got to watch out for "hoovering"

Hoovering is what we non-BPD call the business of getting sucked back into a relationship or old patterns with our partner or STBX.

The fact is, they can be very charming and loving at times, and that appeals and fools us. Or their quietly, or blatantly manipulative, and we fall for it.

It is dreadfully hard to keep our heads straight. Or our hearts.

BUT, I KNOW the best thing for me is to separate from this relationship. It's probably also best for her, although it will be a rough road. She'll be OK. She'll grow back from some of the stuntedness she's gotten to.

I've been steadily moving household bills and expenses toward my account, and that will free up her money for her to manage when (I'm sure it's not really if) she moves out and on.

She gets about $2700 / month in disability income, virtually nontaxable.

She'll need ultimately to be able to handle rent, probably $700 or so (in this area, more out west in the Rockies), her car payment, about $450 plus $100 or so for insurance, utilities with cable, average probably $150.

That leaves $1300 for her groceries, gasoline, and entertainment. Seems like a lot.

MY budget might be a little challenging when (I presume) I have to pull a larger mortgage to buy her out.... but, we'll deal with it when it comes.