Autism -- similar to BPD

I've often realized that to a degree, there is not that much difference between autism and BPD, at least in the form I see it with M.... and interestingly, we both have tended to see her older boy, diagnosed early with ADHD, later with Bipolar disorder, as showing a degree of autism -- looking back.....

Anyway, I am reading at a book called "Blink", ( recently finished the first notable book by this author, "The Tipping Point").

In the chapter called, "Seven Seconds in the Bronx", he talks about the quick read most of us make of situations. Scanning faces, gestures, etc, etc, and almost engaging in a form of "mind-reading". The premise being that the face, in particular, is an enormously rich source of information, particularly about the genuine emotions being felt (vs verbally or otherwise expressed). And, interestingly, deliberately engaging in facial expressions different from the current emotions, can move people TOWARD those being facially expressed..... whether positive or negativce.

The part that I just read, that has struck me enough to journal about, is #4 in this chapter. It's about Peter, who is an adult autistic, with whom a major autism expert has worked for many years.

The following passage struck me as something that applies equally to M, the BPD person I live with (probably, more accurately, STBX):

"I talk to him [Peter] every week.... He focuses very much on what I say. The words mean a great deal to him. But he doesn't focus at all on the way my words are contextualized with facial expressions and nonverbal cues. Everything that goes on inside the mind -- that he cannot observe directly -- is a problem for him Am I his therapist? Not really. Normal therapy is based on people's ability to have insight into their own motivations. But with him, insight wouldn't take you very far. So it's more like problem solving."

I've italicized the part that really stood out hugely.

I've often been chagrined to realize that to my words, or "my actions" [as she sees them] she isn't able to discern MY real motivation or views or feelings.... Rather, she takes my words or actions, adds her OWN view or interpretation or feelings [projection] without really having truly contextualized me based on MY history or MY morals, etc, etc.

For instance, sometimes she carries on about my treating her poorly, just like every man in her life has.... Not true, but she projects her history on to me.... Sigh.

Truth be told, I've had a great deal of frustration over M's lack of progress in working with her T. I haven't really been able to put my finger on the issue. But, I think this capsulizes it. She and her T work on problem solving, or on validation of M's feelings about a situation -- but I don't think they work much toward any real insight.

But, then, I don't think most BPD people manage to truly gain the insight it takes to fully function in this world. I guess if you can't have utopia, you might as well create your own dystopia.