the incessance

In contrast to the way B simply "walked away" at the time and left things be and let go....

A2 is doing the incessant call / text message thing tonight. Not surprised.

I may go her way tomorrow to finish talking things through. We'll see.

A fine mess

I've told A2 that I need to move us to a friendship footing... which of course led to having to elaborate. I kind of expected that if I started into the matter on the phone, she'd want to hear the whole horror.

I tried to keep it pretty simple. Simply told her that we were in different places; that she'd seemed to think we were "exclusive" and "significant others"... but that I wasn't and hadn't been in that place. She pushed for more, and all the more real info I would give her was that "I've met someone in this area that I'm very interested in and I want to see where it goes."

Then, she dropped the "L" bomb... and told me (quite too late, now) that "I love you". Says she realized it at my last concert.... nearly told me at a business event.... and had been planning to let me, and all our friends and leadership peers know at the next meeting of our Board, in October.

She admitted she had not been "brave enough" to say so until now.

It's exactly what I was afraid of, and frankly, how I was reading the situation. But, I'd not gotten to my place without a lot of thought and deliberation.

I know I'm not in love with her. I'm fairly certain I'm in love with B, though. With A2, the feelings haven't gone beyond strong friendship for my part. And, frankly, I know that once getting to that point of realization, it might be cruel to "lead her on" in some way, as if I felt more strongly.

But, I'm firm in my resolve. I may go and visit to wrap stuff up and do the march we're supposed to do. But, I'm firm that I need to dial down A2, and "clear the decks" to see what develops with B.

That's part of what I did last February in breaking off with B; making room for me and A2 to become all that we were going to.... For me, it's not "in love". It's simply great, strong affection for a wonderful friend. I deeply care about her. But I'm not in love with her.

I hope all this doesn't break her heart for all time, and there's part of me that thinks a future could, at some point, develop there. It's not a strong possibility. But, still strikes me.

The limitations A2 has on her ability to display affection and move into deeper intimacy are a pretty severe detriment, though.

My head hurts a bit from the angst and difficulty of having such conversation. Time for bed in a moment.

It has come to the time

to try, try, try to move A2 to friendship footing. I hope it can be done without too much hurt or without losing the friendship completely.

But the fact is, I'm not in love with her. Didn't fall in love with her.... and when feelings might have approached that, she was unable to cross the line anyway. There are numerous ways in which as a "relationship" possibility, that situation falls short. Commuter relationship. Lack of displayed affection. Inability to actually "love".....

Plus, I'm pretty much in love with B. Let her back in my life, and tumbled quickly into love. Or so it feels... and it's scary. "Loving" was not kind to me with M. I'm not altogether certain I am healed enough to truly love and have it last. But, it looks like I'm going to travel that road for awhile with B. As they say, a person comes into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Time will tell.

When, how, what with A2?

Then there comes the question.... If I truly feel that in terms of relationship and deeper intimacy, that which I have with A2 is pretty superficial... .How long should I let that continue??

How do I move to a more honest situation between her and I? And how do I do that with a minimum of hurtfulness??

Will the friendship endure??

A2 thinks of me as her significant other. I haven't been comfortable with that since she started using the term. But, that's where she is....

My, my, my....

Have I hardened my heart?

What is love? How do you find healthy love?

How long will I distrust my heart....??

How do I distinguish between love, person addiction, or infatuation?

I feel like I'm 16 and I am really lost....

So, now what?

ssThat is the question that arises.... A2 calls at somewhat earlier times than she had been in the habit of.... 9ish instead of the usual 10 p.m.... Partly because I've been less accessible due to B's visits... Partly, I am thinking, because she's getting suspicious.... Fair enough.

B and I had some notable conversation last night as I gingerly broached the fact that we've become fully sexual, which brings up issues of sexual health and safety. (B has latex sensitivity, and hence tends toward unprotected sex, when she feels physically and emotionally safe to have it....

I had been wondering what other involvements she may have or have had since last February. I also was certain that she's rightfully been wondering about my situation with A2. B deferred to me going first, since I brought the subject matter up.... and I told her point-blank that my situation had not changed. No other involvements. But, still a sexual connotation to my friendship with A2.

I don't recall the whole conversation in series, but we covered important aspects.... She indicated she had not mentioned the one gentleman (W) that I knew she was also involved with last winter because she's no longer involved with him. She indicated she'd done a lot of dating since I broke things off with her. But, as for my concern that a flippant remark she'd made about "the whole hooking up with internet dates ..... " it had no sexual reference as she meant it. Just meant to say it's a weird dating world to dive into.

She is also seeing "Bob". Slightly attracted to him, but not nearly to the extent that she is to me. She "could" become sexual with Bob, but has not as yet.... She made it plain she'd frankly rather get full blown into a relationship with me. (Funny, I think we already have one...)

By that, I'm given to understand a full-time (with space for each of us, of course), exclusive situation. No doubt, she'd keep her apartment.....

I asked her straight up: "Do you love me?" Meaning, as she clearly understood, "Are you in love with me?". She said, "I think I might be. Pretty much.".

I admitted to her (not without trepidation) that I'm having similar thoughts....

She did say, though, that if I was going to continue to have a deep relationship with A2, that things between us would need to stay pretty static -- where they are (not ceasing, not deepening involvement either one). And, she wasn't going to remain exclusive with me if the fact of the situation with A2 remains as it is.

I find that fair. I wasn't presuming B and I were exclusive, so I hadn't contemplated her feeling of exclusiveness with me, while I continue to nurture two vital, important relationships....

Anyway, what I told her re: A2 is exactly how I feel. I care a lot for her. It's a very deep friendship. But, after the time that's gone by, I would expect to be in love with her if that's where that was going to go. But it hasn't. (Truly, that was one of my purposes in ending things with B last February -- to "clear the decks" so that A2 and I could become as deeply involved as we could.... I have come to realize that the friendship is fairly deep... but intimacy-wise, it's superficial between us.... THAT is probably a whole different posting....)

I went on to say, "I'll put it this way. I know I am not in love with A2. I cannot say that about you. I'm not saying I AM in love. But I also cannot say that I am NOT.

We also explored a bit why I had put things before with the breakup in terms of my emotional UNhealth. B still took / assumed some responsibility even though I tried to make it clear that it was not who / what she was or anything she was particularly doing.

I explained, as best I could, that for any number of reasons, finding it harder to read B, for instance, being pretty sensitive to how she might react, etc, etc.... I had tended to fall back into an old, unhealthy emotional pattern. Avoidance, PTSD reactions.... etc. I tried very hard to make it clear that it was ME. Not her. ME.

I further stated that going down this conversational road was in part due to my trying hard not to repeat that set of behaviors with her this time.

I think the conversation went fairly well. I suspect from a text message I received that B is still a bit bothered by some aspects.... But I do think it went well.

I'd like to think we have a friendship bond that will last. It may very well become a love relationship bond for a time as well. I'm just not buying that I'm ready for that one last time and forever relationship just yet.

But, as they say, people come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime.

I think it's unlikely that I've found anyone yet to be that one for the rest of my lifetime.

Weird-ass mood I'm in

Back to seeing B regularly, but trying to keep a lid on it. Still close with A2, but troubled that I don't see that relationship becoming deeply loving and affectionate. It will always be some variation of close friendship, perhaps with benefits for however that lasts.... but I don't see it becoming more....

With B, I am back to being totally confused about my feelings toward her. I can't tell the difference between perhaps, just perhaps, being "in love" vs just plain relationship / person addiction. I'm really quite flummoxed.

That one is a far more affectionate relationship when we get together. We both find it easy to be with the other. Goddammit. I just don't know what the hell....

I also have found myself intrigued, surprised (but not really troubled) by jealousy toward her. I presume she sees others, as she presumes of me... .I expect her to be tolerant of my freedom and other interests.. and I should be of hers.... Yet, more than a few times, when I've not reached her... I've presume she's dating or with another gentleman... and I'm actually a bit jealous of it. An odd feeling for me.

I'm looking for the right conversational time to bring truths, from both of us, out into the open. I'd like to think that I / we could handle being a bit more open and honest about each other and other involvements.... but, who knows for sure...

And then... there's the new possibility on the horizon. Old flame from high school, living in FL, who has come back into my universe. Strictly email friends right now. S hasn't even braved phoning me even though she has my number. She also hasn't shared whether she's seeing anyone there nor asked about my dating life.... Interesting. She's worn well through the years.

another story... maybe much yet to be told....

and Mel.... seems to be cold and out of the picture for this lifetime. I know there's a strong metaphysical connection... but she's not seeming to get over her angst....

Michelle and Jackie

Just recording a pleasant memory. Went to Harpers tonight to drink craft beer and listen to the music on one of the stages for the local folk festival. Conversation struck up with two very beautiful young women, 21 y.o.. Michelle, from Grand Rapids, and Jackie from Okemos. Very smart young women who did their BAs in 3 years and have each started second degree programs.

I think I was some safe, male energy for them. They talked (esp Jackie) about how intimidating guys their age find smart, independent, self-assured women. We had great conversation and camaraderie. But, nothing that crossed any lines and nothing tawdry.

They were headed to a local dance club afterwards that I would have had to beg off of, had they invited me along. Too loud and smoky!

But I definitely hope to encounter them again. I appreciated their energy and conversation, and I think the inverse was also true.

Shivered

Today's horoscope (Holiday Mathis) for me:

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You'll meet your match. Either this person is so much like you that you'll be talking for hours or so different from you that you'll be listening for hours. Either way, there's fantastic chemistry.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You'll be filled with strong feelings. Your passion can move mountains if you apply it well. Contain your enthusiasm just enough to match the tone of your surroundings and then bring it up notch by notch.

and.... well, what has happened but one of my favorite GFs from High School just today confirmed me as a friend on FB... AND put up pix before the end of the day AND still seems quite comely to me at this point....

I wonder..... Truly gives me a touch of the shivers....

Plus, I had been thinking about where to try and vacation yet this year "on my own"... I had had a fleeting thought about Daytona Fl.... and guess where SP lives?? Yup. Not quite jumping to make the reservations.... but.... it is crossing my mind. Let things develop over a few days and see...

Still, even if it was just a connection with an old classmate and sweetheart in the area... why not??

hmmmm......

Advice Goddess Alkon

got a kick out of the latest column

http://www.lansingcitypulse.com/lansing/article-3272-buy-sexual-and-boys-r-us.html

Polyamory -- honestly, still the relationship construct I would prefer

http://www.newsweek.com/id/209164/

A follow-up to the previous message.

From http://www.psych.uiuc.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm

Not much different from me and my own situation!!.

The idea that romantic relationships may be attachment relationships has had a profound influence on modern research on close relationships. There are at least three critical implications of this idea. First, if adult romantic relationships are attachment relationships, then we should observe the same kinds of individual differences in adult relationships that Ainsworth observed in infant-caregiver relationships. We may expect some adults, for example, to be secure in their relationships--to feel confident that their partners will be there for them when needed, and open to depending on others and having others depend on them. We should expect other adults, in contrast, to be insecure in their relationships. For example, some insecure adults may be anxious-resistant: they worry that others may not love them completely, and be easily frustrated or angered when their attachment needs go unmet. Others may be avoidant: they may appear not to care too much about close relationships, and may prefer not to be too dependent upon other people or to have others be too dependent upon them.

Passionate "early" love explained?

Well, especially as I contemplate that which I previously posted.. the following article / reference helps explain a LOT!!

From UTNE Reader, July-August 2009

Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Nerves

by Julie Hanus

Ah, love: that yearning, burning, transcendently punch-drunk state of being. And it all begins with . . . attachment anxiety? For decades, researchers have probed the origin of love, tediously mining questionnaires and surveys for clues as to how sparks fly (and which ones stay lit). Now they’re making game-changing discoveries, reports Science News (Feb. 14, 2009), thanks to a distinctly modern opportunity to do field research: speed dating.

“Speed-dating investigations . . . illuminate a considerable gap between what people say they’re looking for in a romantic partner and traits of the people they actually want to go out with,” behavioral sciences editor Bruce Bower writes. Stereotypical points of allure, like physical attractiveness and financial stability, are less important than people tend to estimate when filling out surveys after the fact. Instead, relationships seem to blossom out of nervousness. Specifically, the anxiety of yearning for deep, emotionally attached love—the sort of connection that takes years to form—and not being sure if the fantasy is reciprocated.

In one study, psychologists at Northwestern University conducted speed-dating events with 160 college-age participants, who then reported on their love lives over the next month. More than any other factor, apprehension regarding a partner’s feelings prompted continued interest in the relationship (note from BH: LOTS to think about here. This is kind of how I feel toward B, but it is also very close to how one can feel when you are addicted in a relationship or you care for someone with BPD. No wonder I find it soooo confusing.). Daters who felt undesired jumped ship (no hope), but so did daters who felt too desired (no uncertainty) (note from BH: this is close to what I feel re: A2, and I do wonder about the longterm, sticking around, leaving, etc). “It is almost as if a central component of passionate love is [having] the fantasy that one will ultimately possess an attachment bond with the desired partner,” one of the researchers told Science News. But not being sure it’s in the bag.

Seeing B again, occasionally

and I like it.

but I remain confused about my feelings toward / for her.... vs A2 vs healthy emotional attachment vs relationship addiction.

FB Lifetime match

quiz results interesting.... B has a lot of Virgo in her.... that might be some of the draw.... (might also be like a moth to a flame....)

completed the quiz "Who is your lifetime match?" with the result They are born between 24th August - 23rd September.
You're a big dreamer and in love, you're looking for the one. It's not easy as you find lots of flaws with all the potential lovers that cross your path. But you don't give up hope and continue your quest come hell or high water. As you get older, you lower your expectations and end up telling yourself that perfection maybe doesn't exist after all. You therefore find yourself content with a caring, intelligent and affectionate person (wealth isn't important to you, it's just an accessory that's of no real concern for you). And you love them loads... A bit too much, perhaps! Careful not to smother them. You will make their dreams come true through just being you. They will feel they can show how they really feel to you because of your open nature inspires them to open up to you. Probably only you will know how sensitive, gentle and romantic they can be. They can learn a lot from you. Therefore you complete each other..

Druidcraft tarot A2

Rode my bike, trying to assess and sort thoughts... Feeling weary (and allergic!!).

Did a Druidcraft tarot, hexagram spread regarding matters with A2.

It seems to indicate I need to withdraw a bit and do more inner work... not sure what to make of it.

the cast:

Card 1, apparent, conscious issue
The Hermit

seems to indicate I'm again at a stage where I need to withdraw a bit, retreat, seek guidance, let things take care of themselves as they will. Silence and solitude to refresh the soul.

Card 2, point of tension
10 of Pentacles

talks of balance and blessings (sending and receiving). I almost feel like this card is indicating that there is a barrier aspect of the relationship with A2 that is preventing me from receiving all the blessings that might come my way.

I think it also indicates that this has been a mutually blessed/blessing relationship, but things may be out of balance in some ways.

Card 3, way to resolution
3 of swords

Heartache, potential for transformation. "out of heartache can come healing and the maturing of our ability to love. A love triangle.... temporary separation.... true growth and transformation...."

Card 4, the unrevolved or unconscious inner determinant
10 of swords

May be indicating that "a long-term situation - a relationship - may have come to an end..."

I wonder if I'm unconsciously (or maybe not so unconsciously) gearing up to move the relationship with A2 more to a friendship setting and less a "love" relationship...

Card 5, the pivot of change
King of swords, inverted

talks of the deliberate withholding of information (I take this to also be a reference to A2's reluctance to go "too deep" with the relationship -- her emotional intimacy issues she hasn't faced, and likely won't.

"the ability to communicate clearly and objectively may have become distorted...."

Card 6, the key to harmony
3 of cups, inverted

Points back at the need to pay attention to my inner needs. May be indicating too much focus on the relationship with A2 to the detriment of other interests, opportunities, and neglect of my own, and my inner needs.

Look within.


So this reading starts and ends with a reflection of a need to be more contemplative -- turn inward. Think on things, so to speak.

mulling

I'm tired this a.m.. got nearly 8 hours of sleep, but still tired.

Mulling things over regarding A2. Random thoughts over the last hours and weeks...

I've tried to "be exclusive" since Feb 14/15 after I'd had time to assess and break things off with B (I'm still of confused mind about her, I think, though).

But, it's become apparent to me that it would be pretty tough to sustain a full blown signficant other / exclusive relationship with A2 from 72 miles away.

For me, a number of signs arise that indicate I'm not nearly "there" emotionally.... For starters, I never completely let down on idling around on POF and Yahoo personals looking for connections and possible casual / social dating.

My head has been examining the idea that after all this time of close relationship, and having "cleared the decks" from having any other significant emotional attachment or involvement, it seems like A2 and I ought to be pretty well IN LOVE if we're going to get there...

I think I want more local connection for the prospect that offers of not being home alone quite so much.

A2 has continued to do emotional arms-length stuff over the period at times. She continues to be armored against getting too completely emotionally attached. I think sometimes she moves that way, it scares her, and she backs away....

I think I want to achieve greater depth of emotional intimacy than A2 is probably capable of... whatever that means. I know I'm pretty open with my heart, to an extent my feelings... but I grew very cautious about how I express myself over the last several years with M.... and I regularly apply that caution to interchanges with A2.

A2 has off and on encouraged me to keep looking and experiencing other relationships, but I have been concerned that that is an intellectual, not emotional suggestion she makes.... well, the latter in a sense because it's another form of distancing.

She also refers to her expectation that I will let her down or betray her as other men have.... making remarks about how she assumes sooner or later I'll be involved with someone else, being cautious about ever making another "surprise visit", and all that.

Anyway, I've been mulling over for a while the ideas that I have been getting mixed messages from her for some time, we're not "in love", and what all this might mean.

I've also said nothing about certain larger political decisions she is contemplating. Running successfully for a high office in a political association we're involved in would increase her time in my town, but also vastly decrease her availability for a relationship. I don't think I want to make that any part of HER considerations of that opportunity, but I think about it and its effect on "us" if there is to be an "us".

And, when I'm honest with myself, I don't really see myself falling head over heels "in love" with A2. The relationship with her offers the prospect of long-term solidity, "life-mate", but not "soul-mate" potentially.... Not a bad prospect, but part of me wants to continue to see what good match all around, interests, temperament, age, looks, emotional, energetic, spiritual.... what I can find.

If I stick to A2, will I be "settling" in some manner??

I still think about how, together, the two relationships I'd had going were the ideal woman for me -- taken together.... although the full honesty with A2 was missing....

and that continues to be missing... interesting....

concert

was nice... on the other hand, I saw my old love interest there (alone) as I'm there with my date....

Brings up interesting feelings....

I don't know why I seem to be having a hard time completely shaking my feelings for B.

Not sure if I cared for her more than I realized, or am missing a convenient, but interesting, addictive relationship.

I just don't know....

It would be really easy to try and strike something back up... but, I think I need to not do that for a whole host of reasons.... I still don't think it was, or would be, an entirely healthy relationship. Some of that lack of health came from her, some from the relationship dynamics, much from within me within the context of that relationship.

hmmmmm.....

sigh..... A2

I'm a little tired.... a little pensive.... a little bothered. Apparently A2 and I have entered that "expectations" phase of the relationship. Sigh.

I'm not sure how much of it is her wariness of being fully, deeply immersed in a relationship, and how much it's me not quite wanting to go there, yet, with her (or maybe anyone)....

I do think it's too soon to be deep and "permanent" in thoughts....

Anyway, we've seen each other every week / weekend of the month of May, save this one...

So, earlier this week when I saw a concert of interest coming up for tonight, I took the opportunity to make a date for the afternoon and evening with a new lady I've been getting to know.

See, I have been getting mixed signals right along from A2. She acts like we're significant others in certain ways, and yet often she'll make remarks encouraging me to continue to "look", "get the experiences you missed", etc. Or, she'll make remarks that make it plain she expects to be "betrayed" by me (again) sooner or later.

On the later (the again), to mix the message some more, she's remarked a great deal about how she over-reacted and should not have become so upset, etc, etc....

Behavior often says one thing, and her words another.

Meantime, I've quietly been continuing to try and date and make connections. No other sex at this point with anyone. Haven't gotten that far along. Just a group thing with a churchy group (nice people, but I could do without the church blather), and as I mentioned, a new, promising connection from POF.

So, I just spend half hour + on the phone with A2 tonight, after I got home.... She was really, really disappointed at not being invited to the concert, especially since it was for charitable organization the which of she likes to support.

Heard it 4 or 5 times at least....

I need to thing this through a bit....

I feel like I gave her too much info and it bit me.... I had hoped that by referring to "going to a concert with friends", (and having things about the house I was trying to get done), that that would address her hint from yesterday to be invited up with a gentle, oblique decline....

But, she harped a bit on how she would have liked to meet my friends, and she went off on other tangents about how she'd have been willing to put herself up in a hotel to come up and support the concert, and nonsense such as that.

She even went in to the "not worthy" to have a lasting relationship with a man bit that she's gone into a few times.....

I really need to thing about how / what to say and react to here.

I feel like expectations have entered the arena -- an expectation to be together every weekend (nearly), for one (and the primary one)....

raises some issues....

A2, feelings and such

I've been thinking lately about how "on the surface" things seem with A2 and me... basically not a deep, emotional condition.... Having a hard time fully defining the issue. But came across this article today on POF, which helps me understand my current state of mind with her. A2 definitely puts up walls, and walls off her emotions from herself. It takes a toll on having a deeper relationship, that's for certain.



The Secret Psychology That Makes Him Fall For You

By Rori Raye

What is that special something that makes a man want to know everything about you and makes him want to tell you how he feels over and over? What makes a man want to listen to what you have to say—even crave knowing how you feel or what you’re inner world is like?

A man falls in love with you because he knows he can be himself around you.

He falls in love with you because he feels safe expressing his innermost, private feelings with you. He knows that you can handle your feelings. He can sense that. And because he senses that at the most unconscious level, he starts to long for your company, for your touch, for your affection. He may not even know why he feels this way. All he knows is that there’s something special about you that he doesn’t feel with any other woman in his life. He wants to take you in his arms and keep you forever.

This is what happens to a man when he goes from feeling affection or admiration for you to feeling genuine love.

This is the “secret psychology” I mention in the title of this article.

I say it’s a secret because it’s little-understood by women (and men). It’s rare that either you or he will know exactly why he feels mesmerized by you and wants to get close to you and pursue you for something serious and long-lasting.

Many of us are wrong about why a man falls in love. We think a man needs sex, or has to have a fabulously gorgeous woman with a great body. We think a man falls for us because we’re sweet to him, and kind, and giving. Especially giving.

So we do things for him. We cook lovely meals and offer deep, thoughtful advice on whatever troubles him. We light candles whenever he comes over. We put on our sexiest clothes and buy lacey lingerie. We become exclusive with him without even a passing thought to what we want, or whether or not he has met our needs yet for a secure, loving and committed relationship.

We give our bodies, our souls, our minds to him.

And still he tells us that he’s not sure how he feels. Or he becomes distant and moody. Or he stops calling or asking us out as often as he used to. Or he does something very hurtful, or cheats on us, or tells us that he doesn’t believe you’re “meant” to be together.

This happens because deep down, you didn’t trigger love in his heart. You didn’t connect on the deepest, most intimate level—his feelings.

So, how do you connect with a man’s feelings? I’ll tell you briefly what DOESN’T connect to him.

When you tell a man about what you think about the relationship, or what you did that day, or what you think of the latest news you’ve read or the gossip at work, he listens. He participates in the conversation. But his feelings aren’t triggered.

You chatter on about your life, but leave out the one part that would drop you suddenly into intimacy. EMOTIONS.

You share everything but who you are.

You put up walls with him without even knowing you’re doing it. You decide not to tell him the sorrow you felt that morning about something. You omit telling him how the spring air made you feel alive and free when you went for a walk at lunchtime. Or, maybe you don’t even pay attention to your own emotions. You’re too busy with your to-do lists and tasks and with the chatter of everyone else around you in your life. You worry a lot. You make plans in your head for the next moment, the next day, or the weekend. But if you were to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, and then speak from those feelings, you would make him feel safe and connected to you.

It seems like such a simple thing. But for so many of us, it’s such a counter-intuitive thing. It’s difficult. We’re not used to being juicy, sexy, FEELING creatures. So many of us are programmed to be doing, thinking, managing and worrying all the time. These are qualities that make a man feel nothing around you. These are the qualities that make him think of you more like a “friend” than his lover.

When you become a feminine, juicy, sensual feeling creature, you become what I call a “siren” around a man. You magnetize him simply by being what you were always meant to be…an alluring woman who is soft on the outside, but strong and resilient on the outside.

That is the secret to what makes him fall for you.

You can find out more about how to do what works to make a man fall in love with you and avoid doing the things that actually push a man away by signing up for Rori Raye’s free newsletters at HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com. They’re filled with proven Tools she developed to turn her own love life around many years ago, Tools she still uses every day and teaches to her clients so they can keep their relationships strong.