My traumatic event

I have been reading about Trauma Bonding. Lots of learning. But, as I've done so, so much of what I read has tended to strike me as applying more to M than to me. After all, I don't have a history of abuse or trauma.... Or, do I?

While I was just reading in the book and thinking about it, idly, it suddenly occurred to me that at least one particular event was traumatic -- life-altering, in fact.

You see, when I was a naiive 19 y.o., barely understanding sex.... my girlfriend became pregnant. (that relationship was really my first experience with significant manipulation from a partner...)

Anyway, at the time, I was a highly regarded singer, college sophomore to be, good grades. Good kid. Expected to end up either teaching or performing (serious) music.....

That she became pregnant, it now occurs to me, was the MAJOR TRAUMA of my adult life. Everything changed. Suddenly, I needed to become a provider, not a student. Morally, had to do the right thing, even though I wasn't all that attracted to this girl.... had to gut it through a rather uninspired marriage....

Yup. This is a realization. An unplanned pregnancy, "shotgun wedding", and all that.... I think it was traumatic, and I'm just now realizing it. Very well may be what cast me into the roles I've played ever since.