No surpise -- a freakout

Yup. M managed to get all freaked out yesterday and took it out on me today. Apparently most of it started with my p.m. phone conversation with her yesterday before I went to see Le Miz. She asked if I was planning to see any shows. I was trying to spare her feelings about not being her.... didn't want her to feel more deprived over not coming.... So, I told her I wasn't sure I wanted to say -- that I needed to know for sure that she wanted to know -- or if she'd really rather not. She took that negatively. Decided I was playing cat and mouse.... I did finally tell her. Turned out she wasn't real interested in Le Miz anyway -- part of my reluctance was my presumption she would be disappointed not to see it....

So, I thought that got all put aside. But, I called her on my way to a conference-related reception and she was pretty cold and uncordial.... although, she accused ME of being the one doing the emotional distancing....

Anyway, I called her, didn't seem very warm and friendly. So, I politely ended the call and went on to my business. While I was at the reception, in fact, within 15 min of the phone call, I got a text message:

"So, what's with the emotional distancing again?"
I replied, "Not distnacing that I am aware of. Thought U seemed distant or wary. Maybe we both can take care not 2 do the distance thing"

Minute later, "You were the one with the agenda & commitments"
(no kidding, I'm thinking -- why have her here feeling ignored or left out...)

followed by, "I'm the one sitting here reading a book alone"

By about 10ish I turned my phone off.
At 10:43p, she sent, "Perhaps the phone conversation earilier including the secretive stuff re: shows didn't set well with me. "

Then, this a.m., I really didn't bother trying her early, just went to the conference. About 11:15a, she called. Happened to be just went a session break was occurring briefly. We had words. She was really quite het up about "your dismissive attitude toward me yesterday and the way you treat me...."

I tried to explain that the p.m. conversation was an attempt (misguided, perhaps) to spare her feelings. And also suggested that she might try ascribing positive motives to me instead of negative ones. She was hearing none of it.

I couldn't get her to back off much, finally mildly lost my patience and said, "THIS is exactly the reason I couldn't have you come with me to this!"

I just don't need the in-person crazymaking. Bad enough in my ear.

At some point, maybe a vm, she's said she only slept 2 hours last night....
I wish she could figure out that much of the hurt she manufactures and then nurses.

She's decided I was hurtful. Emailed me this p.m. that my comment this a.m.:
"This is why I DON'T WANT YOU HERE."
"I certainly got that message loud and clear, thank you."

I'm trying to find a quiet, peaceful mind. Trying to let this blow over. Trying to encourage her in my way to put it aside.

But, she should be careful. I am still not remotely convinced of the wisdom of continuing this relationship. I'm trying to be open to things working out, but I'm also open to getting on with a different, less crazy life.