Today was almost OK

M was up early. Not sleeping well, she tells me tonight. Well, that happens. She wasn't restless enough to bother me.

Anyway, I "did my duty" and called her early this p.m. to see how she was doing (she's got a sore throat -- virus??) and has been feeling even MORE tired and lousy.

Anyway, I got home at a pretty normal time. By 5:30 or so. She was chattering on the phone with her sis (115 min!!). Which is fine. Her mood seemed OK, but I noticed pretty shortly that her speech was ever so slightly slurred. Not sure what she may have taken as far as pills or how much beer she might have had before I got home. Anyway, couldn't really tell that she was particularly impaired outside of that small hint.

She wasn't hungry, so I made my supper (she'd marinated the meat). All seemed well enough.

Shortly after we settled down into the house from it getting a little chilly, she said, "About lunch tomorrow -- you have that meeting, so you probably should have lumch with your staff person...." I told her it was probably OK to have lunch, but it didn't seem all that big a deal. Anyway, it was unusually accommodating, I thought.

Mid-evening, I noticed it appeared that she'd withdrawn to the upstairs. Nothing was on TV, no need to stay downstairs, so I headed up by 9:30 or so myself. I actually thought she'd prefer that -- but I'm not so sure she wanted the company.....

She turned on a silly ass movie. And, I thought she'd taken enough pills, she'd probably fall asleep soon (I was right).

But, first, she had to blow it. Evening had been OK, peaceable. Then, just before 10, she says, "I'd like to have a little chat in the next day or so."

"Is that it?"

"Well, you need to make a note or something. Put me on your schedule".

I went and did that and left it at that.

But, just before she fell asleep, she had to start in on "Did you appreciate the way I ASKED to have a chat? You could have acknowledged that instead of making it seem like a big imposition to go write it down..."

I didn't even bother to respond to that. Just stayed away from any comment at all...

She fell asleep shortly thereafter.


IT IS AMAZING to me that she does NOT recognize how much she INDUCES her own bad moments and dysphoric reactions. Her substance abuse on top of her own disorders.... well, it's a bad, bad combination.

Not likely to change, I'd venture, either.