She started by 8:00 going at me. Up and down with the energy. Worse with each beer, etc.
I managed not to have an angry reaction this time.
When I finally got to go to bed, she came and engaged me a couple more times. Finally, she let on to some feelings that hadn't been so clear -- obscured by the raging....
Came up and said something like, "would it kill you, make you break out in a rash, to say something like, "M, I fucked up. I'm sorry and I will try never to repeat the mistake. I love you and I want you to be part of my life..." Then she headed back downstairs.
I cogitated on that and when she came back up 5 min later, I did tell her almost exactly that. She then said, "I don't even know what do to with that...." like she has before.... needs to feel loved, even when outraged, can't quite handle being loved.
Note this a.m., though:
"Thank you for saying you want me in your life. That means a lot to me. How to acheive that remains a mystery as to how that works."
Friday, June 15, 2007
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