In vino veritas? No

Last night, I actually had to stop playing a movie at about 7 p.m. because M clearly intended to talk. Which she did. For 2 hours, then 3. Over a bottle of wine she'd opened for herself.

I've tried to learn from the Mars/Venus books how to accommodate the "wave" cycle of a woman who is dealing with difficult emotions. Try to actively listen, but not offer solutions.... etc. I did respond somewhat at times, after the first 2 hours. But, each time, though she had settled down somewhat, my response (no matter how gentle or general) seemed to raise her ire back up.

Finally, just after 10p.m., she was getting heated again. I was tired. I hadn't yet engaged angrily, and dearly wanted to keep it that way. So I finally stated that I needed to go to bed and stop this. Don't know my exact words. I know I didn't make it a "choice". I was, rather, drawing a boundary / end to an unfruitful discussion (or monologue, as she more accurately characterized it.).

She did say enough at that time to tell me that once again, she was looking for answers on what she's done wrong, should do differently, how she's failed, what I want/expect, and on and on. Answers that aren't really possible to provide. Not with my constant emotional wariness. Not to mention my own lack of self awareness regarding needs, desires, interests, due to always sublimating them to my mate (first and second).

So, with her ire rising, I want ahead and went to bed. She came and confronted me somewhat pissy before long. Then left me be....

Until she worked on wine bottle #2. At 2 a.m., she burst into the master bedroom and demanded I get up out of bed. "You've slept for 4 hours. Wasn't that enough?? Nice nap?? Get up and be engaged!!"

Whatever that might mean....

Anyway, I sleepily refused. She staulked downstairs..... then raged in the living room, in and out of the house (in 20 degree or lower temps), cried, carried on, made noise, slammed doors. Until at least 4:30 a.m.

Burst into the room at least twice more over that timeframe.

Then, she finally quit. Must have taken some drugs to calm herself.

In fact, she even left a decent couple of notes to me.... Those can wait for the next message.