Today's note

When I got home today, I wasn't surprised to find a note. That is often what M does to "communicate" when I am not otherwise available due to sleeping or work. So, I thought I would transcribe this note. It's actually one of the milder, less nasty ones.

Dearest _____
As far as I can tell, women my age do NOT SETTLE for the kind of non-committed relationship that we have. I will always love you more than you love me and I do NOT find that acceptable. Do something about that. Never mind that I am now 5X years old and am most likely too old and worn out to ever have another meaningful relationship nor can I imaine ever loving anyone the way that I have loved hyou and put borth my best efforts to make you and your parents and the rest of your family happy and feel comfortable and welcome. What have I gotten in return? Last March, your brother didn't even know who I was -- after introducing myself. Had to mention your name. And I was only visiting the stores where he and his wife work because you were way TOO busy to spare the time. Are they MY relatives?! PS weeks and weeks ago you mentioned deal breakers (reading Dr Phil these days??) so what are they?
1) for you
2) what do I do?
P.S. I don't relish being treated like a non-entity. So WHO on your executive board or committees has caught your fancy? Sorry about the penmanship. Writing with a cast is a bitch.


My comments. Cute, huh. The martyrdom stuff. The feeling used and unloved. All that. With the crowning (and regular) touch of the assumption that there must be "some other woman" that I'm either interested in or involved with......

Sigh. It is sad, really. She cannot sort out her experiences with others from who or what I am. I am not a philanderer. But, her first husband was. I am determined that this relationship be dealt with on its own merits. In fact, while part of me knows it's pretty well inevitable to cease this problem-filled relationship with a nonrecovering borderline personality person, I am determined to give myself some healing and growth time after any ending before I get seriously involved with anyone else.

It breaks my heart to consider that I probably have to end this suddenly and firmly in the not too distant future. But, my well-being, my vitality, my health are all on the line. It's time to deal with that. Soon.