Gee, no suprise

The upset from this a.m.'s telephone conversation was revisited, and brought up other issues that M won't find emotional closure on, when I got home just after 5:00p and for the next hour or better.

This, even though I had apologized this a.m., and this p.m..... and came home with a peace offering and further apology.

She still insists that all she was trying to let me know this a.m. was that she had found the list of conferences a few days back and had wanted to tell me that leaving it to be found hadn't really worked well.... etc. She also eventually touched, but didn't own, that she was trying to find out if anything had changed in my perspective (regarding her attendance at conferences with me). I STILL believe she was really angling / hoping for an invitation -- and, thereby, some reassurance about the state of the relationship.... but, perhaps I read too much hidden....

On top of that, and of course, revisiting other recent fights and disagreement (the cracker fight on Xmas day, the separation stuff a few days later (while, oh, she was still hurting and troubled by her surgery..... never mind what she said or inquired to prompt the conversation in the first place. )

Anyway, and this one amazes me more than slightly.... this a.m., she said something about how much her cast and such hurt. I made the observation, and I KNOW it was said in a perfectly conversational tone, that "I suppose you could call the dr's office to see if you can get in.... Maybe he'd decide to remove the case a few days early..... but, you'd have to drive [intended as a sympathetic observation that she's finding driving a bit painful....] "

Turns out that what she heard was [choose one] an annoyed / condescending / pissy statement that was unsupportive and boiled down to "get over it and take care of yourself....".

It is absolutely beyond my ken how a BP person can misconstrue something like that....
or, at least almost. In Mars/Venus terms, what it tells me is that she just wanted to be heard / talk about hurting -- and I made a mistake in offering a potential solution, instead of just simply listening and "being supportive".

Well, as they say, lose one, lose one (at least in a relationship like this!!)


My issue was that I sensed that there was a hidden / unexpressed motive in the call. I sensed the other meanings, and much of that was confirmed when I got home....

She still feels severely rejected by what I said about conferences. Not that that's what I expressed, but it's how she feels. I tried to convey my issues surrounding over-responsibility toward her, as well as not fully participating / abridging my involvement because of her attendance. But, all she's absorbed is "you don't want me there" and, "you have somet