Better last couple days

in a typical change in the mood cycle. M has been better / more amenable and more agreeable the last couple days....

I, OTOH, have continued to look at my book about Trauma Bonds and checking the first scale instrument, was not surprised to find myself low in all but one area: Trauma bonding..... I don't have traumas from my childhood I'm repeating, or deep traumatic, dramatic events like a war or a car accident.... No, it's pretty much the trauma bonding that's occurred as my first marriage prepared me, and this relationship with a full-blown BPD person introduced a regular dose of small scale relationship centered / life centered traumas.....
which have taken their toll.....

I suppose part of the reason she's better today in particular (although still physically ill) is that I carefully invited her on a nice out of town trip in April. Something I knew she'd like to do. But, it was an invitation framed in a frame of "even if we've changed the direct partnership of our relationship."

I explained that I've not envisioned having NOTHING to do with one another should it become necessary to live apart.... Of course, I know I am only HALF of that equation..... Still, she was lucid and nodded in understanding of the idea of remaining cordial.....

I will, of course, be open to whatever it takes to be in a self-healthy situation.