For crying out loud, already

I had a few rough days this week. Troubles at work that were worrying me. M finally caught on that I actually WAS very concerned and troubled.... and decided to be the same, sort of on my behalf.... but of course, she cannot remotely touch any crisis of mine without becoming crisis-bound herself.... Cannot shift the focus within from her own pain and trouble to anyone elses......

So, yesterday / last night was finally the critical moment I'd been waiting for. She had gotten confused, as often happens, and thought the event was on Tuesday, and had gotten al worked up when I didn't talk to her Tuesday night (I don't like to talk to her after early evening, as she usually has had too much self medication -- pills and beer or wine. )

When I corrected her understanding, she fretted and worried, and got upset again about her own situation, etc, etc....

Of course, what I needed was some REAL partnership, not a situation where my "partner" goes into crisis because I"M trying to hold off a crisis of my own....

But, of course, she crashed. She had asked me to be sure to call her and "let me know the outcome". Well, it was 9:00 p.m. before a final resolution occurred. I wanted to keep the call brief, because of the time of night and because for the first time in a while, I was headed out to the pub with friends, after a long, hard day and evening.....

I call. She's deep, deep in crisis. Weeping.... very sad.... yet another round.

First I engaged a little, "why are you weeping?" (thnking to myself, why did you insist I call you if you are just going to be in emotional crisis I didn't cause and can't do anything about).... She says, "Oh, let's see. 1300 miles from home. All alone, I don't know anybody... no place to go, etc, etc....I don't know, why do you suppose I'm weeping?"

Speech is slow, almost slurred. Wanted "to talk about things" "needed me" all that jazz. I wouldn't have it. Begged off the phone and went on about my late evening.

Of course, she called back minutes later. I made the mistake of taking it. She finally pressed my buttons enough to make me angry.... hung up.Turned her phone off, etc, etc.

I left it be at that point. Couldn't do otherwise.

Of course, when I am finally on my way home ( a 25 minute trip from where I was at ) at 10:40 p.m, she decided to call. In not better condition. Maybe worse. Now offended that "you're out so late" (she often asserts that if I'm out with her I get tired; that I'm always tired by 10:30 p -- which at home is true -- unless I'm out with people -- other than her -- then I'm able to stay away-- what's that say about being with me, she'll say...

On and on. Went round about just a little, when I told her I really thought she needed to hang up and get some sleep. "I haven't slept in 3 days -- I've been worrying about you and your situation...."

I finally said, "I'm going to hang up now and let you go to sleep. I hope you get some rest...." and I did.

Now, mind you, at this point apparently she'd already voicemailed me on my phone about 6 times (haven't listened to or recorded those yet) AND about 8 more messages left on the answering machine at home. Several of which are pretty unintelligible.

So, again I say.... for crying out loud already.