of the same.
Left this note for me as well (not bad, just transcribing it for my record):
"I know you hate notes fromn me. BUT, perhaps -- just perhaps -- you might try to be patient with me --
You, my family, and my sons, your family, the University [former employer] -- have all done a lot to piss me off -- And -- other the course of the years, I think I've done OK dealing with it. But I feel like I'm at a time now in my life that I really want to live -- and not by others' rules and constraints. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? "
My thoughts:
I note that as usual, she points fingers everywhere else -- not much introspection or taking of responsiblity.... She believes she's done OK, yet, she has been terribly inconsistent with therapy, with medical compliance, with managing her own health.... etc.
On the last, I think she's examining the proposition of going out on her own. I'm ready to let her, but I'm not sure I'm ready to push her.
Left this note for me as well (not bad, just transcribing it for my record):
"I know you hate notes fromn me. BUT, perhaps -- just perhaps -- you might try to be patient with me --
You, my family, and my sons, your family, the University [former employer] -- have all done a lot to piss me off -- And -- other the course of the years, I think I've done OK dealing with it. But I feel like I'm at a time now in my life that I really want to live -- and not by others' rules and constraints. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? "
My thoughts:
I note that as usual, she points fingers everywhere else -- not much introspection or taking of responsiblity.... She believes she's done OK, yet, she has been terribly inconsistent with therapy, with medical compliance, with managing her own health.... etc.
On the last, I think she's examining the proposition of going out on her own. I'm ready to let her, but I'm not sure I'm ready to push her.
Monday, June 11, 2007
continuing to pitch a bitch
Again, she lured me into it. Came home, a little later than I would like. But, consistent with what I'd let her know on VM.
I mowed. She quit for the day.... Early evening she stayed friendly.... Bottle of wine -- who knows how many beers before I got home -- more beer.....
By 9:00p or so, she started in to the "stuff". At first, she cautiously broached whether it would tick me off if she "found something to do" from 7/15 to 7/22 or so.... Told her, that was fine....
Then her jaw unhinged and she started in to the same old same old yet again -- all the unhappiness -- my folks. My granddaughter. ("Have to kid proof the house, that's impossible")
about OTHER people dictating how SHE'LL spend her time....
time to live HER life on HER terms.
GO for it, M, Go.
And, she's managing to have this repeated, incessant meltdown at a time at work that I need
to have a clear mind....
damn.
I mowed. She quit for the day.... Early evening she stayed friendly.... Bottle of wine -- who knows how many beers before I got home -- more beer.....
By 9:00p or so, she started in to the "stuff". At first, she cautiously broached whether it would tick me off if she "found something to do" from 7/15 to 7/22 or so.... Told her, that was fine....
Then her jaw unhinged and she started in to the same old same old yet again -- all the unhappiness -- my folks. My granddaughter. ("Have to kid proof the house, that's impossible")
about OTHER people dictating how SHE'LL spend her time....
time to live HER life on HER terms.
GO for it, M, Go.
And, she's managing to have this repeated, incessant meltdown at a time at work that I need
to have a clear mind....
damn.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Last night she trapped me with a good mood / behavior
then, wham!! At bedtime.... We talked. I heard her say the same things, again -- all about how she's not been consulted, OTHERS are dicating how she'll spend her time, and all.
Mind you, she started this "discussion" just as I said I was tired and headed up to bed. So, apparently my eyes were a bit heavy -- so she then got real pissy, with the "you're not listening.." stuff... and more carrying on.
Of course, this resulted in a big fight, I almost headed to a hotel, all that jazz.... lots of unhappiness all the way around....
on and on on the merry-go-round.
Mind you, she started this "discussion" just as I said I was tired and headed up to bed. So, apparently my eyes were a bit heavy -- so she then got real pissy, with the "you're not listening.." stuff... and more carrying on.
Of course, this resulted in a big fight, I almost headed to a hotel, all that jazz.... lots of unhappiness all the way around....
on and on on the merry-go-round.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Painting 2/3 of a wall?? Now??
What kind of weird reality is this??
Yesterday when I got home, to the crisis and the conflict, one of the discoveries I made was that she'd spent "an hour looking for paint".... and then spent who knows HOW much time redecorating 2/3 of a wall that just needed a minor bit of paint patching.
Amazing. Complaining bitterly of ALL that needs done, and puts time into something like that.
Yesterday when I got home, to the crisis and the conflict, one of the discoveries I made was that she'd spent "an hour looking for paint".... and then spent who knows HOW much time redecorating 2/3 of a wall that just needed a minor bit of paint patching.
Amazing. Complaining bitterly of ALL that needs done, and puts time into something like that.
On & on and back to the same old Oz
So, yesterday I got home a little early, intending to assist with the housecleaning that is now PARAMOUNT, due to my folks coming next month.... etc, etc, Got a little done, but MOSTLY she just wanted to jaw at me and jaw at me about how she wasn't consulted, she probably needs NOT to be there when my mom is, that she resents HER life being turned upside down, controlled / dictated by others.... on and on.
Kept me up late carrying on, revisiting the same issues / concerns. She's talking about needing to get out on her own (fine, go!!) etc, etc.
But the attacks on me into the night, affecting my sleep, is not acceptable.
She would hardly let up. Not terribly energetic with it all, but kept at pushing buttons.
So, again, I have had a lousy night's sleep when I really need to be operating in a better place....
Once again, she's creating a negative reality that has only one outcome -- her moving...
Kept me up late carrying on, revisiting the same issues / concerns. She's talking about needing to get out on her own (fine, go!!) etc, etc.
But the attacks on me into the night, affecting my sleep, is not acceptable.
She would hardly let up. Not terribly energetic with it all, but kept at pushing buttons.
So, again, I have had a lousy night's sleep when I really need to be operating in a better place....
Once again, she's creating a negative reality that has only one outcome -- her moving...
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Not thrilling me
that she may very well stay in the doldrums, be difficult for the next 8 friggin' weeks.
Be nice if she could regulate her emotions in some way remotely similar to what most people can do....
Be nice if she could regulate her emotions in some way remotely similar to what most people can do....
So tonight
when I got home, she didn't seem to be in too bad a spirit, having "cleared the air a bit earlier, I suppose.
I got started on a small project she kinda wanted done. While I was doing that, her older son called. Seems he's lost his job.... partly through his own fault (written up numerous times since he started), partly due to his younger brother who called him during his latest / most recent crisis with his GF. Made big brother 30 minutes late for work.... got written up once more, and then let go a few days later.
So, that started tonight's meltdown.... although, she and I did NOT get into it at all (thank heaven)).
But it got wierd.... kinda. But not all that for where M goes at times.....
It was around 8:30p when I gave her some warmed up pizza for dinner (her suggestion earlier). Well, it only took a short time before she had a temper flare over the pizza being "too damn hot" and she kind of flung it down onto the floor... I thought she'd go back to it, but she didn't...
Then shortly after, she added to her pill containers, and flared when they wouldn't all fit.
Then she dragged the trash bin / container up onto the deck (presumably to start throwing shit away....), marched upstairs, grabbed her box full of old / back magazines, heavy though it was, dragged it downstairs, and pitched it in to the trash.... silly, but that's how she can get at times.
Then she went back upstairs. A little while later she flounced outside and started pulling weeds.... then came back in, headed upstairs, and has since passed out / fallen asleep in her chair....
Bout all there is to that at this writing.
I got started on a small project she kinda wanted done. While I was doing that, her older son called. Seems he's lost his job.... partly through his own fault (written up numerous times since he started), partly due to his younger brother who called him during his latest / most recent crisis with his GF. Made big brother 30 minutes late for work.... got written up once more, and then let go a few days later.
So, that started tonight's meltdown.... although, she and I did NOT get into it at all (thank heaven)).
But it got wierd.... kinda. But not all that for where M goes at times.....
It was around 8:30p when I gave her some warmed up pizza for dinner (her suggestion earlier). Well, it only took a short time before she had a temper flare over the pizza being "too damn hot" and she kind of flung it down onto the floor... I thought she'd go back to it, but she didn't...
Then shortly after, she added to her pill containers, and flared when they wouldn't all fit.
Then she dragged the trash bin / container up onto the deck (presumably to start throwing shit away....), marched upstairs, grabbed her box full of old / back magazines, heavy though it was, dragged it downstairs, and pitched it in to the trash.... silly, but that's how she can get at times.
Then she went back upstairs. A little while later she flounced outside and started pulling weeds.... then came back in, headed upstairs, and has since passed out / fallen asleep in her chair....
Bout all there is to that at this writing.
More today but not bad until 2nite
Well, she saw her T today. I left her the run-down on the schedule of my folks' visit this a.m., so they reviewed that. Of course, her T "agrees with her that....." M probably shouldn't be around my mom, or if she is, probably won't be able to hold her tongue, etc, etc, not to mention how put on she is, no doubt to have to share her house, again, and all that.....
We met for lumnch today so she could debrief me. And run some of her stuff by me. Mostly stayed nonconfrontational. Observed that she didn't like to just be "informed", that she'd like to be consulted / discuss this stuff, etc. That Sept might be a better time in the future.... and she even got to some true reality....
the usual difficulties she feels between her and my mom..... ("they're NOT just feelings, their facts!!")
And, most truthfully of all:
"You're not so busy in the summer, so I get more of your time and attention and I don't want to share that very badly.....
Once again, it becomes obvious that she's only happy if she's the paramount concern in my life and of my attention..... that she can be OK as long as she is the center of my universe.
We met for lumnch today so she could debrief me. And run some of her stuff by me. Mostly stayed nonconfrontational. Observed that she didn't like to just be "informed", that she'd like to be consulted / discuss this stuff, etc. That Sept might be a better time in the future.... and she even got to some true reality....
the usual difficulties she feels between her and my mom..... ("they're NOT just feelings, their facts!!")
And, most truthfully of all:
"You're not so busy in the summer, so I get more of your time and attention and I don't want to share that very badly.....
Once again, it becomes obvious that she's only happy if she's the paramount concern in my life and of my attention..... that she can be OK as long as she is the center of my universe.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
another note or 2
At one point, M informed me, not confontationally, that she has an appt with her T tommorrow and whatever they worked out....
She otherwise was incommunicado....
Stayed mostly in the master BR. I came up a moment ago, tired, and she had this yucky "How do I look" program on the TV instead of the news.
She also had arranged a sleeping space on the floor and was fiddling with her heating pad.
Wanting to be polite, I asked, "are you watching this?" she nodded yes.
I took about 3 or 4 minutes to undress, brush teeth and come back into the room... and by then she was OUT. I actually wonder whether she was remotely lucid a few minutes ago....
anyway, she appears to be pretty well passed out. Probably the usual combination of alcohol and pills..... if she's muscle-hurting, valium and anothe muscle relaxant. Always puts her well out.... not restful, I think, but out.
It's she doesn't get honest about some of that habit with her T.
As for me, I'm feeling really frustrated tonight and could be tempted, too easily, to finally end this thing.
An odd feeling after some nice days together.
But she just doesn't seem too capable of functioning in a remotely normal way witin a relatonship.
what do you do with that when you're the well partner?
She otherwise was incommunicado....
Stayed mostly in the master BR. I came up a moment ago, tired, and she had this yucky "How do I look" program on the TV instead of the news.
She also had arranged a sleeping space on the floor and was fiddling with her heating pad.
Wanting to be polite, I asked, "are you watching this?" she nodded yes.
I took about 3 or 4 minutes to undress, brush teeth and come back into the room... and by then she was OUT. I actually wonder whether she was remotely lucid a few minutes ago....
anyway, she appears to be pretty well passed out. Probably the usual combination of alcohol and pills..... if she's muscle-hurting, valium and anothe muscle relaxant. Always puts her well out.... not restful, I think, but out.
It's she doesn't get honest about some of that habit with her T.
As for me, I'm feeling really frustrated tonight and could be tempted, too easily, to finally end this thing.
An odd feeling after some nice days together.
But she just doesn't seem too capable of functioning in a remotely normal way witin a relatonship.
what do you do with that when you're the well partner?
What's really bothering M
After some several weeks of getting along fairly well....
and after spending a really nice vacation time together....
Well, she's immediately back to the troubled mind....
She shared with me a couple hours ago that she's "figured out what's going on with her...."
Apparently, she's ALREADY anticipating the challenge / emotional difficulties / pain / etc with my elderly parents coming for a couple weeks next month, as they usually do in the summer. The primary purpose being to see various caregivers that I trust. And to visit, of course.
She knows the rough timeframe, but not the specific yet (I just got that in my email and hadn't really sorted it out to share it....)
And, my granddaughter is to come to my state next month (I think it's July and not June) to visit various relatives, including Pops (me)
My plan with for the granddaughter's visit was / is to mostly keep my visits with her to day time (hooky from the office) and maybe a weekend, while my folks are around to help.
Anyway, M is ALREADY borrowing the emotional pain a full month in advance or so....
Bothering me for details that I have not had a chance to sort out just yet. Talking about "how disconcerting it is not to know anything...."
and expressing frustration about not being consulted about the plans, and on and on.
She has done this before. Which is what I began to react to almost immediately. The idea of having an emotional wreckage for the next 8 weeks.... is a bit much.
And it happened within 24 hours of returning from a wonderful vacation -- one in which SHE says, "I feel like we were just beginning to get back on track, and now these visits are looming..."
MY observation is that a couple other times where I took time off, to be with / work with her almost exclusively over all other responsbilities or interest -- resulted in the same feeling....
she's really only happy if she's the center of my universe.... and she hates sharing me or her living space and all....
SIGH!!!
and after spending a really nice vacation time together....
Well, she's immediately back to the troubled mind....
She shared with me a couple hours ago that she's "figured out what's going on with her...."
Apparently, she's ALREADY anticipating the challenge / emotional difficulties / pain / etc with my elderly parents coming for a couple weeks next month, as they usually do in the summer. The primary purpose being to see various caregivers that I trust. And to visit, of course.
She knows the rough timeframe, but not the specific yet (I just got that in my email and hadn't really sorted it out to share it....)
And, my granddaughter is to come to my state next month (I think it's July and not June) to visit various relatives, including Pops (me)
My plan with for the granddaughter's visit was / is to mostly keep my visits with her to day time (hooky from the office) and maybe a weekend, while my folks are around to help.
Anyway, M is ALREADY borrowing the emotional pain a full month in advance or so....
Bothering me for details that I have not had a chance to sort out just yet. Talking about "how disconcerting it is not to know anything...."
and expressing frustration about not being consulted about the plans, and on and on.
She has done this before. Which is what I began to react to almost immediately. The idea of having an emotional wreckage for the next 8 weeks.... is a bit much.
And it happened within 24 hours of returning from a wonderful vacation -- one in which SHE says, "I feel like we were just beginning to get back on track, and now these visits are looming..."
MY observation is that a couple other times where I took time off, to be with / work with her almost exclusively over all other responsbilities or interest -- resulted in the same feeling....
she's really only happy if she's the center of my universe.... and she hates sharing me or her living space and all....
SIGH!!!
good vacation together last week
Really met M's needs. Somewhat met mine. First vacation I have taken in several years that was sans laptop and cell and contact with the office.
M had me all to herself, which always makes her feel much better.
Mostly it was GREAT. Really nice all-inclusive resort. Different reality being waited on hand and foot.
I do have to admit I had / have some frustration that we did not make love much. Some, but she has some gyno problems that are easy to aggravate and apparently were.... a fact I discovered only by asking.... sigh.
But, after a nice time together, and an attempt to ease "re-entry" by my taking one extra day off (Monday - yesterday) she's still ended up melting down a bit.... actually a lot.
I thought it was mostly just her upset at being back home where there is "so much to do" everywhere and so many "problems" and jobs, and, and, and....
but also, 'tis more.
M had me all to herself, which always makes her feel much better.
Mostly it was GREAT. Really nice all-inclusive resort. Different reality being waited on hand and foot.
I do have to admit I had / have some frustration that we did not make love much. Some, but she has some gyno problems that are easy to aggravate and apparently were.... a fact I discovered only by asking.... sigh.
But, after a nice time together, and an attempt to ease "re-entry" by my taking one extra day off (Monday - yesterday) she's still ended up melting down a bit.... actually a lot.
I thought it was mostly just her upset at being back home where there is "so much to do" everywhere and so many "problems" and jobs, and, and, and....
but also, 'tis more.
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