Well, I tried to inititate the talk she said last night that she wanted to have today. Tried early in the p.m. when we were both in decent states of awareness, if nothing else.
She finally said, "I guess I have nothing to talk about". Shortly after, went off to do
some errands of hers....
Shortly after her return, she asked if I wanted to go down the the local pub for a beer or two. Bout 5ish. I wasn't crazy about it, as I wasn't sure if it was friendly, tolerable, or the first step toward a tortured evening. Well, it was the latter.
Went out. Had two tall beers. Came home. Then she opened a bottle of sparkling wine (why she didn't go for the cheap wine, I don't know). I shared some of it.... But, it wasn't long before the dangerous talk began.
The alcohol loosened her lips. She started to get into a couple of things, including finally, "the status / future of this relationship.". She also went again into her assertion that I get hostle , withdrawn, etc, after seeing my T.. Ref: monday past
I calmly told her that I was not going to have a conversation like that unless we both were stone cold sober. She said, "Maybe this is the only way and can face it...". I said, "I still insist that such a conversation has to take place when we are entirely sober."
After a short time, she began to try and negatively engage further. I had to be assertive, but not outright angry. I don't really recall what she tried to jabber about. I made remarks about not wanting to have this blow up into some angry confrontation again....
She then said, "Fine, go upstairs." I said, "How can I depend on not being confronted / disturbed?" "Lock the door". (doesn't realy work that way).
She remarked about how she's slept in her chair the last couple nights (no she falls asleep there and comes ups late). Etc, Etc. I offered to go sleep in the guest room. She "doesn't want to pay the price for that..." (I sleep fine in there, it's her imagination that it would bother me).
I finally went upstairs just after 9 p.m.. Withdrawing myself before I was remotely angry. She came up briefly, then LOCKED THE BEDROOM DOOR behind her.... Locked it for me, so to speak....
Read for awhile, then realized I'd nodded off. Decided to go to bed by 10p. I could hear her on the phone with her sister. I don't know if I fell asleep some of not. But, I was mostly awake. Heard her stop talking with sis about 10:30.
Heard some knocking about. Sounded like M was getting herself worked up..... Door slamming. In and out....
Finally heard some banging and hitting, like a hammer more than a door being knocked. Actually, quite a bit of it.
That quit after while. Then, the phone rang -- just after 11:00 p
It was M calling from her car phone.... sigh.
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