also need to write about B and her bender

I don't really know where to start here. I am having all kinds of PTSD (well, lightly -- but it's there). I've been feeling like there's some instability of mood and relationship with B that is of a concern -- too too much like what I had early on with M. And the last 18 hours have exacerbated that feeling quite a bit.

We went to A2 (the town) yesterday and had a very nice afternoon of shopping at a madhouse Trader Joe's, followed by some interesting beer and very fine pizza at a local brewpub. Quite enjoyable. After the brewpub, B took me to a local coffee place she likes and we had humongous cups of coffee drinks. Too much!!

Frankly, it was so much it didn't sit well on my stomach.... as we left the coffee place, B wondered if we were headed over to another nearby brewpub -- but I was trying to be conservative about driving back home over an hour and not getting too drowsy and such. Besides, it never hurts to be conservative about drinking and driving.

Anyway, I just sort of shrugged off the "next place" and walked us on toward the car.

After that, I don't know WHAT was going on. I felt as if I detected a big drop in mood from B -- she seemed withdrawn and distant -- and I had no context because she wasn't saying much. I know she felt chilled on the walk to the car. And, with the coffee drink bothering me, I wondered if she was having some tummy trouble too.

As we started up the street to head home, I asked, "is everything alright?"... "Yes, why??" -- and I just said (indicating if you will that she had suddenly seemed quiet), "Well, you know me - I just have a hard time reading you when you get quiet."

Not much else was said on the ride home. Had to stop for B to pee within half hour or so at a rest area.... Bout it.

Not much to go on -- just quiet and seemed withdrawn without context.... not a great place for me to have a partner.... it's tough on my psyche.

Oddly, when we got home, she continued to be a little "off". Seemed like she was either taking space or giving me space. Not sure which. But the big surprise was the amount of drinking she did -- because it was not particularly social -- we weren't watching a movie or cuddling or anything....

First, she ran her stuff from TJ's home -- which was fine... odd, but fine. Was somewhere around 8:30 when she got back to my house.

She sat in the chair as I sat on the loveseat (a little space is OK, that's NOT the issue). For reasons I don't know (she may/may not either) from the time she opened a bottle of wine and had at LEAST 1/2 to 2/3 of a bottle in 90 minutes (spilled some once, but not all that much).

That's WAY more than I've known her to drink in a short period like that. She went to bed just after 10:00, which is also pretty unheard of.

I don't know what the mood was all about, or the heavy use of wine.

But, she drank enough to get sick at about 11:30p. I heard her and it took me a few to realize what was going on. I wasn't exactly certain where I was hearing her from.... anyway, she stumbled out of the bedroom on very unsteady feet and I had to help her into the bathroom because she "needed to pee". It was obvious she was feeling worse than all that so I went and got barf bowls and put one where she could grab it while on the toilet. Also brought her a glass of water.

She proceeded to heave her guts for a short while.... once stable, I helped her back to bed.

I truly don't know what to think of this.... it's a bit of deja vu that I don't care to have, I know that!!

This morning, she was clearly a little concerned -- not overly -- but a little, and just said she was "really sorry for last night".

I thought about trying to initiate conversation about what the roots of it were, but left it for later if at all.... I read the paper, looked at the ads, and then I just went ahead and started getting myself around so that I could do something productive and useful.

She took that as a bit of a hint to head home (it was OK with me either way).

She did send a text: "Hope I didn't leave 2 abruptly. Feel a little under the weather. Need a long hot shower! Sorry about last night (again). Thx 4 being so kind."


Anyway, I am not sure what I think of this..... More in the next post