today.
I got some troubled sleep last night, enough I suppose, with sufficient valerian root. But, I am still fighting a viral bug.... and I anticipate that M has stewed all day again today. Only communication we've had is her texting me to see when an evening meeting will be over and what my home ETA is.
I deliberately have not called her, as I didn't want my mind fucked with any more than it already is.
Showed my T the new book I purchased: The Betrayal Bond -- Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships.
She wasn't familiar with it, but upon leafing it, said she thought it was most apropos.
This is a concept that equates relationships like the one I'm in to what comes to develop in kidnapping / hostage situations..... A trauma bond gets created at some point, and that link can be difficult to break even when it is to someone who is dangerous, ABUSIVE, and / or TOXIC..... hmmmm.....
T made an observation after we talked about this book a little. That my swinging through a the parking lot hear the dr's office yesterday to see if that's where M was -- was classic hostage behavior.....
Interesting......
It's hard not to think about this in terms of weakness. It's not. It's a pathology -- a condition that has developed. And that's happened for a whole variety of reasons. But, it's not weakness and it's not anything negative. It just is.
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