Another catch-up post. Foolish jealousy and doubt issues. Again!

this was from a month or so ago....

Getting to be a theme. And a little tiresome. Monday past, 4 days after the conversation I had with KB (boss's boss) and all the consternation that had caused.... it came out in a telephone conversation that B had continued to be troubled and thinking about it.... Sigh.

She asked me "did you invite KB to go out for coffee or drinks sometime or something like that". Kind of shocked me. I was feeling too poorly to react hotly or negatively, which is probably just as well. And of course I was able to tell her the truth - which is absolutely not. I also expressed a little surprise and concern at the question.

B explained that the description of KB I had used, that she's quite bubbly, blonde, energetic, vivacious, enthusiastic, those kinds of words.... she couldn't help but interpret as attraction on my part toward KB. It's as if she can't distinguish between my acknowledging that a woman is attractive, and being (or, actually allowing myself to be) actively attracted to that person.

Anyway, upon further conversation and air clearing, it occurred to me, and I expressed that the descriptive terms I had used were simply the ones we (my work peers and I ) had been using in conversation to describe this lady. And the idea that this will likely be a fairly positive organizational move for our dept. That seemed to help. That I was using a kind of collective description.

Anyway, I think maybe I need to try and help B understand that I have forEVER been very disciplined about 1) acknowledging that I am attracted to a women (when that is the case) and 2) choosing whether to act on that attraction (which has been extremely rare for me). By far, I have always actively chosen NOT to do any such thing. And such has never happened in any casual social situation at all. Nor would I be foolish enough to mix supervisory authority or work for that matter and love and sex.

This, again, is much different from a simple acknowledgement that a woman is attractive. I see plenty of those that I am not attracted to - or at least take no effort in getting to know in any way to see if I might be. Just not how I roll.