Last night

Got contentious. Imagine that. M had gone off with her sis to a movie and dinner late in the p.m.. Before she left, though, she noticed that I had cleaned up and changed. I didn't have particular plans.... Anyway, she said, "Are you going somewhere? " I said, "I don't know. I just was done being dirty." (I'd worked in the yard / garden, weeding and such, most of the day!!)

Anyway, she left. I got hungry. Asked my folks if they wanted to go get something to eat. Oh, and at some point, mom said something about D, my son, mentioning that if we had any chance of getting together to meet his g-friend (I thought an introduction might be in order before she runs my folks to the airport on Monday...) the best chance was probably Saturday evening. So, one thing led to another and we did end up making connections with D and his girl.... Had a nice dinner together at a local pub....

We weren't late... But shortly after she got home, M literally buttonholed me and said, "If you had plans, why didn't you just say so??!!!" and went on to accuse me of being misleading. I told her no such thing occurred. That there were no plans at the point at which I came down changed -- other than to get something to eat when hungry I suppose.....

She stalked off, and the episode made me pretty peeved. So, I ended up taking it right back up with her on the deck [omg, in earshot of my mother.... horrors!!] We went round a little, but she didn't want to get too out of hand in front of the folks.

Later, though, after the folks went to bed, she made another snippy remark about things, including wondering if she was even still invited to go to the conference with me this week.

Well, I DO / DID have some concerns. And, she keeps wanting me to COMMUNICATE and BE HONEST.... So, I tried that. Got interrupted repeatedly. Tried to tell her it was OK for her to go, but that I really was NOT comfortable driving together. Tried to get her to understand that my discomfort came from the last week and weeks before that of fighting, as well as recalling how irksome it was 3 or 4 years ago when M got pissed off at the conference people and drove herself home -- leaving me stranded. It wasn't totally onerous -- a brewpub was within walking distance -- but, still and all, I had NO WHEELS to take myself anywhere else I might have to.... and I had to beg a ride home....

She completely dismissed and devalued all that, because, "After all, I OFFERED to come back and pick you up....." and "It was a long time ago -- it shouldn't still bother you...."
yadayadayada

All I was trying to communicate was that I wanted us to drive separately. It's true, although unexpressed through words or attitude, that I would rather she didn't come.... but, I was trying to continue to be gracious. No surprise, she went on to turn that concern into "clearly, you are UNINVITING ME yet again...."

So, it just got more contentious from there. No matter how much I corrected her that it wasn't whether I wanted her to be at the conference, it was all about driving separately because of my feelings from the other time..... she persisted in making it an extreme negative.

She didn't settle down well last night. Woke up in a bad tenor. And yet, despite that, I told her one more time before leaving that it was OK for her to come up. Just call and let me know if she decided to do so....

So, I came up to my conference. And, frankly, I have deliberately left her alone. I didn't need the grief.

I mentioned to her sis that I was resisting the urge to call her again and tell her once more that it was ok to come up -- and sis said, "Sounds like you already said it a few times...."