Well, I was going to transcribe it. It was actually not bad. Maybe pretty good in its way. Why? Well, this note was one of the few that wasn't blaming, or accusing, or depressive (or not quite). Anyway, I haven't had the chance to transcribe it, because she happened downstairs before I did so and asked to have the note she left me..... I don't know what she's done with it, but I wish I had had a chance to transcribe it. This one actually touched me instead of making me wince.
This one reflected regrets. Deep sadness, but not unhealthy sadness, and deep regret that "we seem to be at a dead end..."
Still, it was heartening that much of the note talked about remembering all that's been good, and trying to preserve those memories -- and hoping I will do the same....
This note was almost emotionally mature.
There was one addended note about my statement that I hadn't really contemplated a scenario that had M leaving the house instead of me. She seems to be thinking in terms of her leaving now. And, perhaps thinking I didn't wish to be burdened with the upkeep, etc, etc.
That's not it at all, though. What I haven't conveyed, because the subject hasn't exactly come up during neutral conversations, is that what I'm referring to when I way I haven't really contemplated her leaving the house is this:
I have not wished to disturb her domocile any sooner than must be the case. Haven't wanted to displace her from the house until she made that choice. And, all in all, I was really making that statement in the context of the [temporary] actually, hopefully at some point, controlled separation time.
No, I don't anticipate recovering some level of primacy in the relationship between us. But, I still have hopes of being supportive and friendly to one another as life goes on.
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