The inevitable crash

occurred overnight. From what I gathered this morning, I was insufficiently cordial last night, starting with shrugging off a question about how a (standing monthly) meeting had gone. Later, apparently, I further transgressed when M sat on the couch with me and, according to her, I said, "What are you doing?" or some such as that..... which, by this morning, she had decided was an indication that she was "invading my space.".

I, on the other hand, don't even remember the comment, and only really recall putting magazines and my glasses aside so she could sit down, and having a perfectly companionable hour or so on the couch as we watched some TV. I was still not feeling well, and began to snooze by 9:00 p.m. or so. Even that, at the time, didn't seem to create a problem. I awoke, or she spoke and I awoke, don't know which, and she asked if I could go upstairs to help change the bed clothes. We did, and then, I said I thought I'd stay in the bedroom, and she laughed and said she wasn't surprised since I'd already been snoring downstairs.

By 9:30, she called up the stair to see if it was OK for her to come up a read. I said sure (even though I was concerned about just how late she might have her bright reading light on -- disturbing my sleep. But, I wanted to remain as companionable and supportive as possible. That was the head space we'd seemed to be in lately.....

Little did I know.

So, I don't know what exactly happened, but after I was asleep for an hour or so, about 11:00 p.m., I awoke, and was clearly restless. She (in kindness I thought) turned her light off, and got up to go to the living room to read. But, my "spider sense" tingled a little. I think she was getting bothered by some aspect of the day / evening at that point as well.

Yet, she seemingly tried to be considerate and quiet over the course of the night. She does tend to be a night owl -- one of our fundamental differences. But she was quieter than usual. Which, I appreciated.

I got up at about 6:00 a.m. and came down to check on her. Noticed, and ignored, the glass of wine at her side, and told her I would be getting up before too much longer, but if she wanted to come to bed and cuddle in a while first, that'd be OK. She said something snarky about "I was up there for an hour or so already" whatever that might mean. I THINK it means she came back to bed for a while and I was so deeply asleep I didn't notice or something......

But, I left it be and went back to bed for about an hour. When I came down to start my coffee and make my breakfast, she (relatively quietly) absented herself to the bedroom. By the time I went up, she appeared to be trying to sleep -- TV was off, and such.....

So I closed the attached bathroom door and went about getting ready for work. 15 or so minutes later, I came out and discovered she had gone elsewhere. I dressed, then went to find her to kiss her goodbye, as I always try to do. It's a rule I have for myself.

I found her in the guest bedroom. Weeping, I think. But, I didn't engage her. Just kissed her hair, and told her I loved her and I'd see her later. She called out, "Oh, have AN ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL DAY"..... in a loud, hurt / hurtful voice.

I did not rise to the bait.

I did, however, check to see how much she'd had to drink over the course of the 1/2 night she'd been up. My estimate is 7 or 8 cans of beer and 2/3 of a bottle of wine. This is something she does when either swinging or in a negative phase, OR trying to cope with insomnia..... she doesn't seem to realize that the alcohol exacerbates her negative feelings as well as her reactions and interactions with the world. Her kids hate it.... have been on the other end of it. It is not a good thing -- AND, it is something I am certain she is NOT open or truthful about with her therapist....

Anyway, I departed without getting angry or further interacting. Within 15 minutes after I commenced my commute, though, my cell phone rang as I drove to work and it was her. Screaming about misplacing her glasses, and my having HER car with her spare pair..... Click. Then, within 5 more minutes, another screaming phone call -- that she'd found them and I didn't have to worry or bother myself. Click. Then another. Talking about the lack of commitment, and so on and so on.

She did let on that (apparently) part of the trigger for this mood crash had been "seeing something on TV about a couple that had lived together, cordially, for seven years. Then, finally got married. And once they were married, the man wanted out. Now." She then said, "I wonder why THAT stuck in my head...." I just said, I don't have a reply to that.

The last conversation we had, can't recall if it was that, I finally said, "This converasation is either going to end negatively, or just end", to which she said, "This conversation is over!" click.

I did get a couple minor, pissy text mails and a couple pissy emails. But that was it.

Got home, she must have crashed or drugged herself into quietude. I won't even go upstairs and check, for fear of awaking or disturbing her and having a conflict ensue -- although my intention is to withdraw from the household for a day or two before allowing that deterioration to occur for my part of it....