Leaving with integrity?

During one of the recent negative phases, one assertion / accusation M made was that, "You know, if you decided to leave, you wouldn't tell me ahead of time." Put it in terms of "integrity". As in, "You wouldn't have the integrity to tell me in advance...."

She went an interesting step further, saying, "Let's say, for example, you'd rented an apartment and you were going to leave on say, February 14th.... You wouldn't have the integrity to say so beforehand. You'd just go...."

Well, I was struck, but not surprised, by the theoretical date. When I ran it by my therapist, she said, "Marilyn believes you are capable of some real cruelty." We decided that made sense when put in context of her relationship with her abusive mother and the parental aspect of our relationship.

Anyway, all the advice I've seen out there says, in fact, NOT to telegraph or warn or give advance notice. With BPD folk, the safest, sanest way is to make the arrangements quietly, thoroughly, and then act suddenly and decisively.

I can attest that trying to ease out or fix things or retain what's good and repair what's broken and troubled..... doesn't work well.

It's been like tearing apart slowly and painfully and in a crueler way than necessary.