offending without even knowing it

Fri late p.m.m early evening, M was in a relatively good mood it seemed as I brought food and wine. Went on to my evening meeting. Got in at 9:20 or so that night. Hadn't felt well and left the room for about half an hour to sit in the lobby and read and see if my guts were going to keep behaving OK.

Sat a.m.:
"Would you STOP snoring??!!" Was I? rude, irritated response from her: "What, you think I just woke you up to be mean!!?? "

Since found out she'd attempted to cuddle over the night.... later she claimed she'd "tried 3 times to get close and I just moved away...."

I told her I remember once feeling her knees against my legs and moving TOWARD her, but that for any other such, I was asleep and had no memory. She was disbelieving and clearly chooses to believe I was deliberately rejecting her attempts at closeness.... "Despite having put my negative feelings aside", says she.

Ride home at noon time was arduous. I made a wrong turn (right instead of left), "didn't listen / believe her". I otoh asked her why she didn't help navigate when I asked her to. She just blustered about my "not believing anything I say. I must be stupid" stuff like that....

Lots of further conflict Sat p.m. lots of devaluation statements etc. The story I told Wednesday at lunch with my folks friends and my folks, which I didn't consider demeaning or disrepectful at the time, continues to haunt things. Her shame knows no boundary. It is depthless.

The book on trauma bonds I am reading is helping my understanding

SSDI and cashing out of house equity is a question that has to be checked. She says if she equities out, she will not be able to draw SSDI until the proceeds are exhausted. Claims she talked with an attorney, but didn't identify whom.

Anyway, her current story is she's "stuck" with this house and living here because of that (one more of a long line of reasons....)

The latest on issues surrounding my schedule, since I "clearly don't want to be around her" is to just let her know what nights I'll be home.... (so what???? )

She's mentioned numerious times that this year will mark the 25th anniv of her mom's death, and clearly grudges my having a normal lifetime of parents.... has been repeatedly pejorative about HER loss 20 years + ago vs MY crisis over my almost 80 y.o. dad's Alzheimer's Disease.
Her POV. I find that AD just one more thing to navigate in life. BUT, I do not believe I can be partnered with someone who is such and energy drain AND deal as I must with other such life issues.