Guilt feelings about A2

Wow, it's been a while since I felt the need to journal. Meant to a few times, but never quite got to it.

Yesterday B and I went to A2's town to shop and enjoy a beer and meal. Went well, for most of the day -- more on the late day and evening in a different post.

Anyway, being in her town brought to mind, again that I've been realizing that in a way I had wronged her.

Looking back, I realize that over and over I saw and ignored the signs that she was quite in love with me. There was a time, early on, that I was with her as well -- but that seemed to me to be too likely rebound feelings -- and as time passed, I became more measured in my feelings. That's all been worked through and appropriately dealt with... since I broke off with her 2009 Labor day weekend.

I am concerned that in part, to deal with B's insecurities, I've had to completely eliminate "friendly" contact with my friend, A2. OTOH, A2 was not helping, as she did not quit expressing her loving feelings continually after I had made it clear what my posture in the situation was (friends -- moving on to another relationship -- etc). In fact, it was only a couple weeks ago I had to deal with that a bit more forcefully in an email message. The result is no contact whatsoever, or at least, not until passing contact at some mutual meeting.

I digress...

I have been examining the realization for a while that I KNEW A2 was in love with me. Long long ago..... and part of me liked that and did not choose to deal with it more "honestly".

I feel as though I wronged A2, all said and done, by not dealing with those feelings straight up when it was becoming plainer and plainer.

Forgive me....

I am unlikely to contact her through a letter or any such thing to ask for forgiveness, because I would not want to reopen the wounds of the breakup.... and I would not want to kindle some false hope for her (I know that it would....)

So again.... I'll throw this out into the universe -- A2 please forgive me for leading you on and allowing you to think there were mutual feelings of being in love and a future together.

You are a lovely, deserving woman and you'll make a wonderful companion for the right man. But, I came to know that wasn't me.... and yet I allowed you to think otherwise.

I wronged you. I'm truly sorry.