Life with a BPD partner is strange, strange, strange. Ole Pop Heidenwach has been involved with a BPD woman (borderline personality disorder) for many years. Until my patience is nearly exhausted. All of the normal vagaries between men and women are amplified. The highs are higher, lows are lower.
It's a strange thing to want to make someone happy who just probably isn't capable of deep, abiding happiness.
Her childhood was shit. Abusive mother. Alcoholic parents. Multiple incidents of sexual abuse at the hands of a peers and brother's friends. And so on. And, she's never made peace with her history and the roots of her issues -- which is necessary to truly heal.
I find myself deeply conflicted between my needs and hers. Of course, I tend toward codependency..... So, I am truly challenged to sort out what's best for me and whether it's possible after all this time to have a healthy, abiding relationship.
Then there's the conflict between her and my family, on her part as far as I know. No one in my family except my son has ever said anything against her and / or suggested I should leave the relationship. Yes, they're concerned about my well-being. But, no one has said anything against her.
But, she's convinced herself that my mother doesn't like her (not so), that my brothers and their wives don't like her, and on and on.
Meanwhile, I end up feeling like I cannot visit them or my folks or my son in NC without paying a severe emotional crisised price at home.
So, yes, this is my journal like "dump" today. Not for any reason other than to give me a chance to vent. /pop
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